Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)
by Wynter Spite
Summary: "I can see ghosts of people long dead. I can see ghosts of people still alive. Ghosts of who people used to be. Ghosts of who they are inside." ON HIATUS until I get my mojo back.
1. Heaven Forbid

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hershey's Chocolate Bars. I don't own Dunkin' Donuts. I don't own Toys-R-Us. I don't own Miami. Naruto is just another thing that I do not own.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T for the few and far between swear words, and also possible action. And by action, I don't mean the romantic kind. Until possibly, like, way, way in the future.**

**Author: Wynter Spite**

"Normal speak, obviously."

_Thoughts._

"_Emphasis._"

(_General perspective. This one is important, as there will be several of these throughout this story_.)

* * *

_Twenty years, it's breaking you down, now that you understand_

_There's no one around . . ._

_Take a breath_

_Just take a seat_

_You're falling apart, and tearing at the seams . . ._

_Heaven forbid you end up alone,_

_And don't know why . . ._

_Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,_

_You'll be alright . . ._

_\- Heaven Forbid,_ The Fray

* * *

Itachi was sitting beside Sasuke, as usual. He was always hovering over his little brother's shoulder, a silent, unseen guardian. Well . . . mostly unseen.

It wasn't that I saw ghosts. They weren't ghosts. Some of the people I saw were still alive. But, well . . . I didn't know how else to describe them.

Only I could see them. Only I could hear them.

Well . . . at least I never lacked for company.

"Naruto!" snapped my teacher. I jerked. "Pay attention!"

I flashed a grin and saluted. "Aye, aye, sir."

Next to me, Madara scoffed. "Imbecile."

_Geezer_, I thought cheerfully.

* * *

School was out, for now. I was sitting on a bench, chewing on the sandwich I'd packed. I would've had ramen, but Hashirama would have scolded me.

"Did you give any thought to my suggestion?" volunteered the First Hokage.

"You mean that I have a slight case of ADD? Not really. I got sidetracked."

"What, got distracted by a squirrel again?" Madara scoffed.

"No," I said indignantly. "It was a ladybug!"

The old Uchiha snorted. Hashirama smiled down at me and patted my head. I couldn't feel it.

I was getting odd looks. I didn't mind. Most people had already gotten used to my crazy.

"The exams are tomorrow," Hashirama commented. "Are you going to be alright?"

I flashed him a grin. "Sure! I'll be fine!"

* * *

"You fail!"

Beside me, Hashirama winced. "Oh, dear. Perhaps we should have gotten started on the Bunshin sooner . . ."

"Yes, he might have passed had we started him, oh . . . five years ago." Madara had his arms crossed over his chest, sneering.

Hashirama frowned fiercely at him. "Madara-"

They'd been walking beside me, arguing as I trudged away, and we were already outside. I waved a hand as I slid onto the swing, held up by at tree. "It's fine. I should have tried harder."

"You did your best, Naruto," protested the First Hokage. I just shook my head.

"Hmph. Don't beat yourself up about this, child," Madara said gruffly.

I gave him a grin. "What's this? Uchiha Madara, getting soft in his old age?"

He scowled. Hashirama laughed.

* * *

Sometimes they went off to who-knows-where. I was alone when one of my teachers sat down beside me. Mizuki smiled gently down at me. "Iruka doesn't mean to be harsh," he said softly.

I nodded. "I know." I didn't blame him. How could I, when he took me out for ramen sometimes? He was always the nicest of my teachers.

Mizuki went on to tell me about a 'secret exam'. I thought about it and shrugged. It would be a trick or it would be real. Either way, I might as well chance it.

* * *

It was a trick, of course. Hashirama and Madara were with me when I found out. The surprise was when Iruka-sensei defended me. I, of course, couldn't run when he'd gotten hurt getting in the way of a large shuriken for my sake. My ghosts taught me better than that.

"Naruto?" Iruka-sensei asked as I stepped in front of him.

"I won't let you hurt him anymore," I growled at the gloating Mizuki.

"Oh? And what can you do?" he asked scathingly. "You can't even make a Bunshin properly."

"I'll show you!" I made hundreds of shadow clones, and . . . "Ninja Centerfold!"

Mizuki gaped.

Hashirama clapped a hand over his face. I didn't even know ghosts could get nosebleeds.

Madara was also gawking. Impassively, of course. Too bad I didn't have a camera. He probably wouldn't even have shown up on film, anyway. Oh, well. I would just have to savor the memory instead.

I punched Mizuki out.

* * *

All in all, it was a good day. I got to beat up one of my teachers and Iruka gave me his leaf headband. Plus, I gave the First Hokage a nosebleed and made the old Uchiha look something other than contemptuously dignified.

So, yes. A very good day indeed.

* * *

The next day, I let my elbows rest on my desk, chin settled on my arms. I was very aware of the hitai-ate on my forehead.

"Naruto," said another student, "what are you doing here? Class today is only for the students who didn't fail!"

I flashed him a grin. "Yes? And what do you conclude from that?"

"Uhh . . ."

Madara looked contemtuous. "Idiot."

"They are but children, Madara," Hashirama reminded him.

"I was not that stupid at his age," he said scornfully.

I kept the doubt from my face. He seemed to sense it, anyway, because he turned to scowl at me.

"Excuse me," came a feminine voice. "May I pass?"

I looked up to see Haruno Sakura. She was very cute, with long pink hair and nice blue eyes. Well, they were nice when they weren't directed at me, as they were now. "Move, Naruto," she snapped. "I want to sit next to Sasuke!"

I stared at her for a moment, then scooted closer to the boy in question. "Boss, there's a dame here asking to see you," I muttered to him. "You want I should run interference?"

He raised a black eyebrow at me, but I could tell he was amused. Next to him, Itachi was smothering a smile. This time, Shisui was also there, and he laughed outright.

"Whatever, dobe," Sasuke muttered, lips twitching. I smiled widely at him and stayed where I was.

Sakura huffed and sat down beside me, because there wasn't room on Sasuke's other side.

It was then that Iruka-sensei came in and told us our selective teams.

Madara had his arms crossed over his chest, as usual, his expression one of indifference, but Hashirama looked attentive as Iruka-sensei read out the cell of Team 7. Sakura groaned when she heard my name and cheered when she heard hers and Sasuke's.

"You just had to be on the same team as that noisy wench," Madara muttered.

"Madara!" Hashirama protested.

"Please." He sneered. "Don't tell me you don't wish she'd shut up sometimes."

"Wow," Shisui whispered to Itachi, "Grandpa's scary." He let out an 'eep' and disappeared when Madara turned his fiercely emotionless scowl on him.

I chuckled.

"What's so funny, dobe?" Sasuke asked.

"The ghosts are fighting," I explained.

As I'd already been confronted about this (loudly and publicly), he just grunted.

"Oh, please, Naruto," Sakura said loudly. "We both know that's just you're imagination. You probably just do it for attention."

"I'm not sure I really want more attention," I muttered, thinking of the prejudice of the villagers.

Madara twitched slightly. Hashirama placed a protective hand on my head.

"Hn." Sasuke didn't know the reason for the village's hatred and even if he did, I didn't think he'd share in it. Itachi knew this, and though he looked impassive, I could tell he approved.

Iruka-sensei concluded his talk, saying that they would be introduced to their senior ninjutsu intstructors that afternoon.

"Finally," grumbled Madara. I ignored him, as he complained about everything. We left to go eat our lunches.

To my surprise, Itachi drifted over as I was getting my bento box. I watched him with interest. "You think I should eat with Sasuke?" I guessed.

He smiled (_a slight quirk of the lips_) and nodded.

I shrugged. "Sure."

He inclined his head and left to wait with his otouto.

I grabbed my bento and went to find my lunch buddy.

I found him leaning against a window on the upper floor. I smiled cheerfully at him and sat cross-legged on the floor. He raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't object.

I chatted to him about just about anything while we ate. He stayed silent. I didn't mind. He said enough with just a slight movement. It was a good thing I was fluent in Uchiha.

* * *

It was time for us to meet our teacher. Or rather, it was past time.

Madara was irritably drumming his fingers on a desk, a _tum-tum-tum_ sound that only I and the other 'ghosts' could hear. "He is late," the old Uchiha snapped. He pointed a finger at me. "Child, you had best prank him, and make it good."

I blinked at him and stood up to place an eraser in the door.

". . . that's not good enough."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Shisui said cheerfully.

Madara growled at him and started forward. Hashirama grabbed and held onto him, sighing.

Shisui hid behind Itachi.

"That won't work," Sakura said, frowning at me. "He's an experienced jounin. There's no way he'll be caught in something as simple as that."

"So . . ." I said slowly, ". . . you want me to make the prank more complex?"

"Yes . . . I mean, no! _Ergh_!"

"Hells, yeah," Shisui said immediately.

Sasuke's lips were turned up slightly.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to do anything else, as at that moment, our teacher walked through the door.

The eraser plunked onto his spiky silver head. He slowly looked at us. Beside him, a black-haired man was hunched over slightly as he laughed hard and long. A brown-haired woman with purple markings on her cheeks, a bit like I'd seen on the Inuzuka's, was also laughing. It was a very pleasant sound.

"I'm sorry, Sensei," Sakura groveled, "I tried to stop him, but Naruto . . ."

"May I kill her?" Madara wondered aloud."May I silence her forever?"

Hashirama didn't bother protesting, instead saying mildly, "Of course. Just as soon as you become corporeal . . ."

"Damn," he muttered.

"My first impression . . ." The silver-haired teacher smiled. ". . . I hate you."

I wasn't listening. My attention was distracted by a pale green lizard scurrying across the floor.

"Naruto." Hashirama nudged me gently.

I snapped to attention. "Huh? What? What was it?"

"Your teacher was telling you that he hated you all," Madara enlightened me.

I blinked at Silver-Hair over there. "Oh. All of us?"

"All of you," Silver assured me.

"Huh. That's a first." Usually they just hated me.

Sasuke shifted. If he just so happened to brush my shoulder with his, well . . . completely accidental, right?

Yeah, right. I grinned at him.

* * *

"I'd like you to tell us a little about yourselves."

"Like what?" I asked.

Silver-Hair shrugged. "You know. The usual. Your favorite thing, what you hate the most. Dreams, ambitions, hobbies. Things like that."

"Well, in that case, why don't you go first?" I suggested.

"He's right," Sakura nodded. Her arms were wrapped around her legs. "After all, you're a complete stranger to us. A mystery."

"Right, you're sooo mysterious, Bakakashi." The black-haired man (an Uchiha named Obito, he and the girl had already introduced themselves to the group) snickered.

"Hey, women like a man with a bit of mystery." The girl nudged him. "Besides, it goes both ways, doesn't it?"

"Mystery is sexy," Shisui agreed.

Silver began, "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like talking about his likes and dislikes . . ."

"Too much mystery, Bakashi," Obito muttered.

"My dreams for the future are none of your business . . . I have lots of hobbies." Kakashi smiled. "Now that that's over, why don't we start with you, on the right."

Rin facepalmed.

"Me?"

Madara raised an eyebrow. "He certainly doesn't mean me, idiot."

"Right." I nodded. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen and Iruka-sensei and this grump over here." I pointed a thumb at Sasuke, who looked a little surprised. "I also like . . . some other people. My dream is to one day become a better shinobi than Lord Hokage."

Hashirama smiled and ruffled my hair. "I do not doubt that you'll surpass us all."

I smiled. "My hobbies are taking care of my plants, playing pranks, and listening to a certain person complain. Mostly because he never really stops."

Madara scowled impassively (seriously, how does he do it? If I tried, I'd probably just look constipated). Hashirama laughed. Madara snapped at him, and he got all depressed, which really frustrated Madara because he does that too easily.

I realized that I'd been silent for a while and shrugged. "That's about it, I suppose."

Kakashi looked thoughtful. "Next."

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are plenty of things I hate, but that doesn't really matter, because there is very little that I like." He hesitated before saying, "Naruto is . . . not as annoying as some other people . . . so I suppose he is part of that small group."

"Aw," Shisui cooed. Itachi smiled faintly.

Madara twitched. "Quiet."

Shisui pretended to lock his mouth and throw away the key.

"As for my dreams . . . no, my determination . . . 'dream' is just a wor-" He glanced at me. Maybe it was my big blue puppy-dog eyes or the earnest expression on my face as smiled encouragingly at him, but he rethought what he was going to say. ". . . I plan to restore my clan."

"Not until you're older, cousin," Obito interjected.

"And there is a certain man . . ." Sasuke's face darkened. ". . . whom I have sworn to kill."

This seemed to upset Itachi. He reached out to touch his otouto's shoulder, but Sasuke couldn't feel it and didn't notice.

"If that's the case," I decided, "you aren't doing it alone."

The young Uchiha's dark eyes flashed. "Dobe-"

I looked at him. I wasn't angry or even stern or anything. But for some reason he stopped.

(_Naruto didn't know that he looked like help and safety and protection and companionship. But it didn't matter that he was ignorant of just how much of a guardian he looked, because Sasuke was silent and wondering if perhaps he shouldn't be alone in his mission after all_.)

Itachi had a look of fondness and pride.

Kakashi coughed. "Finally, the young lady."

Sakura was glancing at Sasuke and I, perhaps truly seeing us for the first time. "My name is Haruno Sakura. My favorite thing is . . . u-um . . . I like dumplings, actually. And flowers."

"That's right, girl." Rin nodded approvingly. "Let's get you out of the fangirl zone, shall we?"

"I . . . dislike bullies. My dream . . ." Sakura straightened as she remembered what it had been, and would topmost be again. ". . . my dream is to be a strong kunoichi."

"Hmph." Madara grunted. "She might be worth something after all."

Might be worth something? She would be worth_ everything_.

* * *

**A/N**

**So, this is only to get this story started. To get the ball rolling, so to speak. It will get smoother as the story goes on.**

**And yes, I know (now) that Naruto did not, in fact, used the Ninja Centerfold against Mizuki, but by the time I'd remembered that, I'd already written the part out, and I decided to keep it because I liked it. Ghosts with nosebleeds, heh.**

**EDIT: Hey. So, people have been asking questions that I've already answered in later chapters. If you have a question, I'd appreciate you reading to the last chapter 'till you ask it. If you've still got it by the end, then go ahead, but 'till then . . .**

**Also, and this is important, this story is not to be taken too seriously. I write this because it's fun and it makes me laugh, and I posted it because I wanted others to share in my enjoyment. Yeah. That's . . . about all I wanted to say. So . . .**

**Thank you, and have a nice day. Don't forget to grab a coupon for the mangos on aisle 5. I repeat, coupons for mangos on aisle 5. Thank you. Wynter, out. *Screech, static, clatter, a struggle ensues to place the microphone back in its holder.* Bob? Dangit, Bob, how do you turn this thing off? *Fzzt.***

**END EDIT (4/26/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**


	2. Mother Earth

**Disclaimer: I know, I don't own Naruto, fo sho, fools, ya fools, yo!**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

(_General perspective_.)

* * *

_The smallest sprout shows that there is really no death,  
And if ever there was it led forward to life . . .  
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,  
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier._

_\- Mother Earth, _Walt Whitman

* * *

I thought it went rather well.

I mean, the bell test was a little unorthodox, but it got the point through. Although, it did get me wondering what kind of impression people had of me . . .

* * *

_Earlier_:

* * *

"Oh, hey! Free bell!" A pause. "Seriously? How stupid do you think I-_squirrel_!"

* * *

_Now:_

* * *

I sat in the Third Hokage's office, chattering on about the test. As usual, Tobirama stood behind the old man, a tall, white-haired guardian. He and Hashirama were talking quietly, catching up with each other. Madara, as usual, had his arms folded across his chest. He'd let his hip settle against the Hokage's desk.

". . . and then Kakashi-sensei told us about the memorial stone, and Obito said that he was always brooding over there, and that when he was late, he was either actually being lazy or at the stone. He said that it was really depressing to watch, and then Rin whacked him. And then he wrestled with Shisui because he was laughing at him. And then it was time to go," I concluded. Then I added, "But Sasuke and Sakura were totally nice to give me their food, so they're definitely gonna join my harem."

The old man choked on his spit. Hashirama just choked. I wasn't sure he had spit.

". . . what," Madara stated flatly.

"Perhaps you have the wrong idea of what a harem is," Tobirama stated.

The old man nervously suggested the same. I blinked at them confusedly. They went on to explain it to me.

". . . oh. Huh." I thought about it and added, "Cool."

"Not cool," Hashirama interjected a little frantically. "_Definitely not cool_!"

Madara was laughing. It was deep and a little rough. I liked it.

"Calm down," Tobirama said. "He is simply playing with you."

"I'm gonna be a sultan."

Old Man Hokage, who couldn't hear the ghosts, was looking pretty panicked.

Madara was leaning against the desk now in his laughter. "You brat!"

I beamed and surveyed the little sphere of chaos I'd created.

Ah, yes. It was a good day.

* * *

"Who are you always talking to, Naruto?" Sakura asked curiously. We were on a D-rank, pulling out weeds from old woman Mei's garden.

"Hm? You mean the ghosts?"

"No," Madara said sarcastically, "she is speaking of your other invisible friends."

"Aw," I cooed at him, "you just called me your friend!"

I was very satisfied with the glower he sent me.

"Like that," Sakura pointed out, her fist full of weeds. "Who are they?"

"Like I said, they're ghosts. Or, I just call them ghosts. I'm not really sure. Some of the people I see are still alive."

Kakashi-sensei was in a nearby tree. He was looking down at his book, but I could tell he was listening.

"Who?" Sasuke glanced at me.

"You mean dead? Or alive?"

He shrugged. "Either."

I looked around thoughtfully and pointed at the First Hokage, who was sitting cross-legged on the grass, watching me curiously. "Hashirama's over there." I then gestured at the sneering old Uchiha. "Madara's the one I was just talking to."

Sakura nearly choked. "Madara? Uchiha Madara? And Hashirama? Wasn't he the first Hokage?"

"Yep," I confirmed cheerfully.

Kakashi-sensei wasn't bothering to pretend to be reading his book now. Obito was sulking a little, because he'd been reading over his shoulder. "Anyone else?" asked the silver-haired shinobi casually. Or, at least, seemingly casually.

"You mean Rin and Obito? Yeah, they're here."

He didn't look casual at all now. "Where?"

"Well, Obito was reading over your shoulder"-_Kakashi jerked a little_-"and Rin is sitting on the branch across from you."

Kakashi-sensei looked at the branch, as if maybe he could see her, but he couldn't.

Sasuke was watching him, black eyes thoughtful. He was smart. "Is Obito your best friend on the memorial stone?"

Kakashi swallowed. ". . . yes. Yes, he is."

Obito's face softened. "_Aww_."

"Who's Rin?" Sakura asked.

"She was . . . my teammate. I . . . killed her."

"Rin is yelling at you," I noted. "She says it's not your fault and to stop brooding about it." I blinked. "Was that a swear word? I think she just used a swear word." I recoiled a little. "Good gods, woman, there are children here!"

"What do they look like?" Kakashi demanded.

I studied Obito first, thoughtfully. "Obito has spiky black hair and his left eye is missing. He's got scars all on his right side." I gestured to my own side. "He looks about as old as you, so either he was older than you, or it hasn't been that long since he died, or, for some reason, his ghost aged with you."

Kakashi-sensei was looking a little less crazed and more thoughtful. Good. "And Rin?"

"Well, it's kinda weird. Obito's older, but she's still a kid. She's got brown hair and markings on her cheeks. They're purple," I added.

He hummed thoughtfully. "Interesting. And you see Madara and Hashirama as well?"

"Yeah. They've both got long black hair, but Hashirama's is straight while Madara's is crazy."

Madara did that emotionless disdainful sneer thing. "I'll show you crazy, child."

"I can see a whole lot of other people, but they're not here right now." I didn't mention Itachi. I didn't think it would go well. I gave him an apologetic look.

He shrugged his shoulders a little. He could see the reasoning in that. He was a very reasonable person . . . ghost. Whatever.

"Does anybody else know about this?" Kakashi asked.

"Just the Hokage."

He nodded briskly. "Right. Back to work, now."

Darn. I thought he'd forgotten.

We went back to work.

After a while, Kakashi-sensei picked up his book and began reading again. I think he was turning the pages a little slower, though. If Obito noticed, he didn't say anything about it, just settled his chin on Kakashi's shoulder and continued reading with him. Rin looked happy about that.

All in a day's work, ladies and gentlemen. All in a day's work.

"Stop looking so smug," Madara grumbled.

I didn't.

* * *

The cat was purring, rubbing up against legs unseen. Hashirama knelt down, brushing his fingers against its fur.

"Who is it?" Sakura whispered to me.

"Hashirama," I said.

Apparently animals loved the First Hokage. Getting the cat back to its owner was relatively easy. It just followed him with a devotion akin to how I felt about ramen.

"Hmph." Madara grumped.

I smiled knowingly at him. "Jealous?"

He raised a black eyebrow. "Of what?"

"It's okay," I cooed. "I'm sure Hashirama will pet you too, if you ask nicely."

The retribution I had no doubt incurred was worth the look on his face.

* * *

I winced as the cat's owner cooed, rubbing her face against it, holding it tightly in her arms as it yowled and tried to get away.

Hashirama was wincing. Even Madara looked a little sympathetic. Kind of. If you looked really, really closely, and were slightly delusional.

The Third Hokage cleared his throat. "Now, the next assignment for . . . yes, Naruto?"

I'd held my hand up. "Do you think we might qualify for a C-rank?"

"Hmm." He peered at us thoughtfully. "You've done very well these past few months. Very well. I don't see why not."

I grinned. "Thanks, old man!"

He smiled slightly. I wondered if maybe he could feel Tobirama's comforting presence at his back, just a little bit.

"Are you sure, Lord Hokage?" Iruka-sensei asked, sounding concerned.

The old man waved a hand. "It'll be fine. It's only a C-rank. What could go wrong?"

There was a pause. "Wow," Obito finally spoke. "I can't believe he just said that." He shook his head. "We've been jinxed, guys. Let's run while we still can."

We didn't, of course.

"This is usually reserved for shinobi of the journeyman level, but your team has proven yourselves quite capable. You will be protecting a certain individual."

My hopeful expectations were dashed to little tiny pieces when a white-haired man stepped into the room, taking a swig from a bottle of alcohol. "This is them?" he asked condescendingly. "They look like a bunch of wet-nosed brats. Especially the shortie there. He looks like an idiot."

The bits of hope and optimism left over screamed in agony as they withered and died.

"Wow," said Obito. "What a douche. Ow! Rin, whydjya hit me?!"

"Child, I'm afraid you'll have to request another client." Madara non-sneered. "As this one is going to be dead in a minute when I get my hands on him."

"I see dead people," I told the client. "And one of them wants to kill you."

He stared at me.

I stared back.

He turned to the Third Hokage. "Can I get another-"

"No," said the old man sternly. "They are who you are stuck with. Treat them well."

He sighed and turned back. "My name is Tazuna." He went on to say some other things. Bridge builder, blah blah blah, country, yadda yadda, protect him with our lives . . .

_Ooh_! _Ladybug_!

Hmm? What? Did I miss something? Oh. I said that out loud, didn't I?

"What?" I said defensively. "It's pretty!"

Itachi looked amused. Sakura just facepalmed.

* * *

We'd been travelling for a while when Sakura spoke up, asking about the bridge builder's country, the Land of Waves. She wondered if there were ninja there, and Kakashi-sensei explained about that, but I kinda zoned out. I think I started to hum sometime into his explanation, but then Kakashi-sensei laughed and I forgot.

I was jolted out of my reverie when Madara noticed the puddle that we were approaching.

"Strange. I don't believe it has rained for several days," Itachi observed.

"That's not good, is it?" I said it as a question but it was more like a statement.

"Shit," Obito concluded. His eyes then widened and he hurried to say, "Crap! Don't repeat that!"

I gave him an entirely unimpressed look. But I didn't have time to respond, as we were attacked just then.

A chain wrapped around Kakashi-sensei and pulled him apart. Well, it appeared it did. I guessed that it was just a show, because Obito just stared at the place his friend had been, then turned and shook his fist, howling, "_Bakakashi, you asshole_!"

I may have freaked people out a little by choking on a laugh.

"Naruto!" Hashirama yelled, too late.

The two enemy shinobi had chosen me as their next target. Luckily, they hadn't counted on my best bud being a total BAMF.

He jumped, throwing a shuriken and a kunai, nailing the wickedly sharp chain to a tree.

"Now!" Madara barked.

Sasuke couldn't hear him, but he didn't have to. He landed on their arms, which were held up in place by the chain that attached them. He used them as leverage for the kick he aimed at their faces.

Madara cursed. "Move, you idiot child!"

Right, right.

The two shinobi released the chain that held them there as they fell, and they would have caught their balance, if Madara hadn't reminded me that perhaps I should do something about that. I grabbed onto the masks that covered their faces and used their momentum to drive them downward. "Sasuke," I called. He immediately threw himself onto one of them while I took the other. Luckily, I had a kunai on me, and I used the blunt end to whack the guy on the head. Sasuke's guy was also unconscious. I didn't see what happened, but I wouldn't put it past him to have knocked the guy out with just his sheer awesomeness.

I stood up and called, "Okay, come on out now, Kakashi-sensei."

Suddenly, he was there. He smiled cheerfully at us. "Good work, team."

Rin and Obito were staring at him with a ticked expression on their faces.

"I think Rin and Obito want to beat you up," I observed. I also got the same feeling from Itachi, who was standing close to Sasuke with his hands placed on his otouto's shoulders, doing that impassive glare-thing that all Uchihas can do.

"I just wanted to see what you would do," Kakashi-sensei protested.

Madara's hand was twitching towards the sword at his side. Hashirama didn't look like he would stop him. In fact, I'm pretty sure he would have joined in the slaughter.

"If the ghosts could touch you, you would be dead right now," I told him seriously.

Obito strolled over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. It was twitching. "Hey, Naruto," he said casually. It was scary. "Why don't you do a favor for me, huh? Just kill the guy a little? For me?"

Rin smiled sweetly. "Yes, Naruto. I'm sure he wouldn't be missed for long." She spread her hands. "After all, many unpredictable things can happen on any type of mission. Who can blame you if you come back without him?"

I stared at Kakashi-sensei. I'm pretty sure I managed to convey exactly what Obito and Rin were trying to sweet talk me into doing, because he may have cringed a little. It may also have been because I said, "They want me to either maim you or kill you right here and hide the body."

He swallowed. "Right. Well . . . I think I need to have a little talk with Tazuna-san." He fled.

"Right. Yes." Rin cracked her knuckled. "Let's have a . . . 'little talk' with him . . . shall we?"

Obito gave her a sly grin. Out of nowhere, a kunai had appeared in his hands. "I like the way you think."

"Obito, stop caressing that kunai. It's freaking me out," I said. It may have been my imagination, but at that, Kakashi-sensei hurried away a little faster while I was stuck with the ghosts. Lucky dastard.

* * *

After Tazuna-san had confessed about Gato the millionaire and his aspirations of dominion, then practically used emotional blackmail to get us to continue with our mission, we were well on our way to our destination. We'd hitched a ride with on some guy's boat to get across the water, which we needed to do to get to the Land of Waves. He'd taken us as far as he dared, and after thanking him, we were off.

Currently, I was walking beside my favorite lunch buddy, who had his hands in his pockets and was slouching all cool-like. "You should stand straighter," I told him. "Sure, you might look cool now, but that slump is gonna make itself known later in your life, and you won't notice that your posture is getting worse and worse, until your hunch is forcing you to practically bend over. Then you'll just be that hunch-backed guy who actually makes other peoples' backs hurt when they look at you. So they won't. Do you want that, Sasuke? Do you?"

Obito, listening in, winced at the imagery. Itachi coughed, clearly to mask the laugh that he was holding in. _I'm on to you, Face-Lines_.

Sasuke was eyeing me a little weird now, but at least he'd straightened. I counted that as a wi-_ooh_! _Bunny_! I watched with delight as the white rabbit hopped across the path we were following.

Rin frowned in confusion. "Is that a snow hare? I thought they were only white in the winter."

I paused. But that would mean . . . uh . . . _nope, I got nothing_.

"It's been kept indoors, out of the sunlight. Use your brain, brat. What little you have of one." Madara sneered.

"Your earnest support stuns me, Maddy," I said deadpan.

"Don't call me that."

"How about ''Dara'?"

"I will kill you slowly and without regard to your pleas for mercy."

"'Dara it is, then."

He growled at me. Growled! I moved closer to Sasuke. Better safe than sorry, right?

"_Madara_! _Naruto_! _Down_!" Hashirama barked at the same time that Kakashi-sensei and Itachi gave a similar command.

I ducked. Meanwhile, Madara just stood there as something sharp whirled right through him, complaining, "We're ghosts, you idiot Senju. It doesn't matter if we move, we can't get hurt anyway."

"Ah." Hashirama smiled, somewhat sheepishly. "Right."

"Aw, 'Dara, don't be like that. You know it's just because he caaarres about you," I drawled from the ground.

I ignored whatever the older Uchiha sputtered as I looked up to see some guy with bandages over the lower half of his face (Like Kakashi-sensei's mask) standing on the hilt of one big-ass sword, which was stuck in a tree.

Kakashi-sensei stared at him steadily. "Well, well . . . if it isn't Momochi Zabuza."

He said something else, but I got distracted, because for some reason his name made me think of bean dumplings. Mm . . . dumplings . . .

"Are you drooling?" Obito asked suspiciously.

_What? Me? What are you talking about? Drooling? You weirdo_.

I snapped back into focus when Kakashi-sensei said something about not interfering and how Bean Dumpling was on a different plane from our previous opponents.

Madara scoffed. "Different plane? I'll show him a different plane."

"I'm sure you will," I said indulgently. They all looked at me.

Oh. Hadn't Bean Dumpling said something about surrendering the old man just then? Oops.

Kakashi-sensei just sighed and turned back to the enemy food stuff. "Just protect Tazuna-san, will you? And stay out of this fight." He'd reached up to grasp the hitai-ate covering his eye. "Now, Zabuza . . ."

What? Dumpling had a different name?

". . . shall we?" He pulled the headband up.

I peered up at his face and exclaimed, "Oh! That's Obito's, isn't it?" Of course! The eye he covered was the exact one that Obito was missing!

Surprise registered on Sasuke's face. Kakashi-sensei looked down at me with slight amusement. "Yes," he answered, "it's his."

Bean Dumpling Zabuza went off about the eye, which I'd long learned from Madara was called the Sharingan, while I mentally congratulated and greeted a familiar friend.

_Hello, Slow-In-Coming Comprehension. It's nice to meet you. What? Intelligence? What do you mean you can't find it anywhere? Well, forget you, too_.

I blinked when Bea-er, Zabuza, apparently finished with his rant, suggested that while the conversation (strange, I'd always thought a conversation was something two people participated in. Have I been wrong all this time?) was very pleasant, they should probably get on with it. Something about having a tight schedule to polish off the old man.

_Oh? Low on time, are you? Well, so long as you give him a good shine. Don't forget the starch_.

I blinked and suddenly Zabuza Dumpling was standing on the lake we'd incidentally stopped near. It started to get really misty, which I suspected was his doing.

"The finest of the Ninja Arts," he stated as the mist began to completely obscure him. "The Kirigakure Jutsu."

Then he was gone. Like a magician, I thought, and suddenly, in my mind he was wearing a dark tux, a tophat perched atop his head. One trousered leg was crossed casually over the other. One hand was settled on the hilt of his sword, which was the size of a small cane, and he used it like one, leaning his weight against it. "And for my next trick," he would say, "I am going to kill you all. With this toothpick. No, seriously. You're dead." He hefted his weapon. "Say hello to my little friend, Swordy McSwordalot! He likes to stab people. He's a bit eccentric like that, but aren't we all?"

_No, Mr. Bean Magician, sir, I don't think we are. You're pretty special like that. And by 'special' I mean 'crazy like a fox'_.

I suddenly realized that 1: I, in fact, was the one who was crazy like a fox. And 2: Sasuke was shaking.

I was puzzled. Was he cold or something? But Itachi was holding onto him.

"Sasuke." The boy in question jerked at Kakashi-sensei's voice. "Calm down. Even if he gets me, I'll still protect you."

Oh. Were they talking about Zabeanza?

Kakashi-sensei looked at us and smiled. "I will never let my comrades die. Not again."

_Aww_.

"Aww," Obito sighed, echoing my sentiment.

A voice came from the mist. "Don't bet on it."

_Pshaw, you ain't never seen me play roulette. I mean, neither have I, but that doesn't matter_.

Behind me, a presence, and Bean-Buza's voice saying, "Game over."

It wasn't, obviously. Because Kakashi was there with a kunai. Like a boss.

For some reason, I thought of him sitting in a smoke-filled messy office, paperwork everywhere, while he sat back in a black leather chair, legs settled on his desk, ankles crossed. He held a coffee cup in one hand and a glazed donut in the other. Taking a bite of the donut, he stated with his mouth full, "Not my division," before taking a large drink of coffee.

He was the very picture of a lazy, useless boss who let all the paperwork accumulate in the hopes that someone would finally get sick of it all and do it for him.

_Thank God he isn't like that_, I thought, gazing at our teacher. It was then that I noticed that he appeared to be stuck in some kind of sphere of water, at the probably-non-existent mercy of Zabubean. What the heck? When had that happened?

Zabeanie created a water doppelganger, which then went off on a rant about 'real ninja'. And then he kicked me in the face.

"Naruto!" cried Sakura and Hashirama and Rin and Obito. Wow, had they practiced that?

Madara cursed. "You idiot!" Rather rude of him, I thought.

I blinked up at the sky from where I'd fallen. "Dude, ow," I said.

Sasuke snorted, but it sounded kinda relieved. "Dobe."

"Timmy . . . listen to me, Timmy . . . don't fall down a well."

". . . what?"

Huh . . . that had come out weird.

Kakashi-sensei was yelling at us to take Tazuna, to leave him and go. I carefully sat up, wincing. I glanced at the object the Zabu-doppel was standing on. Was that my headband? Oh, hell no!

I rushed at him. He hit me again, but it was totally part of my master plan. I was thrown all the way back to Sakura and Sasuke, but that, too, was all part of my genius.

"What were you thinking?!" Sakua shrieked.

Thinking? Was I thinking?

"Junior ninja like us can't . . ." She trailed off at the sight of the hitai-ate leaf headband in my hand.

". . . idiot child." Madara's fists were clenched. Hashirama carefully took one of his hands in his and slowly helped to uncurl the fingers. The old Uchiha managed to let his hands relax. If he hadn't been a ghost, I suspect his palms would have bleeding crescent cuts in each one.

Hashirama held the hand in his to his cheek, turning his face into the undamaged palm. He calmly met Madara's red Sharingan eyes with his own dark ones.

Not for the first time, I wondered if something had changed in their afterlife. Like, say, their sexual orientation. Or if they'd been like that before. Or whether they were just really, really close friends.

Madara noticed my gaze and snapped, "Wipe that obscene smirk from your face, brat!"

Hashirama's expression was the very picture of 'confused and oblivious'.

Wiping the blood (and the smirk . . . mostly) from my mouth, I redirected my stare at Zabuza. "Yo, Dumpling. Got a new listing for your . . . uh . . ."

_Bingo book_, whispered my mind. Thank Kami for a subconscious that listens while I'm zoning out.

"For your bingo book!" I said triumphantly. "It's the name of the dude who's gonna be the next Lord Hokage of Konohagakure. Remember his name, he's a real cool guy." I coughed. "When he's not speaking in the third person, anyway." I tied my headband to my forehead. "Uzumaki Naruto, yo. Konoha-school _ninja_." I emphasized the 'ninja' since Zabuza-Bean seemed particularly keen on dismissing it. Then I gestured at Sakura and Sasuke. "And my sidekicks, BAMF Blossom and Awesome the Ass-kicker. Awesome's the teen heartthrob over there, by the way."

"Almost," Obito groaned. "You were almost cool, Naruto."

I ignored him. Almost? _Puh-lease_. There's no '_almost_' about it. Quote-unquote, yo. "Right, BAMF, Awesome." I turned to them. "I gots us a plan, for reals."

Awesome the Ass-kicker looked slightly pained for some reason, but it couldn't have anything to do with me, so I ignored it. "So, here's what we do . . ."

* * *

**A/N**

**So, you may have noticed that Naruto is a little (okay, a lot) different than in canon. That may or may not be because of the influence all the ghosts had on him as he was growing up.**

**Also, there is a reason I did not include the bell test scene. And that is because I _loathe_ the bell test scene. That scene hates me. It sucks all of the inspiration from my soul and leaves me staring at the screen like some kind of blank-eyed zombie. That scene is evil. I tried writing it once for another story I was working on, and _ugh_ . . . never again.**

**I will also be skimming over fight scenes. I'm terrible at fight scenes. The most I can usually do is 'she kicked him where the sun didn't shine' or 'he punched him' or 'a kunai went flying and struck something that was really unfortunately vulnerable'. So, yeah.**

**Lastly, I thought that you might have the same questions that Rangrids posed, so I thought that I would answer that review here. Naruto has always been able to see ghosts, and Madara and Hashirama, as far back as he can remember, have always been there. They're kind of like a pair of slightly strange, incorporeal uncles to him.**

**Those were some really good questions that, had I been the one reading this, I would have wanted answered, so here they are. I'm glad you think this story has potential and that it's well presented. I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. :)I love you guys! Thanks for all your reviews!**

**EDIT: Ah, sorry, one more thing. I thought that it wouldn't be long before Team Seven would ask Naruto about whoever he talked to, and that's why I didn't draw it out. However humorous the odd looks that he got would be.**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**


	3. Hero

**Disclaimer: Okay, get ready for this. It's gonna come as a shock, I know . . . but . . . I don't own Naruto! *Gasps!* I know! I was surprised too!**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

* * *

_And they say that a hero can save us,_

_I'm not gonna stand here and wait . . ._

_I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles,_

_Watch as we all fly away . . ._

_\- Hero, _Nickelback

* * *

"Ready?" I asked cheerfully.

Zabean Dumpling sneered. "You're very sure of yourself. You think you three brats can take me?"

"I told you to run!" Kakashi-sensei barked. "Do your duty! We're here to protect Tazuna-san!"

I blinked and looked back at the old man. "Gramps?"

He looked back at us. "I got us into this mess by lying." He smiled. "Give it everything you've got."

I beamed. Now that was a surprisingly cool guy.

"Hmf." Sasuke smirked. "Let's go."

Zabuza began to chuckle. "Apparently you don't care whether you live any longer." He went on, with occasional input from Master Kakashi. Playing ninja . . . hands dyed by enemies' blood . . . demon . . . blah, blah, blah . . .

To be honest, I wasn't really listening. I blame Madara's brother. Mostly because he chose that moment to appear.

He would never admit it, but the big, bad Uchiha brightened upon seeing his little brother's face. "Izuna."

"Hello, Madara. Hashirama." He looked curiously at Obito and Rin. They introduced themselves, and then we were all buddy-buddy.

Hashirama cheerfully clapped Izuna on the back. "Nice to see you again, Izuna."

"I've not been gone that long," Izuna protested.

"No, but I'm sure it felt like years to your doting, obsessed brother."

Madara shot him a glare. "I am not obsessed."

"Ah, but you don't deny that you dote on him?"

"Why should he?" I interjected. "It's true, after all."

"Quiet," Madara muttered, proceeding to cling to his brother like peanut to butter.

I spared a moment of envy for wishing that I had a minion as devoted as that.

"Wow, that's Madara?" I heard Obito whisper to Rin. "Somehow, he's not what I expected."

Itachi nudged me. "Naruto, about the graduation exorcise . . ."

I blinked confusedly. "Graduation exorcise? What graduation exorcise?"

Zabuza answered, "A 'killing spree' among students."

_What_? Okay, what had I missed?

It was explained, and I listened intently, until-_is that a butterfly_? _Prett_y!

And then Momeanie Zabubu was in front of Sasuke, throwing his elbow into him and smashing him to the ground. The young Uchiha coughed. There was blood.

It seemed to grow dark around Itachi, whose Sharingan red eyes were flashing.

"Oh, crap," I exclaimed. I didn't know if Itachi could seriously possess me to kick Zabu's backside, but I didn't want to take that chance.

Zabu sneered down at Sasuke, one foot on his stomach. "Time to die."

_Oh, hell, no_. I quickly made the seals for _Art of the Doppelganger_, took out my kunai, and attacked. Of course, he swatted us all away with his big freakin' sword, but all I'd wanted was for Sasuke to be able to get away. The sword hit me, too, of course, but I managed to get my backpack off as I flew and reach into it, closing my hand around my target and throwing it to Sasuke as I skidded by-_and can I just say_, _Ow_?

Sasuke, awesome ass-kicker that he is, rolled with it. He took the huge shuriken and jumped into the air to throw it at Zabuza. It flew past his clone and straight at Zabuza himself.

"Amateur." He sneered, catching the shuriken, but there was a second in the shadow of the first one. He dodged that, saying, "Still an amateur."

I just knew Sasuke was smirking, as the shadow shuriken transformed back into me. Zabuza didn't expect that, and wasn't prepared for the kunai I lobbed at him. He had to move, pulling his arm from the water prison he'd trapped Kakashi-sensei in, or else lose an arm. That . . . predictably made him pretty angry. He pulled his arm back to pitch the large shuriken in his hand at me, but the trap that had kept Kakashi-sensei from moving had collapsed, and, well, his fist got in the way of the shuriken. Zabuza gasped.

I gazed at him, a little in awe. In that moment, he looked a little like some wrathful silver-haired god, a guardian with mismatched eyes risen in fury from the sea (_though it was actually a lake. And he also looked kinda like a drowned rat_).

And then he spoke. "Naruto . . . your plan was brilliant. Sasuke, Sakura . . . you've grown. All of you."

Yep. In spirit, if not stature.

Zalosa tried a scoff. "So you made me fly into such a rage that I dropped the spell holding the water prison together."

"No. You didn't drop your spell. It was broken from without," answered Kakashi-sensei. And he proceeded to beat the stuffing out of the mist-nin. He copied all of his moves, at the same time as Zabuza did them, and it really freaked out the criminal.

Meanwhile, I was still in the lake.

"Naruto," Hashirama called, gesturing, "come on over here!"

I trudged over, soaking wet of course. I shivered. Suddenly, it seemed much colder than it had when I was dry. _Gee_. _Wonder why_.

I was glad to have my jumpsuit on, at least. I noticed that Itachi was hovering over his little brother. I wondered if Sasuke could feel his warmth.

But then I was distracted by the needles that were suddenly sticking out of Zabuza's neck. Seriously, just . . . _ouch_.

But I supposed it didn't matter, as he was most likely dead. My attention was drawn to the person standing on a nearby tree limb. I couldn't see his face for the mask over it.

"Tch." Madara non-scowled. "Who's that brat?"

Kakashi-sensei placed his fingers over Zabuza's pulse. And found none, I expected.

"He's a hunter-nin, brother," Izuna said patiently. "Really, Madara, is your mind going already?"

'Already'? Wasn't he a hundred or two years old? I would think that it had gone long ago.

"Impertinent imp," Madara muttered, scowl deepening as he held his brother closer. He might as well have mumbled, _'Why do I love you_ . . .'

But he didn't. Because he, quite frankly, basically _Just Did_. And when you _Just Did_ something, why bother questioning it?

Izuna cracked a grin.

I waved at the boy-who was clearly still a teenager. "Who are you?"

"Well, he's not an enemy," Kakashi-sensei answered, pushing himself to his feet.

"Uh, yeah. That's not what I asked."

"Don't give that 'duh' look to your teacher, you disrespective son of a Red-Hot Habanero."

"What?"

". . . nothing." He coughed. "Anyway, this probably won't be the last time that we face someone who's both younger than you and stronger than me."

"Shouldn't that be 'stronger than I'?" I wondered.

His hand, in the middle of ruffling my hair, tightened on my head. ". . . Naruto . . ."

"Yeah?"

". . . just . . . don't think too much."

". . . okay."

"I'm sure that will be very easy for you."

I had a mean, mean teacher.

After that, the hunter-nin quickly took Zabuza's body and left. And then Kakashi-sensei collapsed, apparently having used the Sharingan more than he should have.

"Some teacher you are," I commented.

"Naruto . . ."

"Shutting up right now, teach."

* * *

So, here we were. Training. Because apparently, Zabuza-Bean wasn't dead after all, and that hunter-nin was simply his accomplice or something.

This, of course, was after we got Tazuna-san home. And our encounter with his grandson, who was very, very cynical about heroes. "Heroes? What heroes?"

Yeah. I nearly choked. _What heroes_?

But the black-haired ghost with the X-shaped scar on his chin looked sad. He gave me an apologetic smile and went to comfort Inari, in his own unseen way.

Right. Training. Kakashi-sensei wanted to discuss chakra, but I already knew all about it, thanks to my ghosts. So, we were climbing trees. It made a lot more sense once I learned that we weren't going to use our hands. Even Sasuke looked interested when Kakashi-sensei demonstrated for us.

The first time I tried, I ended up falling back and whacking my head on the ground while Madara bust a gut laughing. "It's too bad you can't laugh to death," I told him as I got up.

"Just"-_snicker_-"concentrate, Naruto."

"I heard that, you know," I said. "You're not fooling anybody, 'Rama. Your poker face is nonexistent."

"Simply do as we do," Izuna advised the First Hokage, "and laugh without restraint at the happenings of idiots."

"You guys suck," I grumbled.

And so it went.

I didn't really get anywhere even after a while, and Hashirama and Madara didn't really have any useful advice for me. I didn't know whether they climbed trees back when they were still alive, but if they did, they probably didn't have a hard time of it. They were a pair of seriously overpowered geniuses, though they had their moments of idiocy, much to my delight.

Sakura actually made it farther than any of us on her first try, so I thought I'd see if she'd give me any tips.

The next day, I was nearly equal with Sasuke. I say nearly, because I got easily distracted and that made me lose concentration. Knowing this, I closed my eyes and focused on my feet, until my concentration was such that everything else was dark. And then Sasuke said, "Hey, Naruto."

With a sigh, I opened my eyes to the light. "Yeah?"

". . . uh . . . well . . ."

I blinked at him curiously.

He looked away self-consciously. And . . . was that a flush to his cheeks? "Wh . . . what did Sakura say to you?"

Wow. He really wasn't used to asking for help, was he?

But despite his discomfort, he did so. I smiled at him and explained. "It takes energy to generate and manipulate chakra, so if you get all stressed and distracted it won't work. I get distracted real easily, and that's why it's so hard for me. You need to relax and focus on the tree you're climbing until you can feel how much energy you need to center in the soles of your feet."

He nodded thoughtfully and began to turn away before pausing. He looked back at me and said, a little clumsily, ". . . thanks."

I gave him a (_slightly lop-sided_) grin. "Yeah."

Sitting cross-legged with his back against a tree, Itachi watched us and smiled a little.

* * *

"Boy, this is real fun!" Tazuna-san laughed. "I don't know the last time I shared a meal with so many people!"

I gave him a grin. "Well, I'm happy to eat with you whenever you want."

If Madara had been any less coolly dignified, he would have rolled his eyes. "Of course you are."

Later, when we were having tea, Sakura was peering at a photograph on the wall. "Um . . . why is this picture torn? Little Inari was looking at this all through dinner. But someone's face is completely gone-is that deliberate?"

I noticed Tazuna-san, his daughter Tsunami pause. Inari had tensed.

". . . it was a picture of Inari's father," Ms. Tsunami said carefully.

"Once upon a time . . . if you will . . . our entire city called him a hero." Tazuna-san looked regretful.

Abruptly, Inari stood up and began walking to the door. The black-haired man with the scarred chin followed him, looking upset.

"Inari, where are you going?" Tsunami-san called. "Inari!"

The door slammed shut.

I frowned. I didn't like the way the boy treated his mother. If I'd had mine, I wouldn't have treated her that way.

Tsunami-san rounded on Tazuna-san. "Dad! I told you not to say anything in front of my son!" she snapped.

Sakura's brow furrowed. "You're talking about whatever it is that's making Inari act so strangely?"

"Sounds like there's a story there," Kakashi-san commented.

". . . the man in the picture wasn't Inari's birth father. But they loved each other as much as any biological father and son would have. Inari was such a happy, laughing child back then . . ." Tazuna-san began to cry. "But Inari changed . . . after what happened to his father."

Madara's lip had curled when tears had started sliding down the old man's face. He said nothing when Hashirama gave him a sharp look, but leaned against the wall and sneered faintly.

"Our people-and especially little Inari-were robbed of the meaning of courage . . . because of what happened that day."

"'What happened'?" Kakashi-sensei repeated. "What did happen? What could've changed that kid so much?"

Tazuna-san slid off his wire-rim glasses to wipe his eyes. "Let me start from the beginning . . . I'll tell you about the man our entire land called a champion and a hero."

And thus began the dreaded back-story.

At the end of it all, Madara was not happy. "He's a brat," he concluded.

"Madara-" began the First Hokage.

"Stay silent, Hashirama!" snapped the old Uchiha. "He shames his father with this behavior! He does not acknowledge so-called 'heroes', yet what is Kaiza? It was an honorable death that he died because of protecting this very land. Protecting that child, but does he recognize it?" He scoffed. Izuna shifted closer and Madara drew his brother to his side. Hashirama sighed but also moved nearer to his old enemy and friend.

"Alright." I decidedly pushed myself from my chair. But my training made itself known in a most displeased way, and I staggered.

Sakura noticed. "What are you doing, Naruto?"

"Don't even think about training any more today," Kakashi-sensei warned. "If you try to work your chakras without getting some rest first, you'll most likely kill yourself."

"I'm going to show him," I said.

"Show what? To whom?" Sakura questioned.

"Inari. He believes that there aren't any heroes in this world." I smiled. "There are. And I'm going to show him."

"You talk big, child," Madara remarked.

"Oh? Is it talking big if I fully intend to do as I say? I don't go back on my word," I reminded him as I walked out the door. "You know that."

". . we shall see, child," he murmured. "We shall see . . ."

Yes. They would.

(_In that moment, if Tsunade-hime, aka the Slug Princess, aka The Sucker had bet on him, she would have made millions. And probably been twitchy the rest of the time waiting for the other shoe to drop, but still . . . millions_.)

* * *

**A/N**

**So, as you've probably noticed, I won't be going into detail on events that you should assume went pretty much as canon did.**

**That said, I want to thank all of you who have reviewed, favorited and followed. Really, you make me want to hurry up and write something so that I can go ahead and post it for you!**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**


	4. The Garden of Proserpine

**Disclaimer: I would say, 'Lowly mortals, I do, indeed, own Naruto!' but it's not April Fools.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**You know what they say. Follows are a spark, favorites warm that spark to a flame, but reviews light a fire in my soul. Dang, where have I heard those words before? In a song, I know, but I just can't think of it . . . ah, yes. _"Start a fire in my soul, fan the flames and let them grow."_**

**Anyway, read on, my lovelies!**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_From too much love of living,_

_From hope and fear set free,_

_We thank with brief thanksgiving_

_Whatever gods may be_

_That no life lives for ever;_

_That dead men rise up never;_

_That even the weariest river_

_Winds somewhere safe to sea._

\- "_The Garden of Proserpine_"

Algernon Charles Swinburne

* * *

"You'll catch your death of cold, sleeping on the ground like this," came a soft, feminine voice.

"Mn . . ." I opened my eyes, looking up groggily. A woman was leaning over me with a friendly smile. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. "Who're you?"

I didn't get her name, but somehow I ended up collecting herbs for her.

"I'm sorry to have imposed on you," she apologized.

I waved a dismissive hand. "It's no problem. But this is some job you took, lady, picking all this so early in the morning."

"Look at who's talking," she retorted. "What were you doing here, at the crack of dawn?"

I gave her a wide grin. "Training!"

"Really?" She peered at me. "That headband you're wearing . . . are you some kind of ninja?"

"Don't you remember me?" I asked, puzzled. "We met earlier, when you took that Bean Dumpling guy."

She looked confused. "Bean dumpling?"

"Zabuza," I clarified.

She stilled. "You know?"

I nodded amiably. "Yeah."

"How?" she asked warily.

I wondered if I should mention the ghost Zabuza who was following her around, currently leaning against a nearby tree with his arms crossed. "Uh . . . I just recognized you. Though I didn't know that you were a girl when we first met."

She relaxed enough to give me a small smile. "I'm not."

I gaped. Seriously? He looked more feminine than Sakura! "Really?"

"Yes."

". . . wow. Huh." After a pause I added, "I'm Naruto."

He looked surprised. "You're introducing yourself to your enemy?"

"My enemy? But I'm collecting herbs with you," I protested. "Do we have to be enemies right now?"

He hesitated before offering, "I'm Haku."

I grinned widely. "Well, we've got a pretty big pile here. Is there anything else you need? Oh, are these for Bea-er, Zabuza?" I realized.

He lowered his head in a nod. "Yes. Some of those, perhaps." He pointed, then asked curiously, "Why do you call him that?"

"Bean Dumpling? His name just reminds me of it," I explained. "And now I can't really think of him as anything else."

"I . . . see." He didn't look like he did.

"Can I ask you something?" I didn't look up as I picked some more herbs.

"Of course. I may not answer, but go ahead."

"Why are you working for Gato? I mean, from what I've heard of him, he doesn't seem like he'll hold up his end of the deal."

"He knows better than to mess with Master Zabuza."

"Really?" I said doubtfully. "He sounds really conceited, but if you think so . . ."

Madara's expression was amused. "You devious brat."

Haku looked at me evenly. "Enough. I believe these herbs are fine."

I may have pouted a little.

* * *

The sky was dark. Sasuke stood, balanced casually on the top of his tree, cool guy that he is, while I clung to mine like a spider monkey to peanut butter. "Want to head back?"

"'Kay."

He smiled. I swear, it was an honest-to-Kami smile. Kind of smirkish, but you know . . . Baby steps!

* * *

Later, at the dinner table (after Sasuke had half-carried me back) I dunno why, but Inari just blew up. He shouted at me, about how we'll never beat Gato, about how I don't know anything and this wasn't my town, and that I didn't know a thing about him, I was always clowning around, having fun, not knowing a thing of loneliness or suffering . . .

I admit. I didn't take it well.

I know. I was lucky I had my ghosts. I didn't want to think of what life would be like without them. But even with them, I was ostracized and hated by most of the village, barring a very few. But how I loved those few . . .

So, yes. I snapped. Pent up frustration was so fun to let loose, especially on a little kid. _Whee_ . . .

"I feel like such a jerk."

"Suck it up. He was a brat, you were a brat . . . you're both still brats," Madara said offhandedly.

"Wow. Madara, you excel at this comforting thing. Do you take lessons?"

"Oh, no, believe me," Izuna said airily, "this is natural."

"A veritable inborn mother," I spoke with awe.

"Indeed. The way he fusses over you just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?" Hashirama mused.

"Like an overheated bunny," I added.

They turned to stare at me. Finally, Izuna said, "Okay, we were ganging up on him, and it was fun, but then you just made it weird."

"What? You should be used to this by know," I defended.

"You and your little quirks," Hashirama said fondly.

"Yes. My psychosis is adorable, isn't it?"

"Bed time," Madara decided.

"Aww, but I'm not even at my weirdest yet," I protested. "Gimme a minute or two . . ."

"Go to bed, brat."

"M'kay."

* * *

_They ditched me! I overslept . . . but they ditched me!_ I hurried as fast as I could to get to the bridge, but then of course I found a stuck pig in the forest slashed to ribbons (which, by the way, _what the heck_?) and had to go back. I beat up the two guys sent there by Gato to take Inari's mom hostage and then I apologized to the kid, who I admitted was actually rather brave. _A big, strong boy_, I said . . . he cried again, but this time not because he was sad. I think I've got a new little brother now. But anyway, when I finally got to the bridge, the fight was in full-swing.

I . . . may have made a bit of a show at my entrance. Um . . . does it mean anything that when I got there, Haku said aloud, "The maverick show-stopper comedy ninja?"

I groaned. "Kakashi-sensei! What have you been telling these folks?"

"The truth," he said bluntly.

"Aww," I whined.

"Naruto," Sasuke called in irritation. "Stop with your comedy sketch and come on."

I pouted. "Even you, Sasuke? I thought you were on my side!"

"I don't side with the circus, thanks."

"Such dry humor! You kill me!"

"I will if you don't get over here, and not with my humor."

"Right, boss." I scurried over.

"Not in the the middle of the mirrors, you idiot!"

"Sheesh, can't get anything right . . ." I muttered.

What can I say? We fought. Haku was seriously far above us at our current strengths. Uh . . . we got a couple of senbon stuck in us, nothing fatal, which was nice. Still hurt, though. Hashirama was cringing and both he and Madara would shout suggestions/commands at me on what to do. Madara's were mostly insulting, but then, when weren't they? _Never! Never, I say!_

I didn't bother yelling comebacks . . . mostly. What? I can't keep this brilliance inside! No matter if I seem cray-cray to my opponent, my wit cannot be held back!

_What wit?_

_Shut up, Inner Madara._

_Then don't talk nonsense, brat._

_Aargh! Why couldn't I have had Hashirama as a voice in my head?_

_He's not mean enough._

_. . . I see why you got the job, then._

_Watch the fight, you little idiot!_

_Ouch!_

I lay on the ground, groaning, back pierced with needles . . . but then I heard him, Sasuke, say, "Jeez . . . no matter how many times I warn you . . . you just keep getting in my way, don't you, Naruto . . .?"

I looked up quickly. "Sasuke-"

He was . . . standing in front of me. Covered in needles, red blood splattering the ground to match his eyes.

"Get that expression off your face . . . you dobe . . ."

I couldn't . . . I . . . "Damn," I managed.

"Hmph." A tired smirk crossed his face. "I used to . . . hate you, you know . . . but you just wouldn't leave me alone . . ." His smirk fell. "You get under peoples' skin, you know . . ."

"You . . . why?" I asked, anguished. Itachi was standing at his brother's side, but I think he was frozen in place.

"How should I know . . .? I just moved . . . didn't think . . . fool . . ."

I didn't know who he was calling a fool, me or him. But then he fell, and it didn't matter, and I caught him.

"I swore I wouldn't die . . ." He coughed. It was bloody. ". . . until I killed him . . . my brother . . . thought the oath would save me, for some reason . . . but . . . you . . . don't you dare die . . ."

"Me?" I choked out a laugh. "Don't you dare die, you . . . you . . . I don't even . . . Sasuke . . .?"

He'd closed his eyes when he'd been speaking. He probably wasn't going to open them again. His body was lax in my arms. I noticed, somewhat irrelevantly, that he was far too thin. I should have taken him out to eat more . . .

Haku was speaking. _He sacrificed himself for me? Yes, I know he did that. Kinda hard to miss. A shinobi worthy of the utmost respect? Yes, he is-_was_ that. Is this the first time a comrade of mine has died? Mm, let me think about that_ . . .

"Such is the ninja's path."

"Stop talking." _Gods, just . . . stop_.

"Naruto . . ." One of my ghosts. Which one? Hashirama? I didn't notice.

I exhaled.

_So this was what people meant when they talked about their vision going red_ . . .

* * *

I gently set down my young friend, softly pushing his black hair back with one clawed hand before standing up.

Red chakra swirled around me, thick and inhuman-yet so familiar.

The person-_Haku, it's Haku, remember_-quickly threw several needles at me. I deflected them as he leapt to another ice mirror. Then he drove forward again, a senbon in his hand. I threw myself out of the way. He threw himself, presumably to get to another mirror, but I caught him. Everything was so fast-the next thing I knew, I was driving my fist into his face. He was thrown through his own mirror, and it shattered, ice shards falling to the ground like so much glass. The rest quickly followed.

I leapt at him and almost punched him again . . . but his mask had cracked and fallen to pieces, and he didn't move to stop me. So I halted myself.

". . . why did you stop?"

_Stop talking_.

"I murdered your comrade . . . your beloved friend . . . and you still spare me?!" he asked incredulously.

_Don't look back, don't look back, don'tlookback_-

I looked back.

"Craaap-" I punched him. Again.

On the ground, Haku coughed and pushed himself back up. And he talked. He talked so much, and I asked questions (_why?_) and he answered (_once, I was precious_) and he was so much like me that it hurt. He talked of Zabuza and he smiled, and that hurt, too. I think...his heart was more than a little broken (_"__And then it came to me...I knew what I was...And I was forced to accept it. That was the most painful thing...accepting that I was alone in the world...superfluous. Unwanted. Shunned...")._

And then he told me to take his life.

Beside him, the ghost Zabuza tensed. "No! Kid, don't you dare," he snapped.

"Please, Naruto. Kill me. What are you waiting for?"

"What is with you?" I snapped. "You want me to kill you, just because you lost? There's more to life than just fighting. There's more to you! You can't be nothing but a tool to Zabuza!"

He looked sad. "That day we met, in the forest . . . I remember thinking that we were two of a kind . . . surely you can understand . . ."

_Understand_? _Understand what_?

"You'll have to bloody your hands. Forgive me for that." He sounded truly regretful.

"_No_," ghost-Zabuza ground out.

My brow furrowed. "This is it? There's no other way? There's no other outcome?"

"Yes." Haku looked so accepting.

Zabuza-yūrei stepped in front of the young shinobi. "You go through me to get to him."

Madara let out a short laugh. "Well, well. He does care."

I stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before stepping back. "No."

Haku looked startled. "No?"

"I won't kill you. Trust me, your boss wouldn't like it. You wouldn't want to make him cry, would you?"

"But . . ." He looked completely befuddled before demanding, "Why? I killed your comrade!"

"Damnit, Haku," Zabuza-yūrei ground out before turning to me. "He's not dead. He's just in a comatose state."

Ah! Like what Haku'd done to Zabuza when pretending to be a hunter-nin! _Oh, good-O_!

I felt like beaming, but managed to keep it down. "He's not dead. So I won't kill you. I won't take away someone else's precious person."

"How-? I'm not-"

"You are. I can tell. Zabuza really cares for you."

It was clear Haku was doubtful about that. "I am simply his tool."

I shook my head. "Believe me. You're a lot more than that."

Perhaps he didn't believe me completely, but from the look of wonder on his face, he was starting to.

Suddenly, Zabuza cursed. "Shit!"

As if he'd heard him, Haku's attention snapped elsewhere. "Sorry, Naruto, I've got to-"

"Go."

He went.

Behind me, I could hear Madara's voice, full of amusement. "You are soft, child."

"That's not always a bad thing, 'Dara," I responded.

"Don't call me that."

Izuna sighed. "Just give up, brother. You know he delights in enraging us."

"Please." I flipped a hand. "Just you?"

"Not at all. By 'us' I meant 'everybody'."

I grinned and winked. "You know it."

Hashirama coughed. "Ahem. Shouldn't you be checking on young Sasuke?"

"Oh, right."

"Brilliant mind, that one," remarked the lingering Zabuza ghost.

"A real genius," Izuna agreed.

"Shuddup."

"So eloquent, too," Hashirama added.

Madara chuckled.

Grumbling, I went to check on the only person who wouldn't insult me. Considering that was only because he was in a comatose state, that was pretty sad.

* * *

Haku arrived on the scene to find Kakashi-sensei going at Zabuza with some kinda lightning attack. Zabuza wasn't able to move because he was being held in place by Kakashi-sensei's dog summons, so Haku tackled Kakashi-sensei, causing the attack to be misdirected into the concrete of the bridge. Not long after that, Gato had shown up, along with a bunch of hired nukenin in predictable betrayal. Predictable to me and my ghosts, at least. Anyway, that hadn't gone over well with either Haku (totally alive! Yay!) or Zabuza, and as he was no longer in Gato's employ, he went ahead and completely slaughtered them all. Well, most of them. The rest ran when they saw him coming.

Sasuke awoke soon after that. I may or may not have cried manly tears of joy at his revival. Also may or may not have squished him to me like an enthusiastic mother in the midst of a sudden bout of strong affection for her adorable child. Maybe. I think Itachi wished he could do the same. He settled for hovering over his brother almost anxiously. I made a mental note to hug him the next time the opportunity came up (_i.e. when there weren't any alive people around_).

And then Inari came, along with the villagers, armed with various weapons that probably hadn't actually been weapons before they decided to use them as such.

Later, it was really awkward having Zabuza and Haku over for dinner, but I insisted, and Haku was okay with it. Awkward for other people, I mean. I actually kinda liked them. Before they left, I told Haku that I would write to him, and to see Tazuna-san about the letters whenever they passed through the area. He promised to reply when he could. And they departed.

Then it was time for us to leave.

"Thanks to you, our bridge has finally been completed, but it's going to be awfully dull around here without you around," Mr. Tazuna said.

"It's okay! We'll come back to visit sometime!" I beamed.

"You better." Inari snuffled. "Aw . . ."

"Darnit, Inari, if you cry, then I'm gonna cry . . ." I sniffed.

"I'm not gonna cry!" he immediately denied. "B-but you can go ahead and cry . . . big brother . . ."

"_Aww_!" I swooped in and wrapped him in a big hug. We were soon sobbing into each other's arms.

* * *

Later, I announced to my ghosts, "I regret nothing."

Hashirama stared at me. "That's good. But it's two in the morning."

Ah, the love. I can feel it from here.

"Go to sleep already, child," Madara grumbled.

Fine, fine. Jeez . . .

(. . . _and all was well_.)

* * *

**A/N**

**Yūrei - ghost**

**What can I say? I just couldn't kill that pair off. Plus, I like writing them. I wanna write another meeting between them and Naruto. Hmm, I wonder where I could fit that in . . .**

**Anyway, thus endeth the culmination of the Wave Arc. Next, the Chunin Exams, and a certain unstable, panda-eyed, bloodthirsty redhead.**

**EDIT: So, I've been told by my good friend RisingDaemon that I needed to add more to the mirror scene. I wholeheartedly agreed, and I have to say, I am very pleased with how it turned out. Yay, constructive critique! Seriously, thanks, Rising. I'm not sure I would have done anything about that if you hadn't said anything.**

**(Last edit: 7/25/2015****)**


	5. Book of Days

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I do have a pineapple!**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**I'm like some kind of review zombie, so I want to thank all you wonderful people for your reviews. Your comments were delicious.**

(_General perspective._)

* * *

_One day  
One night  
One moment  
My dreams could be  
Tomorrow  
One step  
One fall  
One falter  
East or west  
Over earth or by ocean  
One way to be my journey  
This way could be my book of days_

_O la go la  
Mo thuras  
An bealach fada romham  
O oiche go hoiche  
Mo thuras  
Na scealta nach mbeidh a choich  
_

_\- Book of Days, _Enya

* * *

My morning was regular. I got up, brushed my teeth, took a shower, ate breakfast . . . I'd gotten rather good at cooking thanks to instructions from my ghosts. Okay, it'd mostly been by trial and error, with results that often made me shudder to remember, and some of the suggestions had been just plain wrong-_there are just some things that you do not use oil for, Madara_-but all in all, I thought I'd turned out pretty good.

Anyway, I met with my teammates not long after that.

"'Morning, Sakura, Sasuke!" I may have leapt upon Sasuke to wrap my arms around him and cling to him tightly, my cheek smushed against his shoulder.

He let out a strangled sound. I ignored it.

Shisui was there. He stared at us for a moment before turning to my self-appointed guardians. "What have you done to that kid?"

Hashirama gave him a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

Shisui waved his arms around. "He's a-a pint-sized, fuzzy, orange monster of unrestrained affection!"

Madara snorted. "Trust me, this is not because of any of our teachings."

"Well . . ." Hashirama hedged.

Shisui turned to stared at him. "What did you _do_?"

I ignored them in favor of showering the youngest Uchiha with all of my overflowing fondness for him and the world in general.

About three hours later, Kakashi-sensei finally showed up, spouting some nonsense about getting lost.

"On the road of life," Obito inserted.

"Without a map," Rin added.

I groaned. "They're a trio!"

Kakashi-sensei raised an eyebrow.

"You have accomplices," I told him.

He looked delighted, curse the man.

* * *

After completing a mission, Kakashi-sensei called it a day. Sasuke decided to go home, and Sakura asked him if they, just the two of them, could, er, 'work on their teamwork' . . ._ wink, wink, nudge, nudge_. He stared at her a moment before saying that she was almost as bad as me (_almost! Ha! I got top spot!_). Then he left. I think Sakura got kind of depressed by that.

And then I noticed the rock. it was perfectly square, it had eye holes, and it was following me.

Kind of a big clue.

It was Konohamaru, Old Man Hokage's grandson. I think I'd kind of made a big impression on him, and that resulted in a bit of hero worship. Not that I was complaining. I adored him and his little gang.

Anyway, I'd promised to play ninja with them, and Sakura asked, still depressed after being brushed off by Sasuke, what a ninja was doing 'playing ninja'.

That was when Konohamaru made a big misstep, which ended in me and him having big bumps on our heads and running for our lives from a frothing pink-haired monster. I was hoping that I didn't have a concussion from that whack she gave me when Konohamaru ran into some guy dressed in black and wearing paint on his face.

The guy sneered down at the kid, hoisting him up by his collar. "That hurt, you snot-nosed brat!"

Madara's sneer was in a league of its own. "Suna sent this buffoon? What fool was made the Kazekage this time?"

Hashirama's expression was dark. "He is threatening a child. That is unacceptable."

"Knock it off, Kankuro. You're gonna get it as it is," said the blond lady next to the paint-wearer.

"It was my fault," Sakura tried. "I was fooling around . . ."

She earned my lifelong loyalty for that.

But now wasn't the time to give her that soft smile that was waiting upon my lips. I focused on the guy-_Kankuro, she said?_-who was holding onto my little buddy. "Let him go."

He smirked. "I just want to play with him a little . . . while we wait for a certain nuisance to get here."

"You're the nuisance." I gave him a nice smile. "Now let him go, and I won't maim you and leave your crippled, helpless body for the crows to find and feed on."

They all stared at me.

Shisui gave Madara an accusing look.

The old Uchiha smirked. "Yes, that was me."

Suddenly, Face-Paint Guy jerked, reflexively letting go of Konohamaru. A stone dropped to the ground. We looked up to see Sasuke sitting in a nearby tree, casually tossing rocks in the air with one hand. "That was a truly . . . imaginative threat, Naruto. As for you guys, tell me . . ." He turned his black eyes on the foreign shinobi. "What are you doing in our village?"

Kankuro held his hand which trembled slightly, probably because of the stone that had hit it. He gritted his teeth. "Oh, look. Another little brat."

Sasuke seemed to lose interest in them, dismissing him with a, "Get lost."

I think Sakura may have squealed at that. _Fangirls, really_ . . .

I felt someone tug on my sleeve, and I looked down to see Konohamaru.

"Would you really have . . . done what you said?" he asked.

I smiled at him, placing a hand on his spiky black head. "Oh, yes. And more," I promised.

He looked a little awed. "Wow." He thought about it, then added, "That other guy was still the one who actually saved me, though."

I fell into a depression worthy of the First Hokage.

"Kankuro! Don't tell me you're planning to use Crow!" exclaimed a female voice, causing me to turn my attention back to the unfamiliar shinobi.

I blinked when someone else spoke. "Kankuro. Don't." I looked up to see a red-haired boy maybe my age standing on the bottom of a tree limb, incidentally the same tree Sasuke was crouching on, though not the same limb. "You're a disgrace to our entire village."

_Wow. Harsh._

"G-Gaara . . ." Kankuro stammered, looking nervous for some reason.

"They seem almost afraid of that kid," Shisui observed.

"Not 'almost'," Itachi murmured.

"It irritates me that you'd lose control in a quarrel with children. Have you forgotten why we came here?" The red-haired boy spoke flatly.

"But, Gaara . . . they started it! The kid ran into me!"

_Wow, um . . . how old are you again, Face-Paint Guy?_

"Shut up. Or I'll kill you."

_Whoa! Okay, whoa! Bit much, that, isn't it?_

Kankuro looked terrified. "You're right," he hurried to say, "I was out of line."

"We're sorry, okay, Gaara?" the blond pig-tailed girl tried to soothe.

The red-head . . . Gaara . . . ignored them, looking at Sasuke. "I apologize for my . . . friends."

_Your friends? You mean the ones that shake in their boots when you even look at them?_

The boy disappeared in a whirl and appeared again on the ground, between Face-Paint and Pig-Tails. "I know we're early . . . but we didn't come here to play around."

I missed what Kankuro said _("I swear, it won't happen again,"_ _whispered through his mind, there and gone so fast he didn't even remember it being there_.) because I was too busy staring. Dude . . . was that red hair as soft as it looked? Because it looked seriously soft. Like . . . even softer than the duckling's behind Sasuke's hair resembled. His impassive pale green eyes were framed in thick black, reminding me of a panda. Above his left eye, high on his forehead, was the kanji for Love.

Maybe we all actually have inner fangirls. If so, I'd just found mine.

I suddenly realized that Sakura and the blond pig-tailed girl had been talking. Something about . . .

"The Chûnin selection exam?" I asked aloud.

Pig-Tails gave a long, detailed answer that I didn't really listen to, because I was staring at Red Panda-Boy again.

He noticed, meeting my eyes with his pale green ones. "Something you want to say?"

_Oh, could I?!_ "You," I told him, "are so cute. Like, seriously adorable. I want to hug you and cuddle you and never let you go." _Ahh . . . such a relief to let it all out. Hmm?_ _Sasuke? Why are you face-palming?_

Face-Paint and Pig-Tails were gaping.

Red blinked at me. "You . . . wish to hug and . . . cuddle me?" he finally asked. ". . . why?"

"Your adorableness is off the charts," I gushed. "You're so red and fuzzy! I can't help but want to wuv you! Can I?"

"You're asking . . . if you can . . . 'wuv' me?" he said slowly.

I nearly exploded. He was so cute! "Yes, please!"

Madara looked appalled. "This is not how I raised you, child!"

_Please, Madara. I do what I want!_

Why did I suddenly feel like a God of Mischief and Chaos? And have a craving for goat milk?

". . . you are very strange," Red finally said. He turned away. "Temari, Kankuro. Let's go."

At least he hadn't run for the hills. Maybe there was hope for me yet.

I waved cheerfully. "Bye!"

They left.

I sighed and turned back to my teammates. I suddenly noticed that they were staring at me. "What?"

Sakura especially was eyeing me oddly. "You know, I never really thought about it before, but, Naruto . . . are you- I mean, do you . . ."

I gave her a confused smile. "What?"

". . . like boys?"

I blinked. Then blinked again. ". . . what?"

She flushed red. "Will you just answer me?"

"Uhh . . ." Did I? Huh . . .

I thought about it. Then I shrugged. "I dunno."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" she demanded.

I held up my hands. "Exactly what I said. I dunno. I guess I'm just not at that age yet. For instance"-I pointed-"I think Sasuke's pretty good-looking, but"-I nodded at her-"I also think you're very pretty." I grinned toothily. "You're both cute to me."

Her eyes were wide, cheeks nearly as pink as her hair. Finally, she said, ". . . you're actually kind of cool, Naruto."

I'm sure I looked pleased, if slightly confused. "Wow, uh, thanks."

Hashirama was hanging onto Madara. "Our child, Madara," he moaned. "Our child is bi-curious. And he's going to grow up sometime. He's going to want girlfriends or boyfriends. What do we do? Can we lock him up somewhere and throw away the key? Can we?" he begged.

"Get off me," Madara snapped. "And he's not our child! I don't care who he dates. As to locking him up . . ." He sneered. "You can lock him up just as soon as you get the physicality for it. Now get off."

Hashirama slid off the old, wild-haired Uchiha, a black cloud of depression hanging over his slumped form.

"Get over it." Madara had no sympathy for him.

* * *

We were at a bridge, leaning against the railing. Sakura was standing on one side of me while Sasuke stood on the other, unperturbed by the little conversation earlier involving my sexual inclinations, unflappable and cool as always.

"Hey, guys," I heard Obito call, "we're back!"

"Morning, guys," came Kakashi-sensei's voice. "Today, I wandered a bit from the path of life . . ."

Rin sighed, shaking her head sadly. "Once again without a map."

Obito nodded sympathetically. "And he never stops for directions . . ."

"I'm going to start calling you the Lazy Gang," I told them.

Obito looked delighted. "Really? We get a name?"

Rin looked interested. "The Lazy Gang? How about the Tiresome Trio? The Tedious Triad?"

"The Irksome Threesome?" Obito added.

"The Trying Trinity?"

I groaned. "What have I done? I've created a pair of monsters."

"What's going on?" Sakura asked curiously.

"Obito and Rin are giving me suggestions on what to call them," I explained.

I could tell Kakashi-sensei was smirking, even behind his mask. "The Bothersome Band?"

I gave him a withering look. "Not you too."

He coughed a laugh. "Right . . . in any case . . . we have other business here. Now, This may surprise you-it certainly surprised me-but I've recommended you three for the Chûnin selection exam."

"Say what?" Sakura sputtered.

"Really?" I asked, interested.

"Hn." I'm sure you can guess who that was.

"You'll have to fill out these applications." He handed one to each of us.

I took mine, looking it over.

"You realize this is the perfect opportunity to prove yourself to the village, child." Madara looked down at me. "Not that you should care what they think." He heaved a sigh. "But despite that, you persist in doing so."

I gave him a quick smile. "No worries. I got this."

"You had better, with an Uchiha and a Senju to help train you."

I felt a thrill of delight. "You're gonna train me?"

Hashirama smiled cheerfully, reaching down to ruffle my hair. "Of course."

"We will give you pointers. You will no doubt be actually trained by someone else-someone _living-_but that does mean we cannot give you a tip occasionally."

_Awesome_! I turned to beam at my team. "Let's do this!"

* * *

The next morning, I ran to meet my teammates. "Hey, Sasuke, Sakura," I greeted them cheerfully.

Sakura smiled weakly. "Uh . . . hi."

I paused to frown at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she denied.

"Clearly something is. What is it?" I persisted.

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Riiight . . ." I dropped it for the moment, but let my disbelief show through.

Eh. I'd ask again later.

We got to the Ninja Academy just in time to hear some kid guarding the door say, "Besides that, Chûnin are cell commanders. They lead their units. The responsibilities for failed missions and dead shinobi rest firmly on their shoulders." He snorted. "And you little punks have the nerve to apply?"

He went on, but I was distracted. The door the two were guarding said 301, but there was something wrong about that.

Madara scoffed. "Think about it, child. Or is it too much for your feeble brain? Can you not count?"

I stared at him, then held up my hands, pointedly using my fingers to do so. Hashirama muffled a laugh.

The old Uchiha's mouth tipped up slightly. "Cheeky brat."

What could I say? Backtalk wasn't merely a hobby to me. It was practically a profession.

I brought my attention back to hear Sakura saying, "Of course I noticed it. Obviously, we're still on the second floor."

_Ooh_.

The sign on the door blurred before coming back into focus with the numbers 201.

"Hey . . . not bad. But just seeing through it isn't . . ." The spiky-haired kid threw a kick at Sasuke. ". . . enough!"

Sasuke quickly moved to block the kick with his own leg, but before they could meet(_Hi, Leg! I'm Leg!"_), the kid in the green jumpsuit with the bowl-cut and the weird eyelashes was there, grabbing their ankles and holding them in place. After a pause, he let them go, causing the spiky-haired kid to slump to the floor. Bowl-Cut then blew out a breath.

"Hey . . ." A long-haired boy with white eyes approached. "That's not what we agreed! You're the one who insisted we shouldn't draw attention to ourselves."

"B-but . . ." Bowl-Cut glanced at Sakura, his cheeks flushing.

_Aww, he's got a crush!_ Though, wasn't it kinda soon for that? They hadn't even spoken to each other. Of course, I could talk . . . _oh, Red Panda, you slay me _. . . _with your cuteness _. . .

"Pay attention," Madara commanded, giving me a hard tap on the head.

"Oww," I whined, rubbing the place he'd tapped. "Your love is tough."

It was then that the bowl-cut kid walked right up to Sakura. "Um . . . hi. My name is Rock Lee. You're Sakura, aren't you?"

Huh? How did he know that?"

"Sasuke spoke her name," Hashirama reminded me.

_Oh. Right._

Bowl-I mean, Rock Lee asked if Sakura would go out on a date with him, and then he gave a thumbs-up and a grin that _gleamed_.

"No way. You are _way_ out of hand." _Instant rejection_.

He slumped. I winced and patted him on the back. "It's okay, bowl-cut guy, I'm sure you'll find someone to love you for your eyelashes and your sparkles."

He seemed to perk up. "I sparkle?"

"Like a jumpsuit-wearing diamond," I assured him.

He straightened and gave me one of those shiny smiles that was almost too bright to look at.

"In the meantime," I said, "do you want to be in my harem?"

Hashirama and Sakura choked.

"Not this again," Madara muttered.

Bowl-Cut Guy's abundant brow furrowed. "What is a harem?"

"It's a group of people that I choose to befriend and protect because I like them," I explained. At least, that was what my harem would be to me. Though I would have fun_ not_ explaining that to other people . . .

"Ah. I see." He nodded. "In that case, I would be honored to join this prestigious group of yours!"

I grinned toothily. "Cool. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, by the way."

"Rock Lee."

And thus, my harem gained a new member, unknowing of the scandal that would no doubt incur.

I turned to my pink-haired teammate. "Hey, Sakura, I just realized I haven't asked you if you wanna join, too."

Her mouth dropped open.

I blinked at her with my big blue eyes.

She closed her mouth and appeared to actually be considering it. Finally, she shrugged. _Was that a glint of defiance in her eye?_ "Why not?" _Indeed it was_!

I was delighted. _Today, my teammates and random people I just like for some reason, tomorrow, the world!_

Madara let out a low chuckle. "That look on your face does not bode well for the world, child."

Wow! How did he know? But that was Uchiha Madara for you.

Hashirama winced. "Do you realize you both have identical grins on your faces?"

"You're catching, Maddy," I remarked.

"Don't call me that."

"Did you just compare Madara to a disease?" Hashirama asked, amused.

"That, or fungus."

* * *

After that, my new friend Lee confronted Sasuke, wanting a fight, and Sasuke was actually about to lost, before we met Lee's teacher, Maito Gai, who had the same haircut, the same green jumpsuit, and even bigger eyebrows than his student. He told us that he was Kakashi-sensei's arch-rival, probably because he wouldn't leave him alone. So then Lee left, and Sasuke . . . well, he didn't look too good. But then a second later he regained his usual smirk, which deepened and he said something about things getting interesting. Sakura and I agreed.

Anyway, we finally made it to Room 301. Kakashi-sensei was waiting for us there and he explained about how it was up to each of us whether or not to apply so that we wouldn't pressure each other into coming. Then he told us, "But you're all here because you want to be. And I'm very, very proud of you."

"Aww," Obito gushed.

My beam may or may not have rivaled the sun's.

Then he told us to get in there. So, after Obito and Rin wished us luck, we did.

We entered the room, and immediately felt the charged atmosphere. There were a lot of people there, far more than we'd been expecting.

Suddenly, a girl with long, pale blond hair in a ponytail jumped on Sasuke, wrapping her arms around his neck to hang off him. "Sasuke! Where've you been, cutie?"

Sasuke's expression was one of extreme aggravation. I may have giggled. That could be the reason he shot a glare at me. That, or I just annoyed him solely by simply existing.

The latter was looking more than likely when I gave him a toothy grin in return, ignoring the yelling going on between Sakura and her frenemy, Ino.

"Why don't you three save yourselves the embarrassment of flunking this test?" came a bored male voice. "Go die, okay?"

"Shikamaru!" I immediately focused all my attention on him. "Chouji! Good, you're here! I want to ask you something."

The Nara - who was far too skinny, in my opinion - eyed me warily. "What is it?"

"You wanna be in my harem?"

There was a pause.

Sasuke was staring at me. Had I not mentioned the small matter of my harem to him? Oops!

Chouji appeared unruffled by my question, chewing on the chips he'd brought. "You're asking me, too?"

"Yeah."

He munched thoughtfully. "Will there be food?"

I opened my mouth, then paused. "Uh . . . sure, so long as I an afford it."

He shrugged. "Okay."

I gave him a thumbs-up and a grin. "Cool! What about you, Shikamaru? Ino?"

"I already joined," Sakura said, a little smugly.

"You did what?" Ino gasped, then narrowed her eyes. "Fine. Count me in."

"Awesome!" I looked expectantly at the last one.

Shikamaru heaved a sigh. "Whatever."

"I'll just count that as a _yes_, shall I? Splendid!" I beamed at them.

"Hey! There you are!" said someone else.

I blinked. It was Team 8.

"Uh . . . hi . . ." The female of the group gave a small, shy smile.

"Looks like the gang's all here." Kiba sneered.

"Including you . . . unfortunately," muttered Shikamaru.

Shino said nothing. He was a male of few words.

"Hey, guys. Perfect timing. Do you wanna join my harem?"

That, clearly, had not been expected.

"W-what?" Kiba sputtered.

"My harem," I repeated, "you wanna join?"

"Why would I want to do that?" he yelped.

"What about you, then, Hinata?"

She flushed deep red. "M-me, N-Naruto-kun?"

"Yes, please!" I gushed. "You're so cute!"

I didn't know it was possible for her face to get any redder, but apparently it was. "I-I-"

I looked at her expectantly.

"I-I-I w-would . . . l-love to, N-Naruto-kun." Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth as if she hadn't realized she would say that until the words were out.

I beamed at her. "You're so adorable!"

She looked on the verge of hyperventilating.

"I as well?" Shino asked curiously.

"Mm-hmm."

He appeared to consider. "Very well."

I looked again at Kiba.

"No way!" He waved his hands furiously. "Never!"

But I was distracted. "Akamaru," I cooed. "Adorable as ever, I see. Let me love you, hmm?" I stepped forward to bury my hands in his fur. "Hello, beautiful boy."

Kiba had gone completely red, but stayed still so that I could pet the dog settled on his head.

"Would you guys do us all a favor and just shut up?"

I turned my head to see a young man with white hair and glasses standing there, hand placed on his hip. "You three gangs of would-be hotshots are all Genin, right? Kids barely out of the local academy? All wet-behind-the-ears and runny-nosed!"

_Ew_.

"This isn't a school field trip, you know."

"Who the heck do you think you are?" Ino growled.

He smirked. "Name's Kabuto. So what? You kids need to open your eyes."

"Oh? I had the impression we already had," I remarked. "Unless, of course, I am dreaming, and you are simply a particularly unpleasant apparition conjured by my sleeping mind."

He blinked.

"Looks like your words were too big for him to understand, child," Madara snarked. "You will have to dumb it down for this one."

Hashirama opened his mouth, then sighed and raised his hands. "I give up. I can't stop you from ganging up on people, why try?"

"Why indeed," Madara said unsympathetically.

The young man, Kabuto, appeared to recover, sneering at us. "Just look around."

We did so. I honestly had no idea whether I'd ever been on the receiving end of so many glares.

Well . . . not like I hadn't handled worse. Zabuza's death glare had been in a league of its own, far above these lowly squinters.

"Who's Zabuza?" Kiba asked, confused.

_Oops. Did I said that out loud?_

"Zabuza? Momochi Zabuza? The Demon of the Mist?" Kabuto gave me an intense look.

_Indeed I did._ "Yeah. We met him because our C-rank went to hell. We beat him up a little, he beat us up a lot, and then we all became friends, or at least, slightly approachable acquaintances."

Kabuto drew back, looking thoughtful. "Interesting . . ."

"Who are you talking about?" Kiba said, more loudly. Sakura explained, and I tuned them out.

"You're starting a harem?" Sasuke murmured, leaning close so that I could hear him.

"Well, technically, I've already started it. I've got so many members already," I marveled, for some reason a little wistfully.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. ". . . you got room for one more?"

I turned my head to look at him, startled. "Really?" I grinned, delighted.

He pulled back, a little embarrassed. "Don't look so excited, dobe. I just asked if you had space for more people."

"Of course I do. I always will." _Why did that sound like a promise?_

My attention was drawn back to Kabuto, who had taken out a deck of cards, shinobi skill cards, he called them. Sasuke, too focused on him, asking if he had dossiers for each invidivual applicant. He asked for Gaara (Red Panda!) and Lee (Kagayaki!). They looked at me oddly for my nicknames. I didn't care. I was very fond of those nicknames.

After a moment, Kabuto continued with his lecture and ended with saying that the test was pitiless.

"Well, it would be a bit unusual if it was sentient," I responded. Again with the weird looks.

Sasuke shook his head. "Dobe."

"Yes, my Prince of Ducks?" I replied.

He paused. "Prince of . . . what?"

"It's your hair. I just can't see it as any other shape than a duck's behind."

He stared at me.

". . . I'm perfectly sane."

For some reason, they seemed to doubt that.

_Well,_ I mentally huffed, _what do they know?_

_Nothing, absolutely nothing, _my mind answered.

_Exactly! See? At least someone's on my side! Even if it's myself. In fact, it would be kinda sad if I wasn't._

The voice in my head said, _You're kinda insane, aren't you?_

_Hey! Where's the vote of confidence?_

". . . are you talking to yourself again, child?" Madara asked deadpan.

"No," I said guiltily. "And even if I was, it's perfectly normal!"

"You realize this is doing you no favors in convincing others of your sanity."

I risked a glance.

Yep. They were staring at me.

. . . well, fudge nuts.

* * *

**A/N**

**Kagayaki - Sparkle**

**As you can see, the length of the chapters will vary. This one was ten pages. _Yippee-kai-yay! Hi-hooo silver!_**

**. . . right. *Cough.* Back to business.**

**As you have learned, this Naruto is quite different from canon Naruto. And I know when I was twelve, I definitely wasn't all like, "Yeah, I totally like guys that way, I'm sure of it!" In fact, I didn't really think about it all that much. The fact that I now wouldn't mind kissing either gender has nothing to do with it.**

**Besides, does this Naruto seem completely and utterly straight to you? I mean, if you're not sure of where you lean toward, I'm pretty sure that's a sign.**

**But enough about this. As I said before, Naruto won't actually get together with anyone until waaay later in the story. Like, when he's not a preteen.**

**So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, my lovelies. Also, don't be hesitant to feed the review zombie! (Omnomnomnomnom.)**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	6. My Soul

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. My gosh, what a surprise! What an astonishment! Catch me, I think I'm gonna swoon from the shock . . .**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**I am convinced that I have the best, most wonderful readers in the history of Fanfiction. Seriously, I love you guys. Gimme a hug, y'all! Or a review. You know, whichever is good. Oh, or both!**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_I summon to the winding ancient stair; /_

_Set all your mind upon the steep ascent, /_

_Upon the broken, crumbling battlement, /_

_Upon the breathless starlit air, /_

_Upon the star that marks the hidden pole; /_

_Fix every wandering thought upon /_

_That quarter where all thought is done : /_

_Who can distinguish darkness from the soul?_

\- _My Soul, _Unknown

* * *

After Kabuto got kinda beaten up by some Sound guys, the proctors came. The chief examiner of the first part of the exam, Morino Ibiki, didn't allow Sound to continue carrying on, but I don't think he really cared about Kabuto's pain, either.

Anyway, 'Biki was a big, scarred, scary guy. I liked him.

So, we all got seated down for the paper test. Our places were assigned. I got 53, next to my adorable little brunette Hyuuga harem girl. I beamed at her. "Good luck, Hinata-chan. You probably won't need it, since you're so brilliant, but I wish you luck all the same."

She blushed. "Th-thank you, N-Naruto-kun. Y-you, too. L-let's do our best."

I gave her a toothy grin. "Right on." I looked down at my sheet.

Beside me, Hashirama peered over my shoulder. "My, that's a hard one. These are for Genin?"

"They're not pulling their punches," Madara remarked with a sharp smile. I got the feeling he approved of their pitilessness. He would.

"Indeed not. Would you like me to help you, Naruto?"

"Please," I murmured.

It went on like that. I was glad I had my ghosts, as without them, I probably couldn't have answered a single one. I also noticed Itachi hovering at Sasuke's shoulder, no doubt wanting to help him, but unable to do so.

And then it was time for the tenth question.

'Biki said that he would be adding another rule. First, we would choose whether or not to accept that tenth question.

"Ch-choose?" sputtered the blond pig-tailed girl we'd run into earlier with Red Panda-chan. "What happens if someone doesn't accept the question?"

Obviously, they would fail. Along with the rest of their team. And also, apparently, if we answered and got it wrong, we would never be permitted to apply for the journeyman ninja exams ever again. _Eesh_.

At that, Kiba exploded. "You can't be serious! That's ridiculous! There are ninja here who've sat for the Chûnin exams more than once already! We know there are!"

'Biki gave a low chuckle. "Just your rotten luck. I wasn't making the rules in past years. I am now."

_Wow. So assertive, Ibby. Tell us more._

He did. He encouraged us to reject the question now and reapply next year, and the year after that. Then it began. _Those who would choose not to accept,_ he said, _should raise their hands._

After a hesitation, the guy next to me did so, then the guy behind me.

"Hm. I wonder if he's a plant," Madara mused. "After all, like sheep, lead one and the rest will follow."

Hashirama frowned at him. "They are not sheep, Madara."

"I see no difference."

"Does that mean I'm your little lambkin, Maddy?" I asked innocently.

"No," he said flatly.

"Aww, but you'll always be my big, strong ram, Maddy."

"I said don't call me that."

"I didn't listen."

Big Boss 'Biki noticed my preoccupation. "Something you'd like to say, Number 53?"

I blinked and frowned at him. "We'll, certainly not my rejection. Dude, if I can't take that question this year, what makes me think I could take it the next? And why shouldn't I take it now? Fear?" I laughed. "Good God, If I'm afraid of a simple question, then what on Earth am I even doing here?" I thought about it, then added, "By 'here' I mean this exam, not Earth. I'm not philosophical like that."

The chief examiner stared at me thoughtfully. Finally, he said, "I'll ask you one last time. This is a decision that will affect the rest of your life. Quit now while you still have the chance."

I smiled. "Still have the chance to quit? Great shinobi I'll make if I take it. I'm pretty sure I won't have it when I'm fighting an enemy ninja. I mean, if I'm like, 'Dude, this sucks, I quit' the next I know, I'll have quit, all right. Like, quit life." I nodded and sat back, satisfied. "So, yeah. Think I'll pass that chance by."

No one spoke up to quit after that.

Ibiki looked around, then sighed, grinned ruefully. "Good call. So, everyone who is still here . . . you've just passed the first test."

I would have cheered, except I was distracted by how adorable that grin made him. Suddenly, he seemed like a big, scarred bear, and I really wanted to hug him.

What can I say? I'm easy like that.

So, anyways, apparently there was no tenth question beyond the whole 'accept or reject' thing. The goal was to test our skills at spying. Which Madara had not bothered to inform me of, thank you very much!

The old Uchiha just smirked. "I thought it was obvious. And I like seeing you suffer."

"Wow. Madara's a sadist," I mused. "Who knew? Oh, wait. Everyone did."

Then my attention was brought back to Ibiki when he moved to remove (_ha_) his hitai-ate, which covered his whole head. When he did take it off, there were gasps.

His head was horrifically scarred with long slash marks, severe burns, actual holes where presumably screws were used.

It was an example of what could happen where being caught in an act of espionage could cost you more than your life.

I . . . was flooded by compassion. It filled me, made my breath hitch. I wanted nothing more than to take him somewhere safe and protect him, allow nothing to ever hurt him-_or anyone_!-so much again. I felt such a strong need to protect everyone and anyone -anyone at all- that I think I was shaking.

"Naruto?" Hashirama asked, concerned.

Madara eyed me. "It's nothing to worry about, Hashirama. Just his protective instincts coming into play. He is worse than a mother bear with her cub."

The entire world is my cub. So perhaps he was right, there.

"N-Naruto . . .?" Hinata asked tentatively.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. I just wanna squish him to me and guard him fiercely from harm." I knew if Kiba was near enough to hear me, he'd say, 'Same as usual, then?'

Hinata nodded in understanding.

_Ah, my friends are so used to me already._

I focused again when Blond Pig-Tails said, ". . . but what was the deal with the tenth question?"

Ibiki tightened the hitai-ate on his head again and smiled(aww!). "Ah! The tenth question was the real first test on the exam." He went on to explain it. I sat there and looked attentive and maybe a little adoring(_a little? Scoff!_). Finally, he ended with, "You've passed the first hurdle. Part One of the Chûnin selection exam is now concluded. I'll pray you fight the good fight!"

_Again with the smile!_ "You're such a good guy, Mr. Ibiki!" I gushed. "And so cute! Will you-"

Kiba was suddenly there, squishing my mouth with his hand. He laughed nervously. "Sorry, Mr. Ibiki, sir. Naruto's a little . . . weird in the head." He turned and hissed at me, "You will _not_ ask the chief examiner to be in your harem!"

"Bff Eh wnnuh," I slurred.

"No! There is no way-" He was suddenly cut off by the sound of breaking glass as something crashed through the window. There was a thunking sound as a pair of kunai were thrown, stabbing into the ceiling. A big, dark sheet was attached to them, holding it up. It read 'Newly Arrived Second Chief Examination Officer -'

The rest was obscured by the woman with spiky dark hair standing in front of it. "None of you are in any position to celebrate!" she called, throwing out a hand. "I am the second chief examination officer, Mitarashi Anko! Time's a-wastin', people, let's go!" She dramatically raised her fist into the air. "Follow me!"

There was a pause. You could practically hear the crickets chirping.

"You didn't tell me you have a sister, Naruto," Kiba muttered to me.

Suddenly she exclaimed, "Seventy eight of you are still here?" She turning to our first examination officer. "Ibiki! You passed twenty-eight teams? Obviously you went too easy on them!"

I liked her.

* * *

We made our way to training ground 44. Also known as the Forest of Death, which I would now be calling the Forest of Fun.

I spotted Gaara among the students and gave him a toothy grin and a wave. He and his team gave me an odd look, but I didn't mind. I was always getting those.

"It looks like a pretty creepy place," Sakura said with trepidation.

What? Oh, yeah. The training ground.

Anko-josei chuckled darkly. "You're about to find out firsthand . . . why they call this the 'Forest of Death'."

Madara looked amused. As did the ghost standing beside the examiner. He was tall and extremely pale, with long black hair and deeply green eyes. He had a hand settled on his hip and he was smirking. All in all, he reminded me of a snake. He noticed me watching and winked at me.

I grinned.

"Something funny, kid?" questioned Anko-josei.

"Yup," I answered happily.

"Well, well. Feeling pretty cocky, are you?" Abruptly, a kunai slid into her hand from somewhere, and she threw it. It skimmed my cheek as it passed by, drawing blood. Then, suddenly, she was behind me. "Your kind are always the first to go, you know . . ." She leaned close, licking the blood on my cheek. ". . . spilling all that rich, red, lovely, luscious blood . . ."

_Uhh . . . that's . . . that's not a drastic reaction at all, is it . . .?_

Then she jerked, and I heard a male voice behind me saying, "Your kunai knife . . . I believe you dropped it."

"Gee, thanks," Anko-josei responded.

I risked a peek back, and saw a guy using an insanely long tongue to hand her the kunai she'd thrown. She was holding another, though, against his tongue. "Don't just stand behind me, radiating bloodlust . . . unless you're in a hurry to die." She took the kunai from him.

The green-eyed ghost had moved to stand beside Tongue Guy. They were rather similar, I noticed, in the midst of slight hysteria. Both with long black hair and pale skin. Also the same height. The same body-type, too, from what I could see, long-limbed and slender. They even had the same smirk. Were they brothers or something?

Then the second exam was starting. But before that, we were handed consent forms, to 'get all the details covered before the first deaths occurred'. _Thank you, Madam Reassurance. It does my heart well to know that we're in such good hands!_

Anko-josei handed me the forms to take my own, then pass them over. Then she explained about the test, a 'no-holds-barred survival test'. She displayed a scroll showing the topography of the training ground.

Training ground #44 was bordered by a circular perimeter, interrupted at regular intervals by forty-four locked gates. There were forests and a river, and in the center was a tower about ten kilometers from those gates.

Within the confines of that carefully delineated area, we were going to undergo the survival test. Each team would be given a scroll, either with the kanji for 'Heaven' or 'Earth' on it. Our goal was to get the opposite of what we'd gotten while holding on to our own, then take them both to the tower at the center. We had five days to complete the exam.

From Anko-josei, we got one piece of advice . . .

_Stay alive._

Snake Guy-yūrei cackled. "If you can."

Jeesh. Even Snake Guy-yūrei was in on it.

We got our scroll and were led to our respective gate by a proctor. Once inside, I turned and gave my teammates a grin. "We ready, gang? Then let's go."

And thus, we set off, towards hope and the future.

In the distance, someone was screaming.

* * *

I got eaten by a snake.

Okay, first let me explain. I'd wandered off to the nonexistent bathroom (_it was bound to happen in a forest without any facilities_). I was then promptly knocked out. I was probably only unconscious for a few minutes, but when I woke, I found myself tied up with a bit of rope. You can bet Madara sneered and scolded me for that. A while later, Sasuke leaped over a nearby tree, chasing some guy, probably an enemy ninja and the person who tied me up. I called out to him (_Sasuke, not the enemy ninja_) and he threw a kunai, which cut the rope and came very close to cutting me, too. It didn't, though. That Sasuke, almost scarily accurate with his aim.

Long story short? After getting hit by a letter bomb, and after I returned the kunai knife he'd oh-so-generously freed me with, he got up close and personal with the enemy ninja (ninjamy?) and stabbed him with it.

My only thought was, _Ouch._

After that, there was a low conversation in which we decided to use a secret password. I suggested 'swordfish'.

Much to my disappointment, we (and by 'we' I mean 'they') decided on an insanely, frustratingly, outrageously long poem. Or maybe it just seemed insane, frustrating, and outrageous to me. I would never remember it, but I guess Sasuke knew that, so if a ninjamy was listening and tried to imitate me again, he would make the mistake of actually quoting the poem accurately. So that was smart.

Anyway, it wasn't long (_it was actually very soon_) that we were separated. I'd been knocked far away, into a tree. That was when the snake came in.

It was huge. Bigger than some of the trees in that forest.

Man, it was a good thing snakes eat things whole. Otherwise I would've been in real trouble.

Anyway, I escaped. I, er . . . kinda exploded it. I felt sorta bad about that, but I had to get back to my team, so I had no time to dig a grave and drag all the parts to it.

I know, I know what you're thinking . . . '_Ew_.' Yeah. It's okay, I felt the same. Just . . . _ugh_.

But that was no time to be squeamish. When I made my way back to my friends, I found them being attacked by that weird, long-haired guy with the insanely long tongue. Naruto to the rescue!

But then Sasuke snapped that the guy was way out of our league. What got me kinda angry was the ninjamy complimenting me on my 'stunning defeat of the giant snake'. _Gee, thanks, guy. I'm moved, really I am._

Yeah, right. That guy was the snake. Seriously, he really reminded me of one. He had this long, twisting body, all wrapped around a tree.

Where was I? Oh, yes. His compliments. I replied, "Why don't you go pick on someone your own size, Slinky." My wit was stunning in its stupidity- I mean, simplicity.

"Careful, child," Madara warned.

"You should be cautious with this one," Hashirama agreed.

Sasuke ignored me to take out the Heaven scroll we had. He held it up. "If it's our scroll you want, come and get it! Just . . . take it and go!"

"Sasuke? What the heck?" I questioned.

Slinky also ignored me, praising Sasuke on 'obviously being a natural-born prey' and 'instinctively knowing that his only hope lies in the chance of distracting the predator by some tastier bait'. _Um, creepy much, guy?_

Sasuke threw the scroll to him. Or . . . he tried. I jumped to catch it, landing on the tree limb he was standing on.

"Stay out of this!" he snapped. "You'll ruin everything!"

I turned to him and slapped a hand to his cheek. Kami, he was looking haggard. I stared hard into his dark eyes, the Sharingan nowhere in sight. "Sasuke! Focus. Look at me."

He blinked as if he hadn't registered what I'd said. Then, finally, his eyes focused on mine.

"You're afraid. You're not thinking straight. I'm not sure you ever quite think straight, but you're even worse at it now. So listen to me." My voice was low. "Even if you give him the scroll there is no guarantee that he will just take it and leave. None at all. And judging from the way he's letting me monologue, he's in no hurry. He's got time to kill. Literally." My eyes softened. "And besides, if you give him that scroll, how weak will you feel? How much will you loath yourself? You're so young, Sasuke. I know, you're strong for your age, and you're a genius, but you're still so young. I don't want you hating yourself just yet." I cracked a grin and poked him in the forehead.

He stood there, appearing shocked. I blinked at him, thinking back, and realized I'd pulled an Itachi with that poke. Oh, well.

There was the sound of mocking laughter. "Oh, Naruto, how ironic! And you're right."

_Uh, it's ironic that I was right?_

"Why bargain when I can simply kill you . . . and take the scroll?"

_Oh, what the cheese, man._

Wind started swirling around Slinky as he stated, "Art of the Familiar Spirit." And suddenly he was standing on the head of a giant snake, even bigger than the one I'd blown up (R.I.P.). Out of nowhere (but not really), its tail snapped out and hit me and the tree limb I'd been standing on.

That . . . hurt. Ouch. Plus, as I fell, I slammed into part of the tree. Double ouch.

Then Slinky decided not to take chances and commanded Misutā Biggers to eat me. I was like, _Again_? But also, I felt something (_maybe something powerful_) rising in me. I threw my fist, hitting the snake (_sorry, Biggers!_) with more force than I'd have expected, had I been paying attention. Then Slinky blew out a breath, and it was like Sasuke's Fire Style, except with air. I was blown back, hitting a tree (again). But I was still conscious, enough to fling myself in front of Sasuke when the snake went after him at Slinky's command. Surprisingly, I managed to hold it back, except I didn't have it in me to be surprised at the moment.

I was trembling a little with the strain of keeping Misutā Biggers at bay, and the strain of even standing. "Sasuke . . ." I was panting. "Sasuke, you've got to . . . you can't just stay still that . . . move, Sasuke . . . damnit, Ouji, wake up!"

He jolted.

_Thank God,_ I thought. Except it was a short-lived relief, because I was suddenly being pulled up and dangled in front of Slinky (by his tongue! Ewww!). He began making signs with his hands as he talked. "The brat of Nine-Tails is still alive and kicking . . ." He continued speaking about me as if I wasn't actually there, but I wasn't really thinking, because abruptly Slinky drove his hand into my stomach.

"Child! Naruto!" I heard Madara shout over Hashirama's yell. But then, of course, there was darkness. Presumably because I was unconscious.

_Well . . . pretzel sticks._

* * *

I woke up with a jolt. It was a very unpleasant jolt.

"At last," Madara complained.

Hashirama smiled down at me. "I'm glad to see you're up, Naruto."

Yeah? Distracted, I blinked up at Chouji and Shikamaru, who were looking down at me. "What's up, harem bros?" Wait . . . "Slinky!" I shot up, looking frantically for my teammates, only to spot them sitting a little away. Slinky was gone. Team 10 was there, though, along with . . . an unconscious Lee? He was being supported by Ino. I hesitantly walked over to my teammates. "Sakura? Sasuke?"

Sakura glanced up. "Oh, you're awake, Naruto."

I frowned. "What happened?" I was suddenly distracted. "Whoa, wait, your hair . . ."

"Oh, this?" She patted her newly shorn pink locks. "I wanted to update my image. A new look!" she said with a grin.

I knelt beside them, watching her with concern.

She waved her hand. "It's fine. Long hair is fun, but it's so high-maintenance."

Well. All right. I reached out, tugging a bit on the uneven strands. "It looks good. But you're cute anyway, so of course it does." I flashed a grin.

She laughed and pushed at my shoulder. Good. If she could do that, she would be fine.

I sobered again. "But what happened while I was out?"

Shikamaru and Chouji had wandered over, and the young Nara sighed. "Explanations are so tedious . . ."

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it, harem bro."

He gave me a look that clearly said, _Do not call me 'harem bro'_.

It was then that Lee's teammate, Tenten, showed up. She woke Lee up by grabbing onto him and shaking him until he blinked open his eyes. After talking a bit, he looked over at us. looked back at Tenten, said something that made her yell at him, and slumped to the ground.

Ah, Lee. I walked over and crouched next to him, giving him a smile. "Hey, Kagayaki." I reached out and ruffled his hair. "Thanks for helping us out."

He was pretty roughed up, but he beamed at me and gave me a thumbs-up. "Yosh, Naruto! It was no trouble at all!" His face suddenly fell. "It was Sasuke who defeated the otonin, though. They beat me senseless and I did not turn out to be much help."

"Not at all! Lee, who knows what might have happened if you hadn't been there? I would be in much worse shape than I am," Sakura told him in a slightly scolding tone before softening and smiling shyly. "Besides . . . I want to thank you. Because of your help, I've managed to make some kind of breakthrough. My skills have been taken to a whole new level."

Lee's eyes filled with tears of youth. "I am not worthy!"

I laughed and hugged him to me, tousling his hair even more. After a while, he calmed down. Sniffling, he looked up at my pink-haired teammate. "Sakura, the fighting lotus of Konoha village will grow and flower again! Before we meet again, I will have become a stronger man. I swear it!"

Sakura smiled down at him. "Yeah!"

"I'm glad you're in my harem, Lee," I said sincerely. He beamed at me while Tenten choked on her spit. Oops.

After that, Ino offered to cut Sakura's hair for her, to even up the ends. They had a muttered conversation in which Sakura appeared quite smug and Ino indignant. It was probably about Sasuke, then.

I wandered over to my black-haired teammate and frowned at him. "Are you okay?"

He glanced at me. "Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, I dunno," I drawled. "Let me think about it a bit, and when I have the answer, I'll get back to you."

He snorted.

"So, why don't you give me a real answer now, hmm?"

He turned away. "I told you. I'm fine."

"Wow. Did you just dismiss me, bro?" I stepped up beside him. "But, seriously, Ouji. Are you okay?"

He frowned at me. "Why do you call me that?"

"Ouji? It's short for Prince of Ducks, remember? My Ouji-Ahiru." I smiled. "I call Gaara 'Red Panda' and Lee 'Kagayaki'. I also named that creepy snake guy 'Slinky' and his snake 'Misutā Biggers.' Why shouldn't I call you something, too?"

He paused and gave me an odd look. "You named the snake?"

I grinned at him. "Why not?"

After a moment he snorted and shook his head. "Only you."

And just like that, everything was alright. Sorta. Okay, mostly alright. Yeah . . .

* * *

Later, we'd separated from Team Ten and . . . huh, come to think of it, what number was Lee's team? I dunno.

Anyway, we'd traveled a while and found a river where we could catch fish. I needed a bath, anyways, so I threw off my sweat suit and, clad only in a pair of boxers and an undershirt, jumped right in. Sadly, my fish-catching skills were sorely lacking, and Sasuke ended up catching most (*cough* _all_ *cough*) of the fish. Sakura'd set up sticks and kindling, so Sasuke used a fireball to set it alight.

It had been four days since the start of the exam. There wasn't much more time left. Less than 26 hours.

As we dug in, Sakura said, "I'm worried that there might not be any more Heaven scrolls left."

Oh, yeah. I'd been told that Slinky had burned our Heaven scroll, so now we only had an Earth.

Sasuke concluded that the next enemy we met could possibly be our last chance. After a moment of silence, he got up and began walking away. "I'm going to go get some water."

I opened my mouth to say that I would go with him, but then closed it again with a glance in Sakura's direction. Sasuke could handle himself fine, but Sakura . . . as she was now . . .

I grimaced and settled back. Then I realized that there was a river right near us. Had he just not wanted water that had fish in it? But where would he get water like that? What the cheeses?

It was a little while later that Kabuto (_white hair, glasses, weird feel about him_) showed up, looking 'all friendly and shit' as Obito would probably say. Then, a few minutes later, Sasuke came back. Without water, might I add.

Kabuto said that he'd gotten separated from his team and he wasn't after our scroll, as he already had a set.

So Sasuke said, "Fight me."

_Oh. Yeah._ Our time was almost up.

Still. I got a weird feeling about him. "Sasuke," I murmured warningly.

"There's no other way. Challenging him is the only way we'll be out of this forest in time to pass the test."

"That's a lie."

We stared at him. He smirked. Ah, yes. He had us.

He suggested that we move while we discussed it. We agreed, and so we were leaping quickly through the forest.

An ambush. Near the tower. Though there were probably some who'd already had the same thought.

And then we were in view of the tower. We started walking. After who knows how long, Madara finally seemed to tire of our slow progress. "Child, does that tower seem to be getting closer to you?"

I blinked at him and directed my gaze over, guessing, "No?"

My teammates and our maybe-ally looked at me.

"No. And do you think this is natural, child?"

". . . no?"

"No. So, what is this?"

I frowned thoughtfully. "Well, unless someone created some kind of space-time jutsu or something . . . probably a genjutsu?"

"Very good." This was said somewhat sarcastically.

"You did very well, Naruto. Ignore Madara, he's simply being grumpy," Hashirama advised me.

I grinned at him. "I always do, and he always is."

"Who are you speaking to, Naruto?" Kabuto questioned.

I turned my gaze on him. "My ghosts."

"Your . . . ghosts?"

"Yes. Madara and Hashirama." I didn't mention the nun that was following him around, a young woman with a pretty face, sorta sad but also kind.

His gaze sharpened. "Uchiha Madara and the First Hokage?"

"The very same. Though don't believe everything you hear," I added. "Madara is a grumpy old man and Hashirama likes to gamble, except he's terrible at it, and when they're together, which is almost always, they bicker like an old married couple. It's great fun to watch."

"I . . . see . . ."

Sasuke made a noise in his throat. "He's insane. Just go with it."

"Wow. Thanks for that. Don't take this the wrong way, Ouji, but I hope you drown in that duck pond you inevitably dwell in."

My ghosts snickered. Well, Hashirama snickered. Madara's lip twitched, which was snickering for other people.

Sakura noticed Kabuto's confused expression and stated, "Don't ask."

He didn't. Instead, he said, "The genjutu?"

I blinked. "Oh. Right. That."

"Yes. That," Madara mocked.

"Madara's a mean, mean old man," I muttered, letting out an 'eep' when he glared at me. I shuffled closer to Sasuke. You know, just in case. It wasn't like I was deeply terrified or anything. It just paid to be prepared. _Right? Right. I'm glad you agree with all the lies I just spouted._

* * *

**A/N**

**Josei - Lady**

**Misutā - Mister**

**Ouji - Prince**

**Ahiru - Duck**

**Kagayaki - Sparkles**

**So, I've been asked about Yashamaru and Karura. Yeah, don't worry, they'll show up. No worries. Even Madara and Hashirama aren't around Naruto all the time.**

**Anyway, my lovely doves, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. You know I love you.**

**"Urrrgh . . . braaiii . . . wait, no . . . reviieews . . ."**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	7. I'll Fight

**Disclaimer: In case you haven't read the last several disclaimers, here's another one, announcing that I do not, in fact, own Naruto.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Wow. I got so many awesome reviews on that last chapter, I am honestly amazed. I've got to let out my glee somehow, so I'm going to say something really weird now.**

**I llove you guys like a llama.**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_I wanna see you run  
Anywhere you want  
Never let the darkness hold you back  
No fear of getting lost_

_ I wanna see you fly  
Way beyond the sun  
Anything you're ever gonna dream  
I pray that it will come_

_ But if you ever fall down straight to the bottom  
And you can't get back where you started  
Any place any time  
You gotta know, for you I'll fight_

_\- I'll Fight, _Daughtry

* * *

So, we beat those ambushers and got a Heaven scroll (yay) for our troubles and finally got to the tower. After that, Kabuto reunited with his teammates again and wished us luck.

The smile I gave him at that moment was returned. I commented, "You know, you're really adorable when you smile like that."

He blinked, startled (_and a little weirded-out_).

Madara rolled his eyes. "Not another one . . ."

Hashirama shook his head. "You're becoming quite the charmer, Naruto."

I shrugged. "I tells 'em like I sees 'em, Mads." Ignoring the sudden spike of killer intent, my team and I went on and entered the tower.

In there, on the wall, was a poem by the Third Hokage.

* * *

_If qualities of Heaven are your desire,_

_Acquire wisdom and knowledge to take your mind higher._

_If Earthly qualities are what you lack,_

_Train your body in the fields and prepare to attack._

_When both Heaven and Earth are opened together,_

_The path of peril will revert to the righteous path forever._

_This " " is the secret way..._

_...that guides us on from this place today._

* * *

I admired it for a moment, as it was really quite nice. "Little obvious, though," I commented. "I mean, 'When both Heaven and Earth are opened together'? Hint, hint."

Madara grunted. "Just get on with it, child."

"Fine, fine."

We opened the scrolls, which then began to smoke. Quickly, we tossed them away.

Then, glory, Hallelujah, from out of the smoke appeared . . . Iruka-sensei!

"Are you God?" I asked, awed.

Everyone gave me an odd look except for Madara, who was an expressionless dastard. Even Hashirama did, when he should have been used to me by now.

So, yeah. We'd passed the second exam.

"This calls for a celebration," Iruka-sensei said, smiling. "I wish I could take you out for ramen at Ichiraku . . ."

I leaped at him, wrapping my limbs around him. "That's okay! We passed, Iruka-sensei!" I smushed my face into his vest, holding him tight.

Madara scoffed, muttering, "Try for a little dignity, won't you, child?"

_Dignity? What's that? Is it tasty?_

_You're tasty,_ my mind retorted.

_Your face is tasty!_

_What the heck? What, are you a cannibal now?_

"Stop conversing with yourself and focus, child," Madara reminded me.

Right, right.

Iruka-sensei was saying hesitantly, ". . . about the third exam . . . don't overdo things. Especially you, Naruto. I worry about you."

I detached from him to look up and smile. "You don't need to, Iruka-sensei. I'll be fine. I'm not weak, and I've got Hashirama and Madara, and Sakura and Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei. They make me all the stronger just by existing. Besides, I'm a shinobi now. You knew I'd have to leave the nest sooner or later, maybe spraining my wings along the way but never breaking them. Whoever said chickens couldn't fly? Shut your mouth, Madara, that was rhetorical." I nodded, satisfied.

"Chickens?" Iruka-sensei asked, bemused.

"Yeah. I figured, if Sasuke's a duck, then I'm a chicken."

The scarred man shook his head, chuckling, and reached out to ruffle my hair. "Alright. Come on, then, chicken."

I grinned. "'Kay." I linked my arm with Sakura's, then my other with Sasuke's when he pushed himself to his feet. I felt him lean against me more heavily than he probably meant to, but I didn't show it. I flashed another grin. "Let's go, team!"

* * *

We were led to a large room in which the Third Hokage, along with the proctors and our sensei were waiting. And by 'we' I mean all of the surviving Genin.

So, the Hokage began to talk. And oh, Kami, did he talk. Like, so much. I tried to listen, honestly I did. But I only became aware that I'd zoned off when I snapped back to attention and realized I couldn't remember a thing the old man'd said.

Eh. I'd ask one of my friends later.

Anyway, some guy named Gekko Malfoy-wait, Malfoy*? What the heck? His name was Gekko Hayate. I didn't even know anyone named Malfoy. And what kinda name was that, anyway?

I puzzled over that for a minute before dismissing it and focusing on the proctor. Cheese, he looked like he really needed some sleep. He was coughing a lot, too. Looked like he was about to keel over. Uh, was that guy really okay?

Dunno. But yeah, so, he was talking about the preliminaries. Apparently there were still too many applicants (there were 21 of us).

Kabuto quit. I was honestly disappointed.

He turned to us and apologized, "I'm sorry, but those guys really did a number on me. And ever since that fight with the Sound nin prior to the first exam, I've been totally deaf in my left ear. Now they're saying this could be a fight to the death . . . and I just don't think I'm up to that."

I gave a small, quiet sigh. It wasn't a sign of my disappointment or anything. It was just a sigh. So I gave him a reassuring smile and lifted a hand. "It's fine. I do hope you get to pass all the exams sometime. That is, if you really want to. If you don't, you shouldn't force yourself to come to these exams." I looked at him in concern.

He seemed taken aback. "Uh, no, I'm . . . fine."

"Well. That's good." I gave him a slight, cheerful smile. "You know, if you wanted, you could join m-"

Kiba, who was standing right beside me, sprung into action. He wrapped one arm around me while slapping a hand over my face, yelling, "_Intervention_!"

Everyone turned to stare at us.

It was worth it to see Madara actually facepalm. Ha, ha! Beside him, Hashirama was laughing, and at the Old Man's side, Tobirama just rolled his eyes. Cheese, he was such a stoic guy.

Kiba coughed nervously and slowly pulled away with a sheepish grin. "Heh . . . sorry about that. Uh . . . carry on."

Shooting us a weird look, after talking to his teammate, Kabuto left. Still shooting us those odd looks.

Jeeze, we weren't that strange, were we? _Don't answer that. It's rhetorical._

Sasuke had been watching Kabuto go when he suddenly jerked, curling into himself slightly and placing a hand at his neck.

_What the heck?_

"Sasuke?" I asked, concerned.

He grimaced. "It's nothing, dobe."

_Nothing?_ "Nothing, your fluffy yellow winged relative," I retorted, lowering my voice. "Prince, you're shaking. Don't tell me it's nothing."

"He's right, Sasuke," Sakura cried, distressed. "Maybe you should quit, too. Ever since that Orochimaru attacked you, you haven't been yourself! That mark on your skin is hurting again, isn't it? And it just keeps getting worse!" _Orochimaru? Is she talking about Slinky? And . . ._

"Mark? Ouji, what mark?" I demanded.

They ignored me. "Please . . . please withdraw . . ." Sakura whimpered. "I . . . I'm afraid . . ." She wiped at her tear-filled eyes and glared at him. "You're in no shape to fight, Sasuke!"

"Shut up," he hissed.

I looked back and forth between them, feeling a little helpless.

"Sasuke, I know that you've been barely able to contain the pain all this time," she continued.

He growled, "I said . . ."

"You leave me no choice. If you won't listen to reason, I'm going to tell the teachers about the mark! Then . . ." She began to raise her arm. Sasuke's shot out to grab it.

A little ticked off, I closed my own hands around theirs instead. "Guys! Hold on!" I half-whispered-half-snapped. "First, calm down, both of you!"

They stilled. I waited, and when I knew they were focused on me, I continued, "Sakura, just hang on a minute. You're upsetting yourself - with good reason, I know! - but just breathe." I switched my gaze to my black-haired teammate. "Sasuke, remember what I told you? You are not alone. You've got teammates, friends. Dude, when you're in pain, you need to tell us. We're like . . . rocks for each other. That's what being teammates means. We gotta hold each other up. There doesn't need to be so much pride between us. There doesn't need to be so much distance." I gently let go of their wrists to place my hand on his neck and smile. "There's no need, Ouji."

He stared at me for a long moment. Then he slowly let out a breath and briefly closed his eyes before opening them again to look at me. "I have a mark on my neck where the guy we were fighting earlier, the one with the snake, bit me. It . . . hurts."

Wow. To hesitate like that must mean that that is a massive understatement.

"Okay. It's okay." I wrapped my arms around him, and after a moment of hesitance, Sakura joined in.

Before this, before I became a Genin, before I had a team, I did not know I could love any comrades so much as I loved them. Now I did.

Even Madara didn't say anything about 'soft, sappy emotions'. Which was actually kinda funny, and I always got a kick out of it, since he could love with the best of them. In fact, he was one of the 'best of them'. Best of who, you ask? Well, I dunno. And I didn't much care, since I was currently snuggling a cherry blossom and a duck prince.

Then the preliminaries started, and it wasn't so cuddly. First up: Uchiha Sasuke and Akado Yoroi, Kabuto's teammate.

"Don't make me have to save you, Ouji," I whispered to him as Sakura and I let go and he turned to leave.

He smirked. "You're one to talk, dobe."

"You know, you really need a new nickname for me. That one's getting old."

He left, grumbling, but I think he was considering it.

Everyone other than the two combatants had to move to the upper gallery. Before we went, Kakashi-sensei came over and murmured something to Sasuke which then made him look at him sharply and place a hand over his neck.

Something about the mark, then. The Dark Mark, I'm gonna call it.

. . . the fight began.

* * *

Well, the fight didn't go too well at first. Sasuke got pretty beaten up. Then I called out encouragement to him, which caused 'im to glance up, and I think he got an idea from spotting Sparkles - er, I mean Lee, beside me. He used the move Sparkles'd used against him before and the rest was history. Well, no. Actually he had a bit of trouble, but it still worked out okay. The mark on his neck had started to spread sometime in, but in the end he suppressed it and won.

I cheered for him, and then Kakashi-sensei took him away, probably to get his injuries checked out but also to do something about the newly named Dark Mark, the Kuraidesu Māku.

Next was Zaku Abumi and Aburame Shino.

"Kick his jerky behind, harem bro," I called.

He proceeded to do so.

It was pretty harsh. Zaku got one of his arms blown up and the other blown off. Outwardly, Shino looked unruffled, so I wasn't sure what he was really feeling, but wow.

"That is one to be cautious of," Madara murmured.

Hashirama looked pained. "I had hoped that we would be able to grow into a more peaceful time, so that there would not be so much severity. But I suppose . . . it is not yet such a time . . ."

"Ouch, Maddy, is that the bite of guilt in your heart?" I commented.

He seemed to be gritting his teeth. "Shut it, brat."

"Sorry, there ain't no lock that'll fit this door."

"Oh, believe me, child, I will make one," he threatened.

I 'eep'd.

Sparkles was looking at me with a mix of curiosity and confusion.

"I see ghosts," I explained in a whisper, "and one of them wants to deadlock my mouth and throw away the key." Then my lips twitched. "Heh. Deadlock. Get it?"

"Ah, I see! Very clever!" he said with a burst of enthusiasm before curiosity overcame him once more. "You say you see ghosts? . . ."

* * *

Kakashi-senesi stopped by and told us that Sasuke was sleeping in the infirmary, and before I knew it, the next match (Tsurugi Misumi vs Kankuro) was over (Kankuro won). Turned out Face-Paint was a puppet-master. Pretty cool.

Then it was the fourth match. Haruno Sakura vs Yamanaka Ino.

In the arena, Sakura took her hitai-ate from her head and taunted Ino about Sasuke to rile her up. They stared at each other for a long while, then Ino pulled her hitai-ate from her waist and they both tied them around their foreheads.

Then they fought.

They were both formidable, but then Ino trapped Sakura with strands of the blond hair she'd cut and used her Ninja Art, Shintenshin, to possess my pink-haired teammate. I could actually see her spirit, but I suppose it makes sense. I don't think she could see the ghosts. I pondered that. Was there anyone else who could? I shook off my wonderings. Thoughts for another time.

With a smirk, Ino raised Sakura's hand. "I, Haruno Sakura, wish to withdraw . . . from the match."

I leaned over the railing on the upper floor to call, "Don't do it! Come on, Sakura, I could always see the ghost of your inner self! Where has she gone, huh?"

Sakura jolted and clutched at her head.

"What's wrong? Are you withdrawing from the match?" asked the proctor.

Sakura snapped back into place. "Are you kidding? I'm staying in!" _Oh, yeah!_ Inner Sakura quickly grew in size to hold Ino in her hands, growling down at her, "Ino, if you don't hurry up and get outta my body, you're gonna regret it!"

Ino hurriedly did so. They were both kneeling on the ground, panting. Then they stood up . . . and punched each other out.

Both hitai-ate flew from their heads, clattering on the ground.

. . . simultaneous knockout. Neither combatant was to move past the preliminary round.

Kakashi and Asuma-sensei retrieved the two fallen girls, carrying them to the upper gallery and setting them down so that they leaned against the wall.

I knelted next to them and gently placed a hand on each of my harem girls' heads. "Good job," I murmured.

Asuma-sensei noted that neither was badly hurt enough to need treatment from the medical corps, and that they should both regain consciousness within the next half-hour.

"But . . . I'm impressed by both of them."

"Yeah," Kakashi-sensei agreed.

"Naruto and Sasuke were both doing well," Asuma-sensei continued, "and now even fragile little Sakura . . . has shown amazing growth."

_Um, Asuma-sensei, she's not so little and fragile. Trust me on this._

Kakashi-sensei looked down at us. "I know you've all been through a lot, but . . . I'm glad I enrolled you all in the Chūnin exam. I mean that from the bottom of my heart."

"Aww, did you hear that?" cooed Obito. "From the bottom of his heart! Catch me, Rin, I'm going to swoon . . ."

She whacked him over the head.

"Owww! Riiin!" he whined, clutching his abused appendage.

"Feel better? Still gonna swoon?" she asked sweetly.

"Not unless it's from a concussion . . ."

"Good."

_Bam! Betrayed!_

He gasped, stumbling back, hand now over his heart. "But, Rin! I thought you loved me!"

"About as much as a mistress can love her slave, I suppose," she said cheerfully.

_Wow._

Kakashi-sensei noticed the direction of my gaze. "What is it, Naruto?"

"Obito's in a fetal position on the ground."

His eyebrows rose. "Ah."

"'Ah'? 'Ah'? Is that all you gotta say, Bakakashi?" Obito shook his fist at his silver-haired friend from the floor.

"Now he's shaking his fist at you."

"Hmm."

"Betrayed on all sides," moaned the one-eyed Uchiha.

Rin sat on him.

He slumped. "Demoted to a chair so late in life . . ." He snickered. "Get it? Late in life?"

Rin rolled over him and let gravity do its work.

"Urrgh . . ."

I ignored the gurgling coming from the floor and focused on the next battle.

It was the worst possible match. A weapons' mistress against a wind user.

Temari had no trouble at all against Tenten.

* * *

Next was Nara Shikamary vs Kin Tsuchi. Shika won, of course.

"That's my boy," I cheered. My boy ignored me to trudge back to his teammates, but that was okay. I knew he had to forcibly withhold himself from running into my embrace with joy. Yeah. That was it. That was totally it . . .

I heard Madara exhale. "At last."

My eyes snapped up to the screen showing the combatants for the seventh round.

_Uzumaki Naruto against Inuzuka Kiba._

A grin spread across my face. I pumped my fist in the air. "Oh, yeah! Watch out for this, Kiba!"

"Ha! You better be the one watching out," he retorted. Akamaru barked his agreement.

". . . your comeback could've been better," I said bluntly.

He scowled, flushing slightly. "Shut up! Let's just get on with it!"

"You got it, bro."

In the arena, Kiba was muttering to the dog poking out of his jacket, "This fight is as good as won, Akamaru."

"Oh? Feeling confident, are we?" I drawled.

"You bet I am!"

"Well . . . since you're so sure you're going to win . . . why don't we make a little bet?" I flashed a grin.

He immediately looked wary. ". . . what kind of bet?"

"Let's call it incentive. If you win, you may pick your prize. If I win . . ." My smile turned sly. ". . . you'll join my harem."

"I'll - what! No!" he sputtered.

"Eh? You scared?" I taunted.

He drew himself up, scoffing. "Of course not!"

"Then why not take it?"

He considered it. "And if - when," he corrected, "I win?"

I shrugged. "Whatever you want."

He thought about it for a moment, then held out his hand. "Fine. It's a deal."

"A deal." I shook his hand.

Akamaru whined.

"Don't worry, Akamaru," Kiba assured his dog, "we've got this in the bag."

I barely restrained myself from grinning madly.

* * *

Kiba put up a good fight but it turned out that he did not, in fact, have it in the bag.

I clapped him on the shoulder, allowing a nutty smile to spread across my face. "Welcome to the club, harem bro."

He didn't reply, as he was currently unconscious. Oh, well. I'd tell him when he woke up.

I climbed the stairs to the upper gallery and began to walk past Hinata.

". . . N-Naruto . . ."

I stopped to blink at her and give her a wide smile. "Yeah, Hinata-chan?"

She flushed but went on to shakily hold up a small, round container. I gave it a puzzled look. "Wazzis?"

"An ointment . . . for wounds," Kurenai-sensei spoke up.

"For me?" My smile softened and I gently took it from her. "Thank you, Hinata. You're sweet."

She blushed furiously. "It's n-no p-problem, Naruto."

She said my name without stammering! I beamed, hugging her. She gasped and her form went limp. I pulled back. "Hinata? Hina - Kurenai-sensei, I think Hinata's passed out! Was it something I did?" I asked worriedly.

"You could say that," she replied dryly. "Just set her against the wall. She'll wake up soon."

"Uh . . . okay."

Madara muttered something which made Hashirama guffaw and slap him on the back.

Some people were so weird.

* * *

Hinata was magnificent in her match against Neji. She had her own kind of splendor. Neji . . . talked a lot. Seriously, so much monologue. Honestly, even if he hadn't been absolutely dreadful to Hinata, I would've deducted points just for that.

Anyway . . . Hinata lost. But only the match. To me, she was no less brilliant. In fact, she was even more so, and I was so proud to have her in my harem.

Neji . . . angered me. With his talk of 'once a failure, always a failure' and 'accepting who you are'. _With those words, where is the acceptance I should see in you, Hyuuga?_ I asked silently.

But no. There was more to him than that. There always is.

Hinata was taken to the emergency room by the medics. As I started to walk up the stairs back to the upper gallery, the puppet-master with Red Panda-kun hailed me. "Hey," he called, walking up to me. "You're a funny guy . . . I like that."

Was he talking about when I challenged Neji? I stared at him blankly. "I wasn't trying to be humorous." Seeing him grit his teeth, I asked bluntly, "What do you want?"

"Well . . . you see . . . it's about that Hyuuga Neji guy . . . but . . ." he hedged.

"Ah. He's gathering intelligence," Madara concluded.

Hmm. My observations? ". . . Neji is confident on the outside about 'fate' and whatnot . . . but at heart, he is furious and defiant and lashing out." I sighed. "I suppose I'll have to either talk or beat it out of him." I brightened. "Or both!"

". . . that's not what I asked."

"You didn't really ask anything," I pointed out.

"It's time for the next match." The proctor coughed into his fist.

The only ones left were Chouji, adorable, fluffy Red Panda-kun, my sparkly Lee, and a Sound nin.

The screen lit up. Chouji roared, "I'm safe!"

Gaara vs Rock Lee. Red Panda and Kagayaki!

Kagayaki jumped down into the arena in which Red Panda had already appeared in a swirl of sand and faced him with a smile. "Facing you so soon," he announced, "makes me very happy."

"Hmph," Red responded.

"Go, Kagayaki!" I cheered. "And Red Panda, too!"

Still beside me, Face-Paint choked. "Red Panda?"

"Yeah. I don't give everyone nicknames, but sometimes they just happen. Gaara reminds me of a red panda and Lee reminds me of sparkles." I beamed. "Perfectly logical!"

"Uh, no, not perfectly logical."

"Worlds can twist beneath illogical logic. And I've decided to combine the words Face-Paint so that I can call you . . . Faint." I marveled at the sheer genius.

The ninth-round battle began.

* * *

Lee did amazing. He fought marvelously. I'm not sure I could have lasted as long as he did. And when he dropped those weights that had been around his ankles . . . _whoo_. He became a blur.

But, in the end . . . Gaara . . . he was . . . frightening.

"There is something wrong with that child," Madara had observed.

Beside him, Hashirama had been frowning, a little worriedly. "Indeed. I feel terrible bloodlust from him."

He crushed Lee's arm and leg. Luckily, Gai-sensei stopped him before Gaara could do anything more. Still, though. even after that, Lee stood up. But I don't think he was even awake. Gai-sensei cried and hugged him.

Then the medics came. One of them took Gai-sensei aside and told him that the damage to Kagayaki's body was too extensive and that he would never recover enough to be a shinobi again.

Gaara's bloodlust was out of control. But while they'd been fighting, I'd noticed two ghosts that I hadn't seen before hovering around Red Panda. They'd both had brown hair and looked a lot alike; siblings, probably. They'd both looked feminine, but when one had shouted, his voice had sounded kind of male. So, brother and sister, perhaps.

And I'd known they loved him. Red Panda, I mean. Just goes to show, I guess . . .

Everyone has a story.

* * *

Tenth and final round. Akimichi Chouji against Dosu Kinuta. Dosu won.

Those of us who won and qualified for the finals of the third phase of the Chunin exam were congratulated. Thus the Third Hokage began to explain the finals, with occasional comments from the Second and First, along with Madara.

Basically, the finals were to be held one month from now. The 'requisite preparation period' they called it. In other words, we would use that one month to get stronger, learn some new tricks, get some rest.

Before that, though, we had to line up so that we could each take a turn reaching into a small box Lady Anko was holding to grab at one of the slips of paper inside with numbers on them.

We learned it was to determine the match order for the tournament-style finals.

I got 1, so I was fighting Neji. I considered believing in destiny and decided to believe in ramen instead.

Gaara was 3, so he was against Sasuke. Kankuro was 5, so he fought Shino. Shikamau was to fight Temari and/or Dosu, the Sound nin.

And thus, we were dismissed.

* * *

**A/N**

**Ouji - Prince**

**Kuraidesu - Dark**

**Māku - Mark**

**Kagayaki - Sparkle**

**Malfoy* - I'm serious, this really happened to me. I didn't even realize it until I remembered that Gekko's name is Hayate. And I don't even know why. Oh, well. I blame Draco.**

**As to the Dark Mark, or the Kuraidesu Māku . . . did anyone else have this thought? Eh? Eh?**

**Also, yaay! Yashamaru and Karura finally show up! Don't worry about their brief appearance, there'll be more with them.**

**Callian 31: Whaat? Orochimaru was posing as a girl? But in the manga, I could have sworn Snakey's disguise was referred to in the masculine . . .**

**So, RisingDaemon posed a good question. Why isn't Minato there? And what about Kushina? (I know you didn't add Kushina, Rising, but I thought I would include her, since, you know, she's Naruto's mother . . .) In fact, I'm surprised more people haven't commented on their absence. But I have got a good reason for that (and no, in case you've thought of this, it's not because Minato is kind of currently in the belly of the Death God.). You'll find out in the next chapter. The reason this one may have seemed rushed is because I hurried through it, because I really, really wanted to write the mystery part I'm talking about. It's when Naruto is falling down that gorge (which was kinda a douche thing to do, Toad Sage) and he finds himself in that sewer in which the Kyuubi resides. I am so, so excited about it, and I hope it'll answer a lot of questions that you may have!**

**Anyway, hope you liked this chapter.**

**Also, sudden surprise joke!**

**What do you get when you cross a bike with an icicle?**

**. . . a bicicle! Gwahahahaa!**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	8. Sea Drift, Leaves of Grass

**Disclaimer: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Ready? Wait for it . . . I don't own Naruto. Goddamn, that's catchy!**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Woohoo! I've now got more than 50 reviews! Guys (and gurls), can I just say, I absolutely adore you people. Your comments make me get on the computer sooner and type faster. I am so inspired by you all! You genius, beautiful, brilliant people! You're all fantastic!**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_My own songs awakened from that hour,  
And with them the key, the word up from the waves,  
And the word of the sweetest song and all songs,  
That strong and delicious word which,  
creeping to my feet,  
(Or like some old crone walking the cradle,  
swathed in sweet garments bending aside)  
The sea whispered to me._

_\- Sea Dift, Leaves of Grass, _Walt Whitman

* * *

I wanted to ask Kakashi-sensei for help with my training, so I asked Sakura where he was and she answered that he was probably with Sasuke. I went to the hospital and asked for directions to Sasuke's room, but it turned out visiting hours were over. Luckily, Kakashi-sensei was still there. However, it turned out he'd already found someone to oversee my training.

I stared at the man who was Konohamaru's teacher. "You? Closet perv?"

"Closet perv?" questioned Kakashi-sensei.

"Yeah! You chose him to be my trainer? I mean, he fell for my ninja harem technique," I said disbelievingly. "He-"

Closet Perv clamped his arm around my mouth.

"Ninja harem . . .?" Kakashi-sensei blinked owlishly.

"Uh . . . um . . ." Closerve laughed nervously. "It's nothing, sir! Ha, ha . . ." He lowered his voice to hiss to me, "I'll treat you to whatever you want later, so don't say anything more about it, okay?"

"This is bribery," I said, voice muffled by his arm. ". . . but okay."

". . . I didn't know you two knew each other . . ." Kakashi-sensi observed.

"Heh, heh . . . well, maybe opposites attract, or . . ." He chuckled nervously, patting my head. I gave it a five on the Pat-O-Meter. Nice, but slightly condescending, and not as good as Kakashi-sensei's.

* * *

We went to the hot springs to train me.

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Closerve Ebisu said, "We're going to walk on water."

My eyebrows rose before I thought about it. "Is it like tree walking?"

He seemed pleased by my conclusion. "Indeed. This takes it to the next level. It'll be much harder than the tree-climbing exorcise." He explained it, then opted to show me. "First, you gather chakra to the soles of your feet. Then, while you continuously emit a set amount, you fine-tune it to your body weight . . ." He stepped onto the water of the hot springs.

A grin broke across my face. "Wow! That's so cool!" He preened a little. "Alright, I'll try . . ." I did as he said, chakra to my soles, a set amount, and, extending my leg to step onto the water, I lowered my foot and . . . fell into the spring. "Aaaagh! That's hot!" I yelped, scrambling out.

"Oh, I forgot to mention it, but the water here is 60 degrees centigrade," he added.

_Gee. Thank you for that information. It's not like I could've used to sooner._

_Right. Focus, Naruto. I can do this . . ._

I fell in again. However, standing in the water, it wasn't long before I began to slosh to the top. I concentrated, and almost had it . . . before I noticed some white-haired guy hunched over, giggling and staring into a peephole in the wall separating this hot spring from the women's bath. I only had time to point and sputter something before I fell in again.

I came up again just in time to see Closerve-sensei try to attack the guy, before getting knocked out by some kind of huge toad that suddenly appeared under the dude.

I stared, mouth open. Who the cheese was this blatant perv?

I hopped out of the hot spring to nudge Closerve-sensei, but he was out cold. I straightened to eye the white-haired weirdo. "Hey, what's with that frog? And who the fudge are you?"

"Wait just a minute there! Good question!" he cried, doing some kind of strange pose. "I am the most holy hermit sage of the Mount Myoboku toads, otherwise known as the Toad Sage! Pleased to meet ya!"

"Toad Sage . . . ?" I'm pretty sure I was gaping.

The large toad vanished in a puff of smoke. In a slightly dazed state, I did notice a ghost standing beside him. It was the same one I'd seen with Lady Anko. I'd noticed that he'd disappeared when they were giving out the tournament paper slips.

"Not again," he was muttering, covering his face with his hand. Did the toad guy do this often?

I shook myself out of it, placing one hand on my hip and pointing at my downed teacher. "Well, Toad Sage, what are you going to do about him, huh? He was supposed to oversee my training, but you knocked him out," I accused.

"He interfered with my research!"

My eyebrows flew up. "Research? Is that what they're calling it nowadays?"

Snake Guy cackled while Hikigaeru-Sennin defended, "I'm a writer! I write novels! Like this one!" He pulled out a copy of Icha Icha Paradise from his robe.

My eyes widened as I recognized the book that Kakashi-sensei was always giggling over. "Oh!"

"You've heard of it?" Hikigaeru-Sennin asked eagerly.

"Yeah, I've heard of it! It's obscene!" I jabbed my finger at him. "And that so-called 'research' was just you peeping on the women's bath, you blatant perv! This is criminal behavior!"

"F-fool! I am no ordinary letch!" he sputtered. "The peeping provides me with inspiration to produce better work!"

I snorted. "Oh, yes! 'Inspiration'! But never mind that. What are you going to do about my training, eh?"

"Training? You mean the walking-on-water drill you were doing just now?"

"Exactly! As my previous instructor is now unconscious by your doing, it is your duty to take over my training." I nodded, satisfied.

"Absolutely not! I can't stand rude jerks! And I hate men!"

"I'm not a man," I pointed out, "I'm a boy."

"That doesn't matter! You're male!"

Eesh. Well, fine, if it was my being male that was the problem . . . _Ninja Centerfold!_

He gave me a thumbs-up. "Oh, yeah!"

"Idiot . . ." Snake-Eyes muttered.

"What's this technique called? Eh? Well?" He ogled me.

"Er . . . Ninja Centerfold . . ."

"Whoa! What imagination!" He gaped down at my chest. "You're a genius."

"You're both idiots," Snake-Eyes snapped.

Madara sighed, rolling his eyes. "Tell me about it."

_Cheese, Hashirama . . . where's the love, I ask you?_ Oh, wait. He was currently trying to stop his nosebleed. Should ghosts even have those?

". . . then . . . you'll oversee my training?" I focused on Hikigaeru-Sennin again.

"Yup! But there's one condition . . ."

I eyed him warily. "And that is . . . ?"

He turned away and hunched slightly, poking his fingers together. "Y . . . you have to stay like that . . . the entire time you're around me . . ." He glanced at me.

I canceled the jutsu. "Say that again . . . ?" I advanced on him.

(_Naruto looked exactly like a mini, irate Minato, Jiraiya observed uncomfortably, shrinking back_.)

Hikigaeru-Sennin waved his hands around. "Okay, okay!" he said hurriedly. "I was just joking! I'll supervise your training! Try that drill again, okay, kiddo?"

Fine. He got off easy. This time.

After I fell in the water again, my sweat suit was hanging off me, pulling me down, so I took it off. Hikigaeru-Sennin had me manipulate my chakra one more time, and, after a moment of observation, he told me to lift my arms up . . . then he jabbed me in the stomach.

"Urff!" I crumpled, hunching over and gasping, "Why?"

"I stimulated some relaxation points for you," Hikigaeru-Sennin explained. "Just go over there and try walking on walking one more time, okay?"

I did so . . . and to my surprise and delight, I actually walked on the water, as was the purpose of the exorcise, but . . . I did it!

"Good job, Naruto!" Hashirama called happily.

"Hmph. Not bad, child." Madara grunted. But I'm sure he was very proud.

Then Hikigaeru-Sennin called me over. He said he'd teach me a super special move, then told me that I had two different types of chakra.

Yeah. I recalled that I'd felt it. It'd been different from the one I usually used. For example, if my usual chakra was feathers, than this one was fur.

"Good, good. All right it's getting late. Let's leave the fun for tomorrow. I'll take this guy to the place where I'm staying," Hikigaeru-Sennin said, crouching down beside Closerve Ebisu-sensei. "Come here again tomorrow, okay?"

Tomorrow? Well, you could be sure I would be getting up bright and early now.

* * *

**Interlude: Gekko Hayate**

* * *

In the night of Konoha, a dark-haired, sickly shinobi died by the wind of Sand, and the long-haired ghost that followed him everywhere threw back her head and wailed.

* * *

**Normal**

* * *

_How did this happen?_ I wondered as I fell to my death.

Oh, right. It's that darn Hikigaeru-Sennin's fault.

To recap, the guy had me exhaust my regular chakra so that I could invoke the fur chakra more easily. Then he summoned the giant toad I'd seen yesterday. It had a scroll in its mouth, which it lay on the ground. As directed, I signed my name in blood on the scroll and made fingerprint impressions below it.

Finally, I was ready to summon a toad. I made the signs for boar, dog, monkey, rooster and sheep, and summoned . . . a tadpole.

Yay, me.

Fifteen days later, Hikigaeru-Sennin was reaming me out for only summoning tadpoles.

Finally, though, to my triumph, I managed to summon one . . . with back legs.

I pumped my fist. "Ha! Yes!"

Hikigaeru-Sennin and the ghosts weren't so impressed.

Ugh . . .

Then, three weeks since the start of training, while Hikigaeru-Sennin was peeking through the bushes at some girls in swimsuits at a lake and giggling, I got to summoning little frogs with tails that looked like half-grown tadpoles. That done, I collapsed, unconscious.

I woke up when Hikigaeru-Sennin flopped me onto the grassy ground. "Whuh . . ." I mumbled.

"Get up," Hikigaeru-Sennin said, looking unusually serious.

I staggered to my feet, more awake now. "What . . . ?"

"Your training ends today. If you value your life, you've got to figure things out for yourself. Okay?"

I gave a puzzled frown as Toad Sage lifted his hand to tap my forehead. That tap turned into a jab, and it pushed me off balance, causing me to fall backward.

_Off a freakin' cliff_.

"_AAAAAAAAHHHH_!"

* * *

So, that was why I was now plummeting to my death.

I tried to grab onto a rock using chakra, but my hand slipped right off. The walls of the gorge were too smooth to get a proper hold of.

And so, I still fell. And fell. And fell . . .

* * *

I gasped, my eyes flying open. I blinked.

I was in some kind of sewer . . . ? There were a great many pathways. But one in particular sent a chill down my spine. In there, something roared.

I felt it. It was _that_ chakra. The one with fur.

So, me being me, I followed the feel of it into the pathway. It lead to a _huge_ set of bars, a gate.

There was something gigantic behind it.

"**You . .** **.**" It's voice was deep and rumbly. "**Who are you?**"

My eyes were wide with curiosity. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. Who're you?"

He (the creature was male, judging from his voice) ignored my question. "**No, you are not.**"

"What?"

His lips pulled back in a sneer, sharp teeth gleaming in the darkness. "**You are not Uzumaki Naruto. I ask again, who are you?**"

I frowned, protesting, "But I am."

"**No. He is.**" A long claw pointed behind me.

I turned and blinked. "You're . . . me?"

My double laughed. "Nah! You're me!"

"Uh . . . there's a difference?"

"Yeah! It's my body you're possessing, after all!"

". . . say what?"

"My body," he said patiently. "You're possessing it. You're not me. You're someone else."

I peered closer and realized that though we looked alike, we were not completely similar. His face was less soft, not so . . . feminine-looking. I pulled back, bewildered. "But . . . if I'm not me, or . . . or you, or whatever . . . then who am I?"

"Well, there's one thing we can be sure of," He - Naruto - said cheerfully.

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure you're a girl."

I blinked. Then I thought about it. "Is that why I've always looked so feminine?"

"Probably," he confirmed.

The creature whom may or may not be the Kyuubi snorted scornfully. "**You look just like that blond brat of a Yondaime.**"

"The Yondaime?" I questioned.

"**The Fourth Hokage. He was the one to seal me inside that other blond brat.**"

"Oh."

Naruto coughed. "You've probably got questions, 'cause I sure do, but, uh . . . aren't you kinda falling to your death right now?"

"Oh, right." I stared at him blankly, then remembered that yes, yes I was. "Crap!"

He grinned, looking amused.

I ignored him, turning to the Kyuubi. "Yo, will you lend me some of your chakra? I currently have very little, and, well, impending death and all . . ." I looked up at him hopefully.

The Kyuubi gave a rumbling laugh. "**You're a cheeky one. It looks like I've got another blond brat to contend with . . . very well. Take this.**"

My eyes snapped open to see that I was, once again, in the middle of a gorge, dropping to my death.

Filled with the feeling of furry chakra, I bit my thumb, drawing blood, and made the signs for summoning.

Below me, a ginormous toad even bigger than the one I'd seen with Toad Sage appeared in a burst of smoke. Delighted, I fell back to lay on its head. I slid down its face to its nose, laughing.

"Hey, urchin! Why're you making so much noise, idiot?! I'm trying to enjoy my first breath of fresh air in a long time, here . . . eh?!"

_Whoa! Talking toad!_ I thought, amazed.

"Hey! You, scamp! Where's Jiraiya?" he asked gruffly.

"What? Who?"

"That lecherous lout, summoning me to a place like this . . . and putting a weird brat on top of my head, too!"

_'Lecherous lout'? He must mean Hikigaeru-Sennin._

"Actually, I summoned you," I said tentatively, laughing a little shyly. "I, um . . . I needed someone to rescue me."

". . . you?"

"Mm-hmm." I nodded.

He began to laugh. "You oughtn't lie, scamp! There's no way a little midget like you could have summoned the likes of me!" He continued to guffaw.

Wow. That was one rude toad.

I frowned. "Now, listen here, Toad-sama. I know this summoning must have been rather abrupt, but there's no need to be like that. I do respect you, but I would be appreciative if you would give me a little more courtesy than that."

He stopped, going silent for a while. ". . . hmph. You're an interesting scamp. Perhaps I shall make you my henchman."

I perked up, flashing a bright grin. "Ooh, I've never been a henchman before!" I ignored the new information that had come to light that meant I might be a hench_woman_ instead. Now was not the time.

The big toad chuckled, then he slid out his tongue and wrapped me in it, jumping out of the gorge with one enormous hop.

My last thought before I blacked out was that being carried by a tongue was uncomfortably reminiscent of an earlier incident involving a snakey Grass-nin.

* * *

I woke up, slowly opening my eyes. "Mm . . ."

"Naruto!" Hashirama's face broke out in a relieved grin.

"You're finally awake, child." Madara frowned at me. "Good. Now you can kill that perverted idiot for me."

_Whaaa?!_

"Hey. You finally woke up."

I turned my head to blink at the boy sitting at my bedside. "Shika . . ."

"You're at the hospital. You've been unconscious for three days."

"Three days?" I said, startled. "Man . . ." But, still . . . I started to grin. "Well, I'm glad that you're here, harem bro. I knew you cared, despite all those times you sighed at me!"

He looked close to sighing again. "I just came here to visit Chouji. When I heard you were laid out too, I poked my head in."

"And sat loyally at my bedside," I cooed. "You're so sweet, Shika! C'mere, lemme give you a hug!"

Madara looked faintly disgusted. Hashirama was laughing. Shikamaru just gave me a deadpan look, but I'd gotten distracted. "Wait, Chouji got hurt that bad?"

"Nah." Shika's lips quirked up in a slight smirk. "After his match, Chouji ate too much barbecue and got a severe case of indigestion."

I smiled fondly. "Of course he did."

"Oh, right . . ." Shikamaru reached down. "It's a huge pain, but I got this fruit basket for Chouji, but he's not allowed to have it. Doctors' orders. So we can eat it ourselves."

"Aww. You're so nice, Shika. How about that hug now, eh?"

"I'd rather not."

"Wow." I gasped, placing a hand over my heart. "Rejected so coolly!" I sniffed. "Surely you are the very epitome of youth!"

He looked at me oddly, and I wondered belatedly if he'd met Gai-sensei yet. Oops.

"Whatever." He sighed.

I got distracted again. "Hey . . . is Kagayaki here?"

* * *

And that was why we were currently facing off against Gaara, who was paralyzed by Shikamaru's Shadow Possession Technique after we found him standing at Lee's bedside, probably not there to give him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

_Why do these things keep happening?_

"What were you doing?" I asked bluntly.

Madara scoffed. "Foolish question, child."

"I don't know, he might have been doing . . . something . . . else . . ." Hashirama said lamely. Madara gave him a look that said, '_Really_?'

"I wanted to kill him," Gaara finally responded.

Oh. I guess that answered my question.

"Why?" I demanded.

He seemed to think about it. ". . . I just . . . want to kill him."

"Darnit, Gaara," muttered the brown-haired ghost woman. "I love you, but what have I said about your psychopathic tendencies?"

"Not to have them?" suggested her brother.

"Not that he has a choice," she grumbled. "Gosh darnit, sometimes I just really want to punch his father."

"Honey, everyone wants to punch him sooner or later."

"More sooner than later."

"Naruto . . ."

I snapped back to attention. "What? Sergeant Donut?"

Everyone stared at me.

"What?" I defended.

Shikamaru sighed. "He's got monster-like strength. I think it would be prudent to pay attention."

"But I've got a real monster inside of me," I pointed out, casually giving away the S-class secret without a thought.

"Child . . ." Madara's voice was muffled because he'd covered his face with his hand.

"Huh? What?" I asked, clueless.

". . . a monster, eh . . ." Gaara mused. "Actually . . . I've got one of those too. Just like you said, I wasn't 'raised right' . . ."

What? Who? When? Huh? What'd I miss?

"You bet your cute little butt you weren't raised right," said the woman ghost with annoyance. "I swear, I could just kick my husband right in the nuggets."

Her brother winced. "Ah, yeah . . . right . . ."

"What? Don't tell me you wouldn't point and laugh when I did it, Yashamaru."

"Well . . . maybe a little," he conceded.

"In the process of my birth," Gaara was saying, "I stole the life of the woman I was supposed to call 'mother' . . ."

The woman's eyes softened. "Aw, no, baby. I willingly gave it to you."

"In order to create the world's strongest shinobi, my father used ninjutsu to implant an incarnation of sand within my body . . . I was born a monster!"

"You are not a monster," she snapped. "You're my baby! My baby, got that?"

"He cannot hear you, Nee-san," Yashamaru pointed out.

"Hmph."

"Known as 'Shukaku', it was the spirit of a former Sunagakure elder . . ." Gaara continued, ". . . that had been sealed inside a teakettle."

The woman made a choking sound. "Is that what they told you? Really? And why a teakettle? Imagine if someone had used it by accident!"

Her brother looked slightly green. "Ugh, Karura . . ."

"Don't say it hadn't crossed your mind, too."

Shikamaru had said something, and now Gaara spoke. "Love? Don't judge me by your standards. 'Family' . . . let me tell you what that word means to me." His expression didn't change. "Mere hulls of flesh . . . connected by hatred and murderous intent."

The woman - Karura - groaned. "Craaap . . ."

"My mother's life was sacrificed," he went on, "so that I could be brought to life as the village's greatest masterpiece . . . and as the Kazekage's son."

His mother made a strangling motion which I presumed was supposed to be the Kazekage's asphyxiation. Shooting her an odd look, I inched away and focused once more on Red Panda. He was talking about what he'd thought was love (_i.e. being taught secret shinobi skills, raised in isolation, spoiled, overprotected_) until 'the incident'.

"For the past six years . . . ever since I turned six . . ." Gaara's face twisted in a parody of a smile. ". . . my father has been trying to assassinate me. I've lost count of how many attempts he's made . . ."

Karura sighed. "Your father is a fool, honey. A gosh-darn fool, and he doesn't deserve to have such an adorable son."

". . . who tries - and mostly succeeds - to kill people, but totally your father's fault," Yashamaru added.

She nodded, satisfied.

'A presence that is too powerful becomes a presence that is feared,' Gaara had said. 'Mind unstable . . . fearsome and dangerous object . . . too great a liability . . . prior to that, handled with care like any other hazardous instrument . . . a relic of the past that they wish to erase and forget . . .' and on and on.

I felt like whistling. _Now, he has issues._

_And you don't? _said Inner Madara

_Back again, are you, InMadara?_

_. . . child . . ._

_What? Something wrong with my nickname?_

_Nicknames, plural._

I huffed. _Well, I like them._

_Of course you do._

_Hey! What's that mean?_

"So . . . for what purpose do I exist? Why am I alive? At first, when I asked myself that I had no answer."

_What the heck? _My eyes widened.

Inner Madara went silent. I was paying attention now.

"But while I continue to live, I need a _reason_. Otherwise . . . I might as well be dead."

Karura let out a cry. "_My baby_ . . ." Yashamaru wrapped his arms around his anguished sister.

But Madara and Hashirama . . . I risked a glance at them.

Oh, fudgenuts. They weren't angry . . . no, they were absolutely furious.

"He dared do this to his own son," Madara spat. "Family is meant to be protected! No matter what!"

For once, there was no kindness in Hashirama's face. "Madara, I swear, I will find a way to make our bodies corporeal . . ."

". . . and then we will hunt him down and make him wish we were as merciful as the dark god Jashin," Madara finished darkly.

(_Elsewhere, a certain silver-haired immortal priest sneezed._)

"Onii-san?" Izuna appeared, perhaps drawn by his elder brother's wrath. He was immediately pulled into a tight embrace.

Hashirama thought about his own brother (_at Hiruzen's side, Tobirama twitched in irritation_) and decided, what the hey. He sidled closer to join in.

"What the fudge," Izuna said flatly.

Gaara was speaking. "So this is what I came up with . . . 'I exist to kill all humans other than myself.' Living in constant fear, knowing I might be assassinated at any moment, I finally found inner peace."

Izuna gaped. "What the fudge!"

"By killing those who sought to kill me," Red Panda continued, "I was able to discern a reason for living and justify my own existence." He lifted his head to gaze at us with those pale green eyes of his. "I would fight only for myself and love only myself. If all people exist to magnify that love, then there is no more splendid world than this one. They allow me to experience the joy of living . . . for as long as there are people out there for me to kill . . ." His lips curved. ". . . then I will not cease to exist."

Karura and Yashamaru were both crying.

"Who is this child?" Izuna whispered. "_What_ is he?"

Madara murmured to him, but I wasn't listening. I was staring at Gaara. Perhaps my lips trembled, I'm not sure. My vision blurred slightly.

Gods, he was so . . . so alone.

I held back what might have been a gasp, or a sob.

I wanted to help him, save him. Was I being arrogant? Conceited? Was this heavy feeling in my chest not only compassion, but also a sort of vain pity? Was I being patronizing?

. . . I really, really wanted to hug him. _I'll keep you company_. The words were in my throat; on my tongue, _I'll love you__. I'll love you like a bro - er, sister._

But I didn't speak them.

Gaara said, "Now . . . help me feel alive!"

"Enough!"

We all looked towards the voice. It was Gai-sensei. "The finals start tomorrow. Don't be in such a hurry . . ." He looked down at Gaara. ". . . unless you're eager to become an inpatient today?"

Gaara winced, hand flying up to his head. "Unh . . ." He slowly began to walk unsteadily towards the door. There, he paused for a moment to look back at us. "I will kill you all . . . just you wait." He left. His ghosts followed.

I decided that I would no longer call Gaara 'Red Panda'. From then on, he would be something that I thought suited him far more.

_Oh, gods, no, _muttered Inner Madara.

I ignored him. "Lovely," I mused. I grin broke across my face.

_You disgust me._

Yes. It was perfect.

* * *

**A/N**

**Hikigaeru - Toad**

**Sennin - Sage**

**Kagayaki - Sparkle**

**Yessss! Oh, yes! Hya-ha! I am dancing a jig right now in my head.**

**Also, there have been questions asking why there aren't ghosts of Minato or Kushina. My theory is that, you know how before he died, Minato put some of his and Kushina's chakra inside of Naruto? My theory is that along with their chakra was also a part of their souls (which would be Minato-yūrei and Kushina-yūrei) and since they were put there for a purpose instead of the soul just splitting by itself, which is caused by trauma by the way (which is why there are ghosts of people who are still alive), the ghosts are simply slumbering inside of him/her until the time when they are called forth.**

**This actually did start out as just _What if Naruto could see ghosts_? But you know what happens with _what ifs_. There are always more of them. One day, I was suddenly struck with the thought, _What if Naruto wasn't actually Naruto_? And this happened.**

**You might be wondering why Not!Naruto didn't protest or deny it more. Well, it's because of that feeling you get . . . you know that nagging feeling you get sometimes, that you've forgotten or missed something? And then you suddenly remember or see it, and you think, _Of course!_ That feeling, like a crucial puzzle piece clicking into place. That abrupt clarity that makes you think, _Why didn't I see it before? _When suddenly, everything makes so much sense. ****That's why.**

**But anyway, sudden plot twist! Like it? Think it's interesting? Or want to scream inarticulate war cries while killing it with fire and extra Alfredo sauce? Feel free to tell me!**

**But wait! Joke time!**

**What's round, stuck-up, and full of air?**

**Is it a bird? Is it a plane? A politician? _No, it's_ . . .**

**. . . a balloon! Gwahahaha . . .**

***Crickets chirping.***

**. . . ha, ha?**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	9. When You Believe

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I don't own Naruto, but maybe I'm delusional.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Personally, I quite like this chapter, and I hope you do, too. :)**

* * *

_Many nights we prayed with no proof  
Anyone could hear  
In our hearts, a hopeful song  
We barely understood_

_Now we are not afraid  
Although we learned there's much to fear  
We were moving mountains long  
before we knew we could_

_There can be miracles when you believe  
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill  
Who knows what miracles you can achieve  
When you believe, somehow you will  
You will when you believe_

_This time in fear when prayers so often rose in vain  
Hope seemed like the summer birds  
Too swiftly flown away  
Yet now I'm standing here  
My heart so full I can't explain  
It's seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say_

_How can you find that kind of faith  
And see your way clear through the rain  
A small but still resiliant voice says hope is very near  
_

_\- When You Believe, _Celtic Woman

* * *

In my bed, I opened my eyes to stare up at the ceiling.

Today was the day I fought Neji, but that wasn't really what I was thinking about. I mean, that was part of it, but I was mostly focused on the fact that I had no idea who I was.

I hadn't allowed myself to think about it much, what with waking up in the hospital, and that thing with Gaara. But now_..._

_Okay, so far, I know a few things._

_One: I'm not Naruto._

_Two: I'd possessed the actual Naruto's body._

_Three: I'm most likely female._

_And . . . that's about it. Well, at least now I know the reason for always feeling slightly displaced in this body. Turns out I was literally displaced! Ha, ha!_

_*Cough.* Right...anyway__...__I should probably tell my teammates about this. Oh, and Old Man Hokage. But wait, which old man? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!_

_...__perhaps I should stop making bad puns in my mind. Saying them aloud is fine, though! Gahahaha!_

"Child, get up and go to the Academy already."

"Fine, fine. You're so impatient, Maddy." I threw my blanket back, slipping out of bed.

"Don't call me that."

* * *

In a fit of nostalgia, I made my way to the training ground where Kakashi-sensei conducted the bell test. I was surprised to find Hinata there. "Hey, Hinata-chan! You're all better?"

She started and turned around quickly, shrinking back behind one of the logs. "O-oh, N-N-Naruto-kun! Wh-what are you doing here? Aren't the finals today?" she asked tentatively.

I shrugged. "Yeah. I just felt like coming here for some reason." I flashed a grin. "You know, this is where I became a Genin."

"O-oh, r-really_..._?"

"Yep. Say, your cousin is pretty strong, isn't he?" I said thoughtfully.

"Y-yeah_..._" She bit her lip. "B-but_..._of all people_..._I really think you have a chance to win against him, Naruto."

She didn't stutter on my name! Well, on the name that I'd thought was mine. I beamed at her. "Wow, thanks! You know, you're so cute, Hinata. Can I hug you?"

She went completely red. "W-wh-wh-what?"

"Please?" I gave her my best puppy-dog eyes.

"I-I-I-"

"Stop teasing her, brat. She looks as if she is about to pass out," Madara said indifferently.

_Teasing her? Bro, I am completely serious about this! I needs mah cuddles 'n huggles!_

Hinata gulped. "I-I-I g-guess you c-c-can_..._"

_Yes! Score!_

I happily scurried over. Some would say that I pounced on her like a wild lion on a gazelle, but I'd like to call it_..._a show of enthusiastic affection.

The gazelle 'eeped' as I squeezed her. _So cute!_

We stood there, and after a long moment of hesitation, she tentatively returned the hug. I nearly exploded from delight.

I heard Hashirama venture, "Maybe we were wrong about, er_..._"

"No," Madara said flatly. "We weren't."

_What can I say? I know how to love, I do it well, often, and in great amounts._

"Y-you know, Naruto_..._" Hinata began hesitantly, "I_..._when you cheered me on_..._I felt like somehow I became stronger than before_..._and when the preliminaries were over, I started to like myself a bit more. From the outside, I might not seem any different, but_..._" Her unsure voice grew slightly stronger. "_..._I_..._I feel like I've changed. And_..._N-Naruto_..._it's all because of you_..._" Her voice grew softer again. "A-at least_..._that's what I think_..._"

I felt strangely struck and vulnerable. "Wow...really? But...I mean...I don't really...I don't even really know myself..." I wasn't even really Naruto. I was someone else, someone I didn't know. Someone nobody knew. I was just...someone else.

Now I wondered, _W__ho am I? I don't really know myself now, when I'm not even who I thought I was...do I...?_

"I-I think you do. You've always seemed so self-assured, N-Naruto. Y-you're not afraid to show people that you like them. And you always seem to do whatever enters your mind first."

I pulled back, giving her a small grin. "Yeah, that nearly always ends up with me saying, 'It seemed like a good idea at the time'."

"It's inspiring," she said firmly. "Whenever you fall down, you always get back up, you always keep on fighting. That's what I think is true strength."

I looked at her with admiration. "Well, then, you're quite strong yourself, Hinata."

She blushed. "N..." She thought better of whatever she was going to say. "Th-thank you, Naruto."

I smiled warmly. "I do like you, you know, Hinata."

Her mouth fell open.

"Just go, before she begins to hypervintilate," Madara muttered.

"I'll see you at the match, right?"

"Y-Y-Y-Yes," she stammered, still seeming in shock.

"Great!" I beamed at her and turned to go, whistling a jaunty tune. Suddenly, the morning seemed so much brighter.

* * *

We were standing in the arena for the finals, which was situated outside. I glanced around, looking for Sasuke, but I didn't see him. Beside me, Shikamaru also seemed to be looking for that Sound nin he was supposed to fight.

"Hey! Stop fidgeting," muttered the proctor to us. "Stand still and face forward, toward the guests . . . for all of you are the stars of these finals!"

Madara snorted.

I glanced up at our proctor. He wore his hitai-ate over his brown hair, like Ibiki-san had his, except the leaf was at the back of his head instead of the front, and a senbon was sticking out of his mouth. I wondered if it was okay to chew on that.

Anyway, I guess what he'd said had been meant to motivate us. Still, he could have chosen his words better. Being told that we're 'stars' reminded me of pop singers.

_You're a rock star, Naruto!_

_Uh, yeah...no._

Finally, the Kazekage arrived, and was seated in a chair next to the Hokage. I noticed Karura shaking her fist at him. At least Yashamaru talked her out of making any more - ahem - obscene gestures.

We were waiting for the Hokage to announce the start, and after a little bit of waiting, he stood up, clearing his throat. "_Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests . . . welcome and heartfelt thanks for gathering here in Konohagakure...for the Chunin selection examination! We will now begin the matches of the final round . . . between the eight candidates who advanced in the preliminaries. Please sit back...and enjoy!_"

_Whew. That old man sure has got a set of lungs on 'im._

Our brown-haired proctor turned to face us. "Before we begin, I have a few announcements...look here." He held up a piece of paper showing the combatants matched against each other. "There have been a few last-minute changes. Look again and confirm your assigned opponent."

I noticed that the Dosu guy wasn't there anymore. Did he withdraw or something? Whatever. I was more concerned with a certain duck-haired missing teammate . . . I raised my hand. "Hey."

"What?" Proctor-Dude asked.

"What's gonna happen, since Sasuke's not here yet?"

"If he doesn't arrive by the start of his own match, he'll lose by forfeit," he answered, apparently not caring.

Huh. Okay. It was already weird that he wasn't here, but if he didn't show up at his match (which he probably wouldn't miss even if he had some fatal injury - and that hopefully wasn't the case) then I would get really worried.

Still uncaring, Brown-san said, "Listen up, all of you. This is the last exam. The landscape may be different, but just as with the prelims, there are no set of rules. You fight until one of you dies or admits defeat...unless I determine that a clear winner has already been decided, in which case, I'll stop the match before anyone gets killed. Understand?"

_Yep._

"All right, then...match one, Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Neji. You two, stay down here...the rest of you, proceed to the waiting room outside of the arena!"

The others walked away, Shikamaru with one last glance at us. I probably shouldn't wave and blow him a kiss, should I?

"Child, whatever you are thinking of, _do not_."

Eep! Menacing Madara makes an appearance! Oh, wait, he was always menacing . . . _Gwahahah!_

_Gods, what is wrong with me?_

Neji and I faced each other. The smile that had been hovering about my lips disappeared.

"You got something to say?" He smirked.

"I will win."

"Vow it, child," Madara commanded.

Bemused, I said, "...I vow it." _You crazy, melodramatic, yet strangely endearing old coot._

"Good. Now, kick his sorry behind."

Well, that was an order I wouldn't mind following.

(_No uncertainty, no hesitation, that vow would not be broken. It was dramatic, yes, but truly meant._)

"Now, then...Match One...begin!" Brown-san announced.

Neji chuckled as he settled into his stance. "It's more fun this way, anyway...I can't wait to see the despair in your eyes...when the truth finally dawns on you..."

"Oh, God, the monologue." I rolled my eyes upwards. "Please, stop talking so that we can beat each other up already. I need to punch you so that I can prove my masculinity. Finally, I'll be able to giggle in a highly-pitched voice and wear sparkly pink like the manly man I am!"

Madara slapped a hand to his face. That was one check going on the calendar. I'd have to think of something else tomorrow to get him to do it again.

My daily facepalm accomplished, I got ready to attack. I wondered if I would be able to catch him off guard if I laughed gleefully as I charged him, shrieking, "Wheeeeee!"

Okay, no. I wasn't that ready to throw away all sense of dignity and sanity. As much fun as that would be...

* * *

So, Neji and I fought. I made witty, scathing remarks. He talked. Like, a lot. Even more than when he'd been fighting Hinata. He told me all about the 'hateful legacy of the Hyuuga clan' and showed me the curse mark on his forehead. Yes, we paused in the middle of a match for that.

But his story had informed me of his injustice. To be so under someone else's power must chafe. And he talked all about 'fate' this and 'fate' that, but...it seemed to me he was fighting against this 'fate'. Fighting fiercely. Maybe that's why he hit so hard.

I would change this clan that would put their family under dominion. How? I'm not sure. But I'm not alone in this. I've got Hinata's help, and she's strong. Trust me, she'll be a force to be reckoned with.

Where was I? Ah, yes. The match.

I won. With my foxy inmate's help, of course. I think, maybe, Neji began to believe me a little then. Perhaps he'll start to believe in himself now. You know, not in that 'I'm so superior' way. It would be good if he went easier on Hinata, too. All in all, I think he's got more to look forward to now.

Like being in my harem.

...maybe I should tell him about that last bit. Yeah. Sometime...

* * *

So, that match was over.

And Sasuke was still missing. That...wasn't good.

People were calling/demanding for the next match. I'm pretty sure they were all worked up just because it was Sasuke. The Saigo no Uchiha. Please. Could there be any more idiotic name for the Ouji Ahiru? The Last Uchiha. Like that's all he is? No. He is so much more. We are all more.

"What could he be doing?" Shikamaru muttered. "Is he not coming at all?"

"'The wise man does not court danger'...a prudent decision," stated Shino.

_Well,_ I reflected, _I guess I'm not all that wise or prudent._

Well, no. Actually, my name should totally be Wise or Prudence. Ah! I'd just come up with a name for myself, since I didn't know my real one. Ha-ha! Shino, my man, you've done it again!

"Shino, you're a genius." Hmm...what else had they been talking about?

("Sasuke," _whispered through hi...uh...her mind._)

_Oh, yes! Right! Thank you, Subconscious! You've saved me once again!_

"But there's no doubt he'll be here."

(_The pause was brief, hardly noticeable, so Shino and Shikamaru thought s/he was talking about Sasuke both times. But nothing can be that simple with Prudence - Shinchō, now, can it? Not even when she thought she knew who she was. _Especially_ then._)

I eyed Gaara. Lovely glared back at me.

_My dear, you're looking a little red around the edges, there._

_You're being irrational again, child,_ Inner Madara said.

_Gasp! How did you know? Can you read my mind?_

_I'm _in_ your mind, child,_ he stated flatly.

_Oh, no! Quick! I must purge myself of this mean old man intruder!_

_I am no intruder._ He snorted. _I'm not from the outside. I am here because of you. I am entirely your own doing._

_Oh, man, I must have been insane or something to have created you._

_...or __something._

"Perhaps he wishes to be disqualified," Hashirama remarked.

_What? Huh? Who? Where?_

Outer Madara's lip curled. "Have you forgotten what he is, Hashirama? He is an Uchiha." He folded his arms across his chest and stared steadily at the arena. "He will come."

"Wow. Have expectations of your clan much, Maddy?" I commented.

"Of course," he snapped. "They are my clan!"

"Uh, yeah, I believe I said that."

"_..._you infuriate me, child."

"Oh, goody. That means I'm doing my job right."

After a while, in which the people grew even more raucous for Sasuke, a man with a burn scar on the left side of his face walked over to the proctor, Brown-san and murmured something to him. Brown-san announced to us, "Everyone! One of the contenders for the match has not arrived yet."

_No shit?! _gasped Inner Obito.

_Aw, man. Another one?_

_Please, you love me__...__and don't repeat that word I just said._

_What word? You mean-_

_Lalalalala! I can't hear you! Lalafabagalala!_

_...__'fabagalala'?_

_I need variety._

_Oookay__..._

I suddenly snapped out of it. "Wait, what happened?"

Madara sighed. "Pay attention, child."

_But I don't wanna._

Inner Obito snickered.

"Sasuke's match has been postponed," Shino explained in a monotone. "Why? Because there would most likely be an uprising if it were to be disqualified."

"Hey! You mean my match has been moved up?" Shikamaru demanded.

_One would assume so._

"Well then_..._the next pairing is Kankuro against Aburame Shino. Please come down!" Brown-san called.

I glanced up towards the painted puppet-master. He looked to be grimacing. "_..._I withdraw."

I blinked, surprised and confused. _Why? I mean, sure, Shino is all awesome and stuff, but__...__it's the principal of the thing._

Shikamaru seemed as startled as I was, and from what I could tell, so did Shino.

Blond Pig-Tails grabbed the large fan at her back and snapped it open, giving it one big wave and creating a gust of wind. She hopped onto her fan and rode it down.

I turned to give Shino a commiserating pat. "People are weird," I said knowingly.

"Using yourself as an example, are you, child?" Madara murmured.

Hashirama wasn't even bothering to try to stop him anymore. Why it took twelve years for that, though, I have no idea.

"Hey! Final candidate, get down here!" Brown-san ordered.

Shikamaru looked like he was seriously thinking about just quitting the whole troublesome thing right then and there. So I gave him a push. "C'mon, harem bro. I fought, he fought, everybody fought! Just get on with it, hey?" I gave him a small smile. "Or I'll hug you until you asphyxiate."

There was a pause. Then he gave a huge sigh, shoulders slumping as he turned to trudge down to the arena. "How do you even know that word?" I heard him mutter before out of earshot.

I turned back, and noticed the others looking at me. "What?"

"Naruto," Hashirama said gently, "I believe you should spend some time away from Madara. Get a little peace and quiet."

"Are you saying he's not peaceful? Or quiet?"

"_..._erm_..._"

"I will kill you both and leave your bodies for the scavengers to find," Madara stated.

"You can't kill me, and Hashirama doesn't have a body," I pointed out. "Not one that's corporeal, anyway."

"._.._blast."

Shikamaru's match started.

* * *

Shikamau won_..._or he would've, if he hadn't forfeited. He'd had Temari in his Shadow Possession, but_..._well, he's Shikamaru.

"Victor, Temari!" called the proctor.

Shikamaru sighed, rubbing his neck.

_Cheese. That guy._ I clambered down from the balcony and dropped to the ground. "Shikamaru, you dork," I said cheerfully, walking over to him.

"Whatever."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm here to walk you back to your seat."

He raised an eyebrow.

I explained, "I'm just a nice guy like that." I faltered on the word 'guy'. _Dangit._

He noticed, of course, and gave me a questioning glance.

I ignored it. "Anyway_..._" I glanced around. "Looks like my errant teammate still isn't here. What is that duck doing?"

Shikamaru looked at me oddly.

At that moment, there was a whirl of leaves and wind. It would've been cool_..._if a leaf hadn't hit me in the eye. "Gah!" I clutched at my face.

The leaves and wind slowed, and in the middle of them was my not-so-missing teammate and teacher. "Ahh, so sorry we're late," said Kakashi-sensei.

"Yeah, right," Obito said cheerfully.

"He's so not," Rin agreed.

The proctor smirked. "Your name?"

"Uchiha Sasuke."

I glared with my one eye and cursed at him. "You duck!"

He glanced at me, then looked closer. "What happened to you?"

"One of your duck-damn leaves hit me in the eye!"

That oh-so-cool Uchiha non-expression on his face gave way to a smirk.

Obito, meanwhile, didn't bother with a smirk. He guffawed. Rin also laughed hard, staggering a little and holding onto Obito to keep her up. Beside Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei, Itachi's lips were twitching.

Shikamaru was snickering.

"The love. The concern," I deadpanned, placing a hand over my heart. "It just gets me right here."

Sasuke shook his head, still smirking. "You're such a dork."

"And you're still a duck. You're the duckiest of ducks."

"_..._dork."

I grinned toothily. He rolled his eyes. "I take it you won the first round, then?"

"Of course. Though you weren't here to see it," I added. "You know, Sasuke, there's fashionably late, and then there's just late."

Kakashi-sensei began, "Well, uh, flashy entrance notwitstanding_..._"

"And it was really flashy," I said under my breath.

He ignored me. "_..._don't tell me_..._Sasuke lost by forfeit?" He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "See, I told you we'd be late, Sasuke."

"Maybe your tardiness is contagious?" Brown-san retorted. "Sheesh!"

Kakashi-sensei coughed. "So_..._what's the deal?"

The proctor smiled slightly. "Don't worry, you're safe. Sasuke's match was postponed. His match wasn't forfeited."

Itachi smiled faintly. "Good for you, otouto," he murmured.

Kakashi-sensei laughed. "Oh, good, good!"

"You're so cute like this, Kakashi!" Rin gushed.

"Though the fact that we know you read dirty books detracts from your charm," added Obito.

"Yeah. Those giggles are creepy," Rin agreed.

Obito sighed, shaking his head. "If I'd known you'd grow up like this_.._." He grinned and flashed a thumbs-up. "I'd have totally gotten you started sooner!" _Whack_. "Ow! Riin!"

I blinked, and realized that Sasuke and Gaara were looking at each other. "Their eyes met across the crowd_..._it was murderous intent at first sight," I murmured.

Sasuke gave me a look. I grinned back. He rolled his eyes. I commented, "You know, you're gonna strain your eyes sometime if you keep doing that. But at least you're not scowling," I mused. "I swear, someday Madara's face is gonna stick like that."

(_Up on the balcony, Madara felt oddly ticked-off. He scowled, and immediately his irrtation increased. "Brat," he muttered._)

I felt strangely accomplished.

"Gaara, come down," Brown-san called.

Shikamaru turned to me. "Naruto, let's go back upstairs."

"Right." I flashed one last grin at Sasuke. "See ya later, Ouji."

He just nodded at me. I turned and started walking beside Shikamaru, Itachi following. After all, it was Sasuke's fight, not his own.

We walked up the stairs, Shikamaru a little behind me. "C'mon, Shika!"

"No good ever comes from rushing, you know," he muttered.

Itachi gave a slight smile before suddenly stiffening. I blinked, turning my head to stare into the small tunnel that let to the balcony.

Shikamaru noticed. "What is it?"

We both jolted when, in the tunnel, two people screamed before suddenly being cut off. Then there was the sound of footsteps.

"Don't move," Itachi commanded.

Like I could. No, I was absolutely frozen in place, not even daring to breathe.

Gaara stepped out of the tunnel and kept walking. He didn't even glance at us as he moved past us, down the stairs.

Then he was gone.

I blew out the breath I'd been holding, suddenly sitting down. "That_..._was close_.._."

Shikamaru sat down beside me. "If it hadn't been for those two_..._we probably would have been killed_.._."

Itachi shook his head. "Not probably. You _would_ have been killed."

Unable to hear him, Shikamaru grimaced. "I've never met anyone who killed so automatically. Even Sasuke better watch it_..._yikes_.._."

_Oh, dang. Sasuke._

I felt a hand on my head. "He can take care of himself, Naruto."

_Uh-huh. And you're not worried at all, are you, big brother Itachi?_

Not having spoken aloud, he didn't respond.

* * *

We were still sitting on the stairs, just, you know, getting our bearings back.

Abruptly, Shikamaru spoke up. "Remember the time we ran into him at the hospital? That time, he said_..._'I will kill you all_..._just you wait.'" He looked at me. "But_..._he didn't. Even though it was his best chance_..._we don't even register in his sight." He looked away again.

My eyes glazed as I remembered_..._

_Gaara said, "Now__...__help me feel alive!"_

_I would have no problem with that, man, if I didn't like feeling alive so much myself__..._

I realized I should probably respond to what Shika'd said. "Yeeaaah_..._so?"

He rolled his eyes. Jeesh, first Sasuke, now him? "We're not enough for him. Right now, the only one who can satisfy him_.._."

"Is Ouji-Ahiru," I finished, understanding.

"._.._right_.._."

I ignored his look, suddenly determined. I stood up. "Alright. Let's go watch the match."

He hurried after me. "What about Sasuke?"

"Don't worry. I'll help if he needs it. And I'm not sure he will." I added under my breath, "_..._mostly."

* * *

**Omake, not to be taken seriously, as it was written at 4 AM. What can I say? I get nutty when I'm sleep deprived. Well, nutti_er_.**

* * *

My eyes glazed as I remembered_..._

* * *

Gaara said, "Now_..._help me feel alive!"

"Want some sugar?"

He paused. "_..._what?"

"Sugar." I held out a packet of little sugar candies. "It'll help you feel alive."

He gazed down at it, pondering. Finally, he conceded, "All right." He took the packet from me and ripped it open. He took one candy in his fingers, squinting at it, before shrugging and popping it into his mouth. He chewed on it, then, apparently judging it worthy, he proceeded to demolish the rest and lick his fingers.

Shikamaru and I watched in wide-eyed horror as the red-headed boy blinked and began to vibrate. Gaara's eyes darted around.

We started backing away as the quivering intensified.

Then he started bouncing off the walls.

Literally.

"Such youth!" a voice exclaimed. Our eyes shot to the doorway, where Gai-sensei stood posed with his feet planted firmly on the floor, hands on his hips. "I am inspired to see such exuberance in the youth of today!" he cried. "And despite the fact that you put poor, adorable, young Lee in the hospital, probably never to become the great shinobi that he so wanted to be, ever, I commend you, evil, demon-like, yet cool and youthful child! Ha-ha!" He laughed heartily. Then he noticed a sugar candy that had been dropped, which had rolled across the floor to stop at his feet. "Oh? What is this?" He bent down and picked it up, studying it curiously before unwrapping it and putting it in his mouth.

Shikamaru and I clung to each other in shared terror.

Gai-sensei began to shake. "_..._yyyyyyyyYYYOOOOUUUUTTTTHHHHH!" He exploded.

I looked at Shikamaru in horror, and he returned it. "What have you done?" he whispered.

I shook my head helplessly. "God save us all."

That was when Iruka-sensei strolled in. "I'm here, puny mortals. Whatcha need?"

I stared at him. "Iruka-sensei_..._you mean you're really_..._?"

"Nah!" He laughed. "But hey, you shoulda seen your faces!"

* * *

I abruptly ended the reverie, feeling a little ticked-off. "I don't care if that never happened, I'm gonna punch Iruka-sensei in the face the next time I see him," I muttered.

"What?" Shikamaru gave me an odd look. "Weren't we just talking about Gaara? And what about Sasuke? Weren't you concerned for him?"

"Whatevah. I'll punch him in the face, too."

Itachi frowned at me. "No. My otouto's face is too pretty for that. Mine is prettier, naturally, but still_.._."

"Wow. What happened to 'Big Brother Mode'?"

He sniffed. "Please. As if I'd strain my face with that."

"._._."

"What? I've had a lot of stress in my life, okay? God!" he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "And besides, these lines on my face just make me even more beautiful!"

"Um_..._a little OOC there, Itachi?"

"Shuddup."

"Whatever," Shikamaru suddenly annouced, laying back on the stairs. "It's too bothersome to go try to save Sasuke, anyway. Wake me up sometime next century_..._or not."

I gave him a thumbs-up. "Believe it! We're all friends here! Yeah! Heart of the cards! No, wait_.._."

* * *

**End Omake**_..._**_please!_**

* * *

**A/N**

**Shinchō - Prudence**

**Ouji - Prince**

**Ahiru - Duck**

**Saigo no - Last**

**Wow! Past the 50 reviews mark and into the 60s! You guys are awesome! Also, I chose that song, When You Believe, because I thought it suited Neji.**

**To answer a few questions . . . first, RisingDaemon, I'm not quite sure yet when Naruto was possessed. I'll probably be able to answer this later in the story, when I've thought about it more, but I'm thinking she's been there for a long while. Maybe since his birth?**

**Rangrids, you seem pretty interested in how Hashirama and Madara came to be Naruto/Shinchō unofficial guardians, and to be honest, so am I. Writing a part with how that came to be is looking pretty likely, so I probably will do that. :)**

**Lamelinam, I'm so glad you like that part! That was one of my favorites to write, though it was short, I really liked it, too. As for Bijuu having ghosts, I don't think so. I mean, they're all pretty powerful entities, can you imagine ghosts of them going around? Unable to be touched, but probably able to do a lot of damage? Yeeaah . . . likely not a good idea. Not that I think they're all bad. In fact, I quite like them. Kurama was so small 'n cute as a child! *Cough.* But I digress . . . I don't think they will have ghosts. Can they even die, though? Hmm . . . anyway, hope I answered your question sufficiently. :)**

**That said, updates will be slowing down from now on, unfortunately. I mean, I don't think I can keep up posting 9- or 10-page chapters every two days or so. I will keep writing this, though, believe me, I'm having way too much fun with this to stop. Also, luckily, the next chapter is almost finished! It has Hashirama's perspective, and I absolutely love it! Wheeee!**

**Yo, you folks, it's time, this ain't no joke - oh, wait, yes it is!**

**"Knock, knock."**

**"Who's there?"**

**"Doctor."**

**"Doctor wh . . ."**

**". . ."**

**". . ."**

**". . . well?"**

**"You suck."**

**(Edit: 6/22/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/23/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	10. Answer

**Disclaimer: I don't own a garden gnome! Yeah! Yeah! I love to write and I don't atone! Yeah! Yeah! I'm an author, which I don't bemoan! Yeah! Yeah! What is it that I don't own? Naruto! Naruto! Yeah! Yeah! Uh...cone! Bone! Foam! Yeeeaaaah!**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Hey, guys, sorry about the wait. It took longer than I expected. ****Today is my birthday, so I sat down and quickly wrote the rest of this chapter. I really wanted to give you something for today, so this is your present. I hope you like it. :)**

**But I guess I should stop talking so that you can get on and read. Go! Go, my wild stallion! Or mare, whatever! Blaze into the sunset! But, uh, not literally. Catching fire is very bad for you.**

* * *

_I will be the answer  
At the end of the line  
I will be there for you  
While you take the time_

_In the burning of uncertainty  
I will be your solid ground  
I will hold the balance  
If you can't look down_

_If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It'll all be worth it  
Worth it in the end  
'Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all gone out  
You'll still be burning so bright...  
_

_\- Answer, _Sarah McLachlan

* * *

_Oh, my fudgin' cheese_. I gaped.

Sure, I hadn't been expecting Sasuke to be doing badly when I went to watch the match, but, cheeses...he looked like he was actually starting to beat Gaara. Especially with a move Kakashi-sensei'd taught him, called _Chidori: One Thousand Birds._ He'd gotten through Gaara's defense.

"He reminds me of you when we were younger, Madara," Hashirama murmured.

Itachi didn't even glance in the old Uchiha's direction, keeping his eyes on his younger brother as Madara grunted. He, too, was watching the fight.

"Except he probably won't end up defecting from the village and then trying to destroy it," added the First Hokage. Madara twitched.

"Wow, Hashi. Nice. I think you've just cursed us," I said.

"Please." Madara sneered. "What are the odds of that happening twice?"

"...and now you've doomed us all."

"I didn't take you for being superstitious, Naruto," Itachi commented.

"I see ghosts." A few people looked at me oddly for that. I ignored them.

"...point taken."

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Sasuke's just penetrated Gaara's defense.

There was a pause.

Then a wail cut through the air. "Blood! I'm bleeding!" I winced.

"Crap. I don't think that's good," said Obito, standing near Kakashi-sensei.

"No schtick, Obvious-taichou." Rin snorted.

"...Rin, you're kind of starting to scare me..."

She leered at him. "Oh? But I'm so kind and gentle!"

Obito shrunk back. "Not anymore, you're not," he mumbled.

"What was that?" She cracked her knuckles. Which was kind of weird, since she was a ghost and all.

"Nothing," he squeaked.

"I think you guys have been hanging around Kakashi-sensei too much," I commented.

Also in the stands were Karura and Yashamaru. They'd stayed up here, which was why I didn't see them in the tunnel with Gaara. "Yeah! Kick his butt, baby!" Karura cheered. "Oh, but don't kill him, 'cause that would be bad."

Below, on the battleground, Sasuke had been struggling to get his hand out of Gaara's sand defense, but he'd finally managed to tear himself away, luckily with his arm intact. But something had been grasping it.

Yashamaru winced. "Gaara..."

"Crap," muttered Karura.

"What is that?" demanded Gai-sensei.

Whatever it was, it retreated back into the sand. On the ground, I saw Sasuke suddenly shudder, staring at the hole in the sand. Then the defense began to crack and collapse, revealing Gaara standing there, panting and clutching his bleeding shoulder.

But then, for some reason, a bunch of pure white feathers obscured my vision, and my eyes started to close.

"Naruto!" I heard Madara snap. "It's a genjutsu!" _Ooh. Is that why I'm so sleepy?_ "Quickly, make the sign for - child?"

"Oh, there he goes," Obito observed.

_Silly Obito, not 'he', 'm a sh..._

...

Blackness.

* * *

I was suddenly pulled to wakefulness. I lifted my head from the ground, blinking blearily at a head full of pink hair. "Sakura? Wha..."

"I'll explain later," she hissed, grabbing onto me. "For now, stay down!" I was thoroughly confused when she then crawled over to a seemingly unconscious Shikamaru. I say seemingly, because after a moment of surprised staring, her eyes narrowed and she muttered, "Shikamaru, you...from the get-go...?"

It was then that I noticed that for some reason, there was a small dog there with a hitai-ate tied over his head. Shikamaru suddenly jolted up when the pug trotted over and bit his ankle, yelping, "Yeow!"

"You knew how to reverse genjutsu, too!" Sakura angrily jabbed her finger at him. "Why were you pretending to be asleep?!"

He grunted. "I didn't want to get dragged into it." He picked up the little dog and scowled at it, tugging at its cheek. "No thanks...I don't care about Sasuke." He yelped again when the dog bit his hand. I didn't blame it. I would've, too.

Bemused, I muttered, "What the heck is -"

"Naruto!" Madara barked over Hashirama and Sakura's cry of, "Behind you!"

Suddenly, a blur went past me, and something was slammed into a wall. Startled, I whirled around, just as Gai-sensei threw an unknown ninja through the wall, creating a large hole to the outside.

"Gai-sensei!" Sakura gasped.

Then, suddenly, Kakashi-sensei was there. "Okay, here's your mission!" He commanded, "Once you've heard it, head out through that hole!" We stared at him as he continued, "Chase after Sasuke, converge on him, and stop him! And then watch and wait somewhere safe until you receive your new orders!"

I gaped. "Wait, what? What was that about Sasuke?"

"No time!" Obito snapped, just as Sakura said, "I'll explain on the way!" Sakura grabbed onto me. "Let's go!" She leaped through the hole. I may have let out a rather undignified squeak when she did so. But hey, nobody can be as graceful and regal as I am all the time. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

* * *

...my ghost was gone. Hashirama. He'd just suddenly disappeared, leaving Madara and I alarmed. There was nothing I could do about that, though. I was busy leaping through the forest with Shikamaru, Sakura, and a little dog named Pakkun.

"Just go," I'd said. Madara had looked at me, and I'd looked back. "You probably can't do anything here, anyway. Go. Find Hashirama." Madara hesitated for a moment, then, gritting his teeth, he left.

Now, I grimaced. Sakura had just informed me on what was going on. "That darn duck. What, he couldn't have grabbed us before he went?"

She shrugged. "You know Sasuke."

Shikamaru scowled at Sakura, ignoring me. "So? How come you got me involved? This is such a pain!"

"It was Kakashi-sensei's command," she snapped back. "Now shut up and run."

Wow. She'd really toughened up from when I'd first met her.

In front of us, Pakkun paused, sniffing, before springing forward. "This way!"

We followed.

* * *

**Hashirama's P.O.V.**

* * *

One moment Madara and I were with Naruto, the next moment there was darkness. I was in a box. No...I was in a coffin.

Then the lid fell, and I opened my eyes, slowly straightening my slumped shoulders. I was on the roof of a building, and before me was my brother and I's successor.

My brother was beside me, and he spoke up first. "Saru..."

"Sarutobi..." I managed a small grin, the most I could do, as my face felt oddly stiff. I had the feeling expressions would not come easily. "It has been a while since you've seen us, though not that long since we've seen you, eh?"

Sarutobi's face was grave. "I never imagined that when I saw you two again, it would be under such circumstances...I am so sorry..." He inhaled. "Please prepare yourselves...First Hokage. Second Hokage."

I laughed jovially, or as jovially as I could. "So formal, Hiruzen! Come now, we're only your teachers."

"And thus deserving of the respect he shows us," Tobirama interjected. "Be quiet now, brother." I sulked as he looked around, spotting Orochimaru behind us. "Ah, reanimation, of course...summoned by a stripling using a forbidden jutsu...Impressive," he drawled.

"You know, brother, it does not sound like a compliment when you say it like that," I said.

He gave me such a look! "I know, now pipe down."

My sulk turned into all-out depression. He ignored it.

"Enough with the old folks' small talk, entertaining though it might be," Orochimaru said. "Why don't we get stated?"

I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, both Tobirama and I, and we would be used. "War...so many years, and yet, there's still so much war..." I wished for Madara. Where was he?

Behind me, Hiruzen's former student laughed. "You know you like it."

My expression changed imperceptibly as Sarutobi growled something back at the snake Sannin. My brother noticed. "Hashirama, get your mind out of the gutter! That was not a dirty joke! God, you've been spending too much time around the Uchiha and that Naruto child..."

"Madara does not make dirty jokes," I protested. "He doesn't even appreciate them! No, this is all Naruto's doing..."

"Do not say it as if you are proud of that fact!"

"Well, you certainly don't appreciate them, either!" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're all so fudging stoic!"

"'Fudging'?" he repeated. "'Fudging'? Hashirama, this is not the way a Hokage should speak!"

I sighed, shaking my head. "You were so cute as a child, Tobirama...so earnest and innocent, though still demanding, even then. It was so adorable when you commanded me to give you affection," I said wistfully. I looked at him regretfully. "And then you turned five..."

Tobirama scoffed. "We were shinobi, in the middle of a war."

"We were children."

"No, we were ninja."

I gave him a sad look. He returned it, except without the sadness. His face might as well have been made from granite.

I changed the subject. "You know, Naruto says that he suspects you had early on-set Stoicism. "

"Naruto is impertinent."

"Enough of this talk," Orochimaru interrupted our conversation. "Shall we begin?" He raised the two kunai that had spell notes attached to their ends and stabbed them into our heads. I could hear the grin in his voice as he pulled back his hands, saying, even as my personality faded, "But first, I need you restored to your original forms."

Our corroded, decayed bodies started sizzling, emitting steam as they regenerated. I stared blankly ahead, not reacting.

"They look more and more like their old selves," Sarutobi observed.

We may have looked the same, but our eyes were empty.

Orochimary chuckled. "Perfect..."

* * *

**Naruto/Shinchō**

* * *

We were being chased by two squads of enemy ninja. That meant eight, or rather, nine, shinobi. That was not good. An ambush was suggested (by Sakura and I) but we were told that it wouldn't work. Shikamaru gave a long explanation on that, which I almost immediately forgot. The gist was, it wasn't an option.

So Shikamaru proposed one of us stay behind and delay them by making it look like we were lying in wait. A decoy. But that person, he concluded, would most likely...die.

I was about to volunteer, but he interrupted, saying he was the only choice. Because the only one who could pull it off and even possibly survive was him, as he had the Shadow Possession technique, and it was fundamentally a detainment jutsu.

Shikamaru. I was proud to have him in my harem, no matter how humorous I found it at the time.

Anyway, at first, it seemed as if the enemy ninja were still gaining on us, but then they stopped. I knew it was Shika's doing, and I grinned widely before I once again got serious and continued to persue Sasuke and Gaara with a brief thought on where Hashirama was, and what he was doing.

* * *

**Hashirama**

* * *

Sarutobi had called his Summoning, Monkey King Enma, and he fought with him, along with two Shadow Doppelgangers. Then he had all three make various, fairly alarming signs, and with my personality pushed down low, I used a genjutu, _Kokuangyo no Jutsu: the Art of Infinite Darkness_. Unable to see, he got hurt. Even in the total blackness, though, he still found us. He grabbed onto me, and even after I dealt him several blows, he did not let go.

I jerked as I felt something jab into me, and my genjutsu unravelled.

I was back. I blinked at Sarutobi, who was still holding onto me, blood dripping from his mouth. "Hiruzen..." I said helplessly, "...I am sorry..."

I heard my brother say, "Forgive us for giving you this trouble, Saru..."

Hiruzen closed his eyes. "First Lord...Second Lord...Hashirama-sensei, Tobirama-sensei...please forgive me!" That was when he used the Shinigami's hands to pull our souls out of our false bodies, and into Sarutobi's clones.

The original Sarutobi grabbed onto Orochimaru and yanked at his soul, before the snake wrapped around Enma forced him to stab Sarutobi with his sword. In the end, Sarutobi took only Orochimaru's arms.

And us. Madara would give me such a talking-to about that...or he would've, if he'd had the chance...

But before I was pulled into the Shinigami, I heard one last desperate cry, "Hashirama!"

_Madara! _I struggled, but this is the Death God we're talking about here...

_Madara, my friend, Madara, no, I want to stay, I want to - but I -_

_My friend -_

_Madara -_

_I'm sorry about that talking-to. I know you would've enjoyed it._

* * *

**Madara**

* * *

I glared up at the Death God and demanded, "Give him back!"

The Shinigami gave me only a glance, then focused on the Snake Sennin in the Third's hands, ignoring me completely.

I gritted my teeth. "Shinigami! He is not yours to take!"

He paused at that, then began to laugh, rough and chilling.

_**Foolish ghost, you are all mine eventually.**_

_No. Not this one._

* * *

**Naruto/Shinchō**

* * *

As we were running, Pakkun suddenly announced, "Sasuke's stopped moving...he's still too far away!"

I made a noise in my throat as an acknowledgement.

The little dog sniffed the air and said, "Comrades, there are others pursuing Sasuke also!"

"Uh, is that good or bad?"

Sakura added, "Are they friends? Foes?"

"...I can't tell...just that...they're not human!"

Um, what?

* * *

So, it just turned out that the 'others' were Shino and his bugs, which was good.

Not so good was that when we made it to Sasuke, he was collapsed on a tree limb. I didn't get to see much before I kicked away the guy who'd been attacking him, whom I presumed was Gaara. He looked really weird, though. with some kind of weird tail thing and and his left arm and the right side of his face all...odd. Just...what the heck?

I knew he was Gaara, though, because Karura and Yashamaru were with him.

Behind me, I heard Pakkun say, "His appearance may have changed...but it's that fellow, Gaara."

"He's the one...who knocked Sasuke down," said Sakura, sounding like she was frowning.

_Uh, it looks like he did a lot more than just knock him down, c__hīmumeito__._

I studied Lovely, who was glaring at us and grimacing, one side of his face distorted.

He said he was born a monster. I guess this was what he was talking about.

Sasuke began to cough and Sakura cried his name in alarm. I glanced behind me. The Ouji-Ahiru was shaking, blood trailing from his mouth, plus the Kuraidesu Māku covered part of his skin. Not good.

"You're...one...I didn't get to kill," Gaara rasped.

I blinked at him.

_ ...for as long as there are people out there for me to kill...I will not cease to exist..."_)

_Damn._

I urgently turned to face Sakura. "Sakura, take Sasuke and g-"

I wasn't aware of Gaara until he rushed past me, too fast to stop. "Die! Uchiha Sasuke!"

"Baby, no!" Karura cried.

In a smooth motion, Sakura stood in front of Sasuke, holding a kunai in front of her with both hands, expression determined.

Gaara seemed to flinch, and Yashamaru, standing with my pink-haired teammate, appeared to become slightly more corporeal. His form looked almost solid for a split-second before Gaara pushed his left arm-thing through him and into Sakura, slamming her into a tree. She cried out and then went lax.

Standing over Sasuke, Gaara flinched again, grabbing at his head, and Yashamaru wavered.

Taking advantage of his inattention, I jumped onto the tree limb, grabbed onto Sasuke, and leaped away again. I lay him on the other tree limb I'd landed on. Granted, I could've been more gentle, but this didn't exactly seem like the time for careful consideration and soft touches.

I eyed my duck-haired teammate. I wasn't very sure about whether I could handle Lovely as he was right then, and Sasuke didn't look as if he'd be much help.

_I wish Madara and Hashirama were here._

In my mind, there was silence.

Before me, Gaara was grasping his head as if it hurt. "Unh...why...?" His eyes were distant, as if he were remembering something, his face pained.

And Yashamaru looked almost...living. He bent down to wrap his arms around his sister's son. "Beloved nephew..." he murmured, brushing his hand against Gaara's back. "Calm yourself. You are not alone."

Karura joined him. "No, not alone, son of mine, never that. Even if we are just ghosts, we do still haunt you." She paused and added, "In a non-creepy way, of course." She coughed. "Besides, who'dja think you got that sand of yours from? Certainly not from old Shu there."

"Wow," said Yashamaru. "Just when I didn't think you could get any more disrespectful..."

"Not true. I can be loads more disrespectful. Especially towards a certain idiot of a father."

"Of course. Silly of me to think that you have limits."

"Well." She sniffed. "So long as you acknowledge my mad dissing skills."

Distracted by their banter, I suddenly realized that Yashamaru had gone back to being all transparent 'n' stuff. I glanced at Gaara, and really didn't like the look on his face.

"What's the matter?" he rasped. "I thought you were going to run away."

Well, maybe I would, if not for...

Against the tree, Sakura groaned. "...Sasuke...Naruto..."

...yeah. Damnit.

Gaara paused. "Who are they to you?"

I blinked, because I thought that would have been obvious. "They're my friends. And part of my harem...but mostly my friends!"

The Madara in my mind facepalmed while my Inner Kiba yelled, _Not the time, Prudence!_

_Oh, fine._

I jerked when Sakura screamed as Gaara pressed her harder into the tree. "Stop!" I jumped at him, but it was embarrassingly easy for him to thwack me with his tail-thing and send me flying into a nearby tree limb. Luckily, I landed on a part with really thick foliage. I grimaced, pushing myself up, and glanced at Sasuke. He was struggling to move, but, well, his body was clearly saying, _"Nothing doing, duck face."_

_Silly body, that's duck _hair_, not duck _face_._

_God, you just keep getting weirder, _muttered Inner Kiba.

_Wait, what does that mean for us, that we're figments of her imagination? _wondered Inner Obito.

_Don't think about it, _suggested Inner Hashirama.

_It's getting blasted crowded in here, _muttered Inner Madara.

_Whatever, roomies. Or is that mindies? _I mused. W_hatever. Anyway, I need a way to rescue Sakura. Any ideas?_

There was a pause.

_Um . . . can't you just summon that big toad? _asked Inner Kiba.

_Oh. Right._

I slammed my hand on the tree limb. _Kuchiyose! Summoning!_

There was a poof, and before me was...

I stared. In my mind, Inner Kiba broke out in a coughing fit, along with occasional snorts and what might have been muffled guffaws.

"What the? You're just a brat!" The small toad I'd summoned frowned. "If you want my help, give me some munchies! Or else I won't play with you!"

I cringed. "Uh, I'm really sorry about this, but, um...this isn't exactly the time to be playing around.

_Child!_ barked Inner Madara. _Stop apologizing! Try it again! All that training had to be good for something!_

But Yashamaru was flickering, and Gaara said, "Friend? What a laugh..." The sand on him grew, enveloping the top half of his body, giving him two large claw-like arms instead of one. The sand connecting his arm to the sand around Sakura retreated, and Gaara was now left with two free arms while Sakura was still trapped by what sand was left to the tree.

"Unless you take me down, the sand around that girl won't dissolve." Gaara's face was now almost completely taken over by that monstrous form of his. "In fact, it will slowly constrict, eventually smothering and crushing her!"

_Crap. Crappity crap crap._

Inner Obito said, _Wow, such profanity. But you know, what this situation really calls for is -_

_Obito? _said Inner Rin sweetly.

_Uh...I mean...watch your language, young man! Er, young lady?_

Wow. Inner Madara was right. My head really was getting rather crowded.

The man - er, figment, whatever - himself snapped, _Idiot child, pay attention!_

_Nar - Shi - damnit, move!_ cried Inner Hashirama.

But it was too late, and all I could do was grab the little toad I'd summoned and curl my body into him. Then I was being hit by Gaara's sand shuriken, and I crashed into a tree trunk, then fell onto its limb. I groaned, but I managed to slam my hands onto the wood and hold my body up enough so that I didn't accidentally squish the amphibian I'd been holding, who was now crouched below me on the tree limb.

All I could dazedly think was, _Whoa. Hashirama swore._

The little toad blinked up at me. "What?"

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Karura hurried over. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked worriedly.

_Uhh...let me get back to you on that..._

I was distracted when Sukoshi-Hikigaeru exclaimed, "What in the world is that thing?"

I glanced up and stared.

Gaara was now almost completely transformed, but for his legs. He was slowly getting there, though.

I wasn't paying attention to his legs, though. I mean, under other circumstances (_much, much, much different circumstances_) I'm sure I would have been able to properly appreciate them, but right now...I was looking at his eyes.

They were such...lonely eyes. So solitary. He looked so...alone.

I thought back to when the only people I had were my ghosts. When it seemed everyone else hated me, despised me, and I didn't even know why, and that made me all the more hurt and lonely. But then I had Iruka-sensei along with my ghosts, my gentle, mostly cheerful, but easily depressed Hashirama and grumbling, grumpy, complaining, cantankerous, cranky, grouchy, scowling, bad-tempered, sneering, irritable...um...where was I going with this?

Oh, right. Sneering, irritable, but really-not-all-that-bad Madara. Yup. And then came Sasuke and Sakura, along with Kakashi-sensei, who caused Hashirama to nearly cry with happiness when he brought me a basket full of vegetables. And then there was my harem, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Lee, soon-to-be-joining Neji...and I guess I should ask Tenten, too...

But yeah. And of course, I couldn't forget the Third Hokage.

Anyway, the point is, without them, I could have ended up exactly like Gaara. Two sides of the same coin, you might say.

So, yes. I understand him. I don't know what actually happened to him, other than what I've gleaned from Karura and Yashamaru's comments, along with his own, but I know he's been alone...or thought he was alone...all this time. And he's suffered like that, so that now he can trust only himself, fight only for himself.

_Oh, dear, dear, dear. What a mess._

_He is not someone to be easily fixed, child,_ warned Inner Madara.

_Golly geez, Maddy, I don't wanna fix him. I just really wanna hug him n' love him 'till he feels it._

_That's all well and good, 'Chō, _said Obito. _But you might wanna do something about all that murderous intent, first._

Against the tree, Sakura groaned as the sand slowly tightened. I glanced at her quickly and grimaced. _Duck damnit._

"What's the matter...are you scared of me?"

I looked back at Gaara, blinking. _Er, what? Oh, um, no, that wasn't a grimace of fear . . ._

He said, "Whether you fight for yourself...or for others...you should love only yourself! Only fight for yourself! That's the definition of the strongest one!"

_In that case, I'm quite content being something else._

"Now! Fight me!" he roared. "Show me your power, just like when you took down Hyuuga! I'll grind that power into nothingness!"

I hesitated, unsure of what to do.

"Well? What's the matter?" he demanded. "If you don't fight me, I'll kill that girl!"

Sakura was slumped in the sand, decidedly unconscious.

_Darn!_ I gritted my teeth and leapt at him, creating multiple Shadow Doppelgangers.

That turned out to be a bad idea, as I was then blown back into a tree. Again. Which, lemme tell you, really hurt.

"First, I'm going to play with you without letting you die," he said.

_Kinky,_ Inner Anko-josei suddenly spoke up.

_Oh, God, not you,_ muttered Inner Madara.

_Me,_ she assured him smugly, with great relish.

I started paying attention again when Gaara said, "But you won't escape."

_Sorry, old buddy, old pal, didn't quite catch that. Would you mind repeating your threat again for me_?

I mused as I struggled to stand up that actually saying that would probably be a very bad idea.

Turned out trying to stand up was a bad idea, too. Once again, I was slammed into the tree. And again and again and again, as I kept stubbornly pushing myself to my feet and he kept lashing out. Finally, I was thrown onto another tree limb. Which was still painful.

_It's probably not going to stop being so,_ Inner Hashirama said gently.

_Yep, so you better get used to it, kid,_ added Inner Anko-josei cheerfully

Inner Madara stayed silent, but it was a silence in which he seemed to be studying me.

The thing that was now Gaara was watching me. "...you.. ."

Again, I found myself slowly rising to my feet, not without some difficulty.

_You...are absolutely determined not to lose this, aren't you? _observed Inner Madara. _Absolutely determined not to lose to_ him.

_Well...yeah._

_For whatever reason, _he continued, _you feel very strongly about this boy. It's not romantic - I'm unsure as to whether or not romance is beyond you - you just do not want to lose to him...no matter what it takes. Why?_

I paused. Why? Maybe it was because of that loneliness I saw in his eyes. Perhaps it was because I understood him, because I could have been him. Metaphorically, not literally, of course. Maybe I love too much and too quickly for my own good. Maybe, maybe, maybe...so many theories.

I grinned. _Guess it's just one of those things, Maddy._

Just one of those things, but I wouldn't flee. I wouldn't bow down, I wouldn't fall. I would stand, and I would fight, both for me, for my friends, and for him. For king! Country! And justi -

_Don't call me Maddy._

_Darnit, I was on a roll, Mads! Jeesh!_

And thus, my dramatic moment was ruined. _Thank you, voice in my head. Thank you very much._

* * *

**A/N**

**Sukoshi - Little**

**Hikigaeru - Toad**

**Josei - Lady**

**Shinchō - Prudence**

**Kuraidesu - Dark**

**Māku - Mark**

**Chīmumeito - Teammate**

**Ouji - Prince**

**Ahiru - Duck**

**Obvious-taichou - (basically) Captain Obvious**

**Heeey! So, I wanna answer a question now from Lamelinam, as to whether the ghosts would seriously change things, or whether they would just be used for crack. The answer is yes, they will change things. I have plans for them, big plans. Heh, heh, heh, heh...**

***Cough.* Yeah. Also, question from northpeach, about whether there was a scene where Naruto/****Shinchō**** told the Third Hokage that he/she could see ghosts, and actually proved it. The answer, I suppose, is yes, but it happened at a pretty young age, since she could see them all her life, and she'd known Sarutobi since whenever. I dunno if I'll ever write it.**

**Anyway, that said, I'm so glad you like this story! I'm happy that you find my references funny, because I sure do. I wanna thank you guys for all your wonderful reviews. Before I posted this, I never imagined getting so many! My gosh, you just...elate me. So much. And I hope I do the same for you! Happy birthday!**

**(Last edit: 7/25/2015****)**


	11. One Struggle More, and I Am Free

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. What a shock! Anyone need any smelling salts?**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**My gosh, here it is! The next chapter! Bet you thought it would never come, eh? Yeah, sorry about the long wait. I got inspired by Yu-Gi-Oh! and I started writing that instead of this. Luckily (and I would like to thank Bleachfan1015, Keiren-Kun89, SandInTheEye, and Waldo Santiago for this) I finally got up off my backside, and then sat it down again at the computer. Now, go! Read! Enjoy! And hopefully review!**

**Also, there's a new P.O.V. introduced in this chapter. Hope ya like it!**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_Then bring me wine, the banquet bring;_

_Man was not formed to live alone:_

_I'll be that light, unmeaning thing,_

_That smiles with all, and weeps with none._

_\- "One Struggle More, and I Am Free" _Lord Byron

* * *

I stared at the huge tanuki-like creature. Except more deadly.

Seriously. Just when I'd been about to beat 'im...

To recap, it was all because of Sasuke. Because he stood up (_no matter how much struggle it took_) and stated that he'd already lost everything once before (_don't look so anguished, Itachi_) and he didn't ever want to watch his precious comrades die in front of him again.

In that moment, I'd thought of Kakashi-sensei and Haku and Iruka-sensei. They were all strong, but they were the most powerful when they were protecting someone.

I looked up at Sasuke, and mused, _Wow. Imagine that. You're stronger now, Ouji, then when you weren't bruised and battered and about to fall down. At least, that's what I think._

_Right, then. I'll protect you if you'll protect me._

I'd summoned a massive amount of chakra to create about two hundred shadow doppelgangers. Then we'd all attacked.

Unfortunately, when we'd just gotten him down, he'd roared, "I will not lose to someone like you!"

_You mean secretly female?_

That's when he'd changed.

_Ohcrap._

* * *

So, that's where we are now.

I gazed up at the huge tanuki.

"Dang," muttered Karura muttered. "There's old Shu..."

'Old Shu' raised a large claw at me and sand began to surround me. And I'd used up my chakra on all those doppelgangers...which were now gone.

Yashamaru moved forward as if to stop it, but he wasn't exactly corporeal, so I wasn't sure what he could do about it.

"Damnit," Karura cursed. She met my eyes somewhat desperately. "I'm sorry, honey, but we can't..."

"I know." I heard Sasuke shout my name. My gaze flickered to Sakura, whom I'd sworn to him I would protect, and who was still trapped to a tree, eyes closed as she struggled to breathe.

_Breaking promises, now, are you, child? _taunted Inner Madara.

_No._

As the sand swirled around me, I bit my thumb, and then I was completely covered.

Not for long.

* * *

**Madara**

* * *

Fuck this shit (_as his one-eyed descendant would say_).

_You are not taking away my Senju, Shinigami-sama. I don't care if you're a death god, a minor deity, or utterly human._

_I'm taking him back._

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

Beneath me, a huge toad suddenly appeared. _Yes!_

"What the-? You again?" he grumbled. "What is it this time?" That's when he noticed the large, unfriendly tanuki monster.

"Thanks for coming, Hikigaeru-sama!" I said breathlessly. "I'd really like your help with this, please!"

"...no thanks."

I nearly fell of his head. "Wha-?! But - but you - you said I'd be your henchman, right? And bosses help their henchmen?" I tried, a little desperately. Okay, a lot desperately.

"Indeed, I did say I would make you my henchman...but I haven't even exchanged sake cups with you yet..."

I gaped for a moment. "I'm still underage! I can't drink!" My voice went high and a little shrill.

Just then, something jumped onto my head and settled there. "Don't be so stubborn, and help this kid, will ya!" came the voice from the toad I'd Summoned earlier. "All all, he protected me! Otōsan!"

My eyes widened. _Hikigaeru-sama is a papa?_ I melted slightly. _Aww!_

"What in the world are you doing here...Gamakichi?" growled Hikigaeru-sama.

"I had nothing better to do, so I came out to have some fun." Well, he did look pretty bored when I'd first Summoned him. But wait, was he covering for me? "But him over there, he tried to bully me!"

"What?" Hikigaeru-sama seared Gaara (_or what used to be Gaara_) with a glare. He shifted. "Kid...I'll acknowledge you as my henchman! And I'll show you plenty of honor-bound duty!"

"Your dad's cool," I whispered to the toad on my head.

I'm pretty sure he was beaming. "Yup!"

Hikigaeru-sama took out the largest sword I'd ever seen. It fit him in size. "I'm going to settle this score...you lackey!"

I cheered inwardly. Outwardly, I was preoccupied with trying not to slip off his head as he braced himself, growling, "Hold on tight!" With that, he leaped at the giant Tanuki, slashing at it with his equally big sword. He managed to cut it, but he couldn't keep his hold on the sword, and it flew from his hands. A big bit of tanuki crashed into the landscape, and Hikigaeru-sama finally landed on the ground, skidding across it until he came to a stop. His sword landed point-down a little away from Gaara's 'monster'. I was more worried about my pink-haired teammate, though.

"Hikigaeru-sama, Sakura's over there, so we can't go that way! Can you lure him over here?"

"Sakura?" he questioned.

"She's his girl...Otōsan." I could hear the grin in Gamakichi's voice.

I was about to protest that, _Well, I wouldn't say that_...but then I remembered that she was in my harem, and I realized, _Oh, yeah, actually, she kind of is. My harem girl. Cool._

_Do you really think this is the time, __Shinch__ō__? _asked Inner Madara witheringly.

_Erm..._

_No. It's not. Pay attention, brat._

Not really wanting to irritate the grouchy voice in my mind (_wow, it sounds kind of schizophrenic when it's said like that_), I quickly focused on the issue at hand. "We have to take him down. Otherwise, we can't save Sakura."

The was a pause for a moment. Then, "...huh."

'Huh'? _Hikigaeru-sama, that's not very detailed._

**"Fascinating!" **barked the tanuki.** "This is getting fun! Uzumaki Naruto!"**

_Not qui - what the helenium?_

It looked as if Gaara was growing out of the tanuki's head. I admit, I was a little weirded out by that.

"...so, that's the host, huh..." Hikigaeru-sama observed.

Gaara made a sign with his hands. "In gratitude for giving me such a good time so far...I'll show you the true strength of the sand spirit."

_Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good._

"That poor host," said Hikigaeru-sama, "he's got chronic insomnia from being possessed by Shukaku...look at those rings around his eyes."

Um. So, that wasn't just a fashion statement?

_I think now is the time to exert some sensitivity. You know, that thing that you don't usually do,_ Inner Obito piped up.

_Obito, 'that thing that you don't usually do?' _Inner Rin scolded. _You dope!_

_Yay, my heroine!_ I cheered.

_You have to more specific than that! _she cried.

_Ye - hey!_

While Inner Obito snickered, Inner Madara hit my mental self over the head. _Pay attention, child!_

"...out of fear!" Hikigaeru-sama was saying. "If they were ever to totally fall asleep, Shukaku would gradually devour their personality until they eventually stopped being themselves! Because they are so chronically sleep-deprived, the host personality tends to become unstable after a while..."

Oh, man. I'd gone without sleep for a while before, so I knew how loopy you got, but with how much longer he'd probably been awake...poor guy.

"Normally...while the host is awake...Shukaku's true strength is suppressed...but..." I could practically hear him grimace. "If the host voluntarily enters sleep . . ."

I got a very bad feeling as Gaara shouted something that I was too far away to hear, and then slumped over.

_Um. Bad, _Inner Obito squeaked.

_Mega bad, _agreed Inner Rin.

_Super mega bad!_ said Inner Anko-josei brightly.

_Uh, sounding a little too happy there, Anko... _I said, a little nervously.

The tanuki was laughing.** "Free, I'm finally free!"**

_Ohcrap._

Shukaku fixed his strange eyes on us.** "Yeah! Ooh, straight out the gate, I see someone I wanna slaughter!"**

'Gate' reminded me of the giant fox I'd seen when I was falling to my could-have-been death, courtesy of Jiraiya-sensei. The Kyuubi.

_Child! _Inner Madara barked.

Shukaku held out one claw, flexing it.** "Wing Style!"**

Hikigaeru-sama growled. "I'm gonna leap!"

Shukaku slapped his claw to his stomach.** "Renkudan! Air Bullets!"**

Hikigaeru-sama jumped as Shukaku released it, destroying dozens of trees as it barreled to and past the space that we had been.

I held on as Hikigaeru-sama made a sign with his hands, cheeks bulging with water before he let go of the liquid bullets straight at Shukaku, who looked up and released some air bullets of his own. They destroyed each other, but unfortunately, one of the tanuki's made it past.

"Hikigaeru-sama, watch out!" I shouted. "There's one more!"

"Ugh!" It caught him.

* * *

**Shinigami**

* * *

**_Oh for - can you not just let him go, you maddening little human?_**

Uchiha Madara grinned, sharp and dangerous. "Not on my life."

**_The one you don't have?_ **I pointed out, quite sensibly, might I add.

"Exactly."

**_That doesn't even make sense,_ **I said, somewhat plaintively.

"I don't live, therefore, I will never let him go."

**_What if I gave you back your life?_ **I snapped, deeply aggravated.

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you offering?"

**_And if I was?_**

He shook his head, wild hair whipping around him. "It would be pointless without him."

**_Uggh!_**

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

"Oww, that hurt!" Hikigaeru-sama whined. "That little ball was packed with an unbelievable amount of chakra!"

_Hey, we're alive! _Inner Obito said in surprise.

_Shinch__ō__ is alive, _Inner Rin corrected. _We're just voices in her head._

_And if she was dead, then we would be gone, _he argued. _T__herefore, I have every right to say, 'Hey, we're alive!'_

_Fair enough, _she conceded.

Hikigaeru-sama was shouting up to me. "Even someone like me can't take many more of those balls!"

"So what do we do?" I shouted back.

"The most important thing there is! We've got to clobber that host brat awake! Then the jutsu will come undone!"

The jutsu?

_The one he used to put himself to sleep, _explained Inner Madara.

_Ooh. So that's what he was yelling about._

Wait. He wanted to clobber Gaara?

"How will we do that?" I asked aloud.

"We need to get up close and stop that fool's movements! That'll give us the opening to strike!"

"Yeah, okay, how?"

"I'm a toad, I don't have the fangs or claws to hold him still!" he said. "So I'm going to use the Art of Transformation to morph into something predatory!"

Shukaku was growling, raising a claw.

"Transformation isn't my strong suit! I need you to weave the signs for me..." I panicked and was about to speak up when he continued, "And I'll lend you my chakra! It'll be a combo transformation! 'Cuz you used up the last of your chakra, right?!"

_Oh, thank ramen..._

_Ramen? Seriously? The least you could do is use an actual deity, _said Inner Kiba, slightly disgusted.

_How about dango? _Inner Anko-josei piped up.

_I said a deity, not another foodstuff! And neither of that's healthy!_

_Some people are such critics. _I sniffed. _Amiright, Anko?_

_Fo sho, girl._

Inner Hashirama nudged me mentally. _The transformation, Shinch__ō__._

"Here we go!" Hikigaeru-sama rumbled.

_Ack! Wait!_

_Fangs and claws, child... _murmured Inner Madara.

_Fangs and claws... _My mind flashed to -

_One tail, Shinch__ō__!_ Inner Hashirama yelped. _Only one tail!_

There was a big blast of smoke as Hikigaeru-sama transformed, and then a huge fox with crimson eyes (and, yes, only one tail, thank you, Hashirama) was going at the tanuki. He sank his fangs into Shukaku and dug his claws into his body. Shukaku growled, straining against him.

"All right! Now go!" growled Hikigaeru-Kitsune-sama.

_Uh, do I just jump and swing my fist at him? What?_

_You could try stabbing 'im with something sharp,_ Inner Anko-josei said cheerfully.

_Just go! Now!_ Inner Madara commanded.

Spurred into action, I leapt. Immediately after I left his head, Hikigaeru-Kitsune-sama turned back into just Hikigaeru-sama.

_Yeah! Punch that sucker in the face! _cheered Anko-josei.

_Lady. _Inner Obito snorted. _That's no..._

_What's that, chump?_

_Uh...nothing._

_Wise move, Obi. Wise move._

_Quiet! _Inner Madara snarled.

I gritted my teeth. "Wake up!" And, as Anko-josei suggested, I punched Gaara in the face.

_Day-amn, girl! _Inner Anko-josei sounded impressed.

Thanks to my momentum, I started sliding down the tanuki's face, but luckily I managed to catch myself. I used the hand I'd pressed down and stopped myself with to throw myself forward, dashing towards Gaara. His eyes were open, and he was now glaring murderously at me. As I ran, my feet suddenly sank, stopping me in my tracks.

_Shit, _Inner Obito cursed as sand rose and flew towards me. Before it reached me, however, I was suddenly surrounded by something damp and squishy...

_Seriously? A tongue? Again?_

_Be grateful, child, _Inner Madara advised. _That tongue just saved your life._

_Maddy, do me a favor. Never say that again._

_Don't call me Maddy._

_Um, Shinchō? _Inner Obito said nervously.

_Shinchō, look down! _Inner Hashirama warned.

I glanced down, only to see sand crawling up my legs from where they were sunk, slithering upwards. "Oh, fudge! And brownies, too!"

Inner Madara cursed. _This is not good, child!_

_Well, I didn't think it was a tea party with milk and biscuits._

Suddenly, Hikigaru-sama shifted, and his tongue retracted.

_Shinch__ō__, I think the hikigaeru is at the end of his strength, _Inner Hashirama said.

The tanuki was pushing Hikigaeru-sama back, snapping the trees behind him like toothpicks. I glanced back, and caught sight of Sakura, still trapped to a tree, unmoving. She was directly behind Hikigaeru-sama, and if he was pushed much farther, she, too, would be crushed.

I couldn't let that happen.

I gritted my teeth, glaring up at Gaara.

"I shall kill you. I will not cease to exist," he said.

I wanted to say something about that (_"You wouldn't cease to exist even if you didn't kill me."_) but I had to stop the tanuki monster. I stared at him hard, then closed my eyes and lowered my head slightly.

_Fox, my foxy resident, please help me...help me protect all these people...please..._

In my mind, there was warmth like the sun. _Of course he will. You know he's actually just a big ol' softie inside. Isn't that right, Kura?_

**_Silence, brat. I am a form of unequaled power and fury, and you dare to speak to me like this?_**

_Well...yes._

**_...you're lucky I'm behind these bars._**

_Yeah, yeah. I'll brush your fur later._

**_Impertinent... _**'Kura' grumbled.

Chakra filled me, ripping the sand from my ankles, snapping my hitai-ate and breaking the zipper on my sweatsuit.

_Was that really necessary? Eh, whatever, even if I wasn't wearing an undershirt, I still wouldn't have anything to get all maidenly about._

Chakra rose from my skin like smoke.

Gaara made a sign. "Die!"

"Not t'day!" I darted forward. I was right in front of him before the sand caught me, holding me still.

_I'll handle this, _Naruto said cheerfully. And just like that, he took me over - or he took himself over.

_Whoa. Weird, _I said. It was strange being the voice in someone's head.

Naruto looked Gaara straight in the eyes. "You shouldn't hold a lady captive, you know. It's not polite." And he slammed his forehead into Gaara's.

I winced. _There goes a few brain cells._

The tanuki shattered, collapsing in a pile of sand. As it fell, so did we.

And then Hikigaeru-sama, probably having reached his limit, disappeared in an explosion of smoke. It blew us even farther, and Naruto said reflectively, "Well, crap."

Luckily, he managed to land on a tree, so he wasn't too damaged. He was breathing pretty heavily, though.

But so was Gaara. He'd fallen on a tree as well. Hikigaeru-sama's sword was standing right between us.

_Huh. Weird coincidence, that, _I commented.

"Haven't...you...heard?" Naruto panted. He managed a grin. "There's no...such thing...as coincidences." He breathed out and looked at Gaara. "I haven't got any chakra left. You're the same, right?" His grin was small, but still there. "Just one more punch. Let's make this it, eh?"

Gaara said nothing. They scrutinized each other, blood dripping down both their foreheads.

_Wow. You're really racking up the suspense, eh? _I said.

Naruto chuckled.

Then they leapt.

* * *

**Madara**

* * *

I ignored the Third Hokage's shout.

**_You wouldn't._**

"I would. If you take Hashirama, I will find a way to call you back. And I will do everything in my power to make your life hell."

**_You...would dare...I am the Shinigami!_**

I sneered. "Ask me if I care. Go on, ask."

The Death God's face contorted.

There was yelling behind me. I didn't bother to look. "Well?"

**_For Kami's sa - fine! Take him! _**The Shinigami spat him at me.

I caught my Senju and smiled with satisfaction.

The Third Hokage fell. And his spirit was grasped by the Shinigami, in a hold that was surprisingly gentle. He noticed my gaze and said,** _Good men are a privilege to reap. Why not treat them with care?_**

My eyebrows rose. "Curious."

He gave me a pointed look.** _Do not expect this treatment when I take you._**

I scoffed. "Of course not."

He disappeared.

I turned my attention to Hashirama.

He looked back at me. "What just happened?"

"You were eaten by a Death God, and I aggravated him until he gave you back."

"...of course you did."

I gave him a wolfish smile. "You should know by now, Hashirama. We Uchiha always get what we want."

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

_Wow. When Naruto hits, he really hits._

He and Gaara were currently laying on the ground, unable to move.

Exhausted, Naruto mumbled, _Here's th' body back, 'C__h__ō__..._

_Wow. Gee. Thanks._ I flowed back into it, replacing Naruto. At once, I felt the heaviness of my limbs. I panted, my cheek pressed into the ground.

"...I will not cease to exist! I won't! I refuse!"

_Gaara. _I struggled to lift my head up.

_To them...I am now a relic of the past that they wish to erase and forget. So...for what purpose do I exist? Why am I alive?_ Gaara asked.

Haku's voice whispered into my mind, _And then it came to me...I knew what I was...And I was forced to accept it. That was the most painful thing...accepting that I was alone in the world...superfluous. Unwanted. Shunned..._

_Not to me, _Zabuza said.

_My boy, _Karura whispered.

_Dearest nephew, _Yashamaru murmured.

I fought to move, to at least crawl towards him.

"D...don't come near me!" Gaara sounded panicked.

My body was shaking as I kept my head lifted, looking at him. "You aren't unimportant. Your pain isn't trivial. I understand your hurt...it hurts to be alone...to feel like you might as well not exist, to try desperately to prove that you should..." I paused for breath. "...so let me tell you, you're alive, everyone is alive, because life is for anybody and everybody. And when I say everybody, I mean _everybody_. You, me, my neighbor, my neighbor's neighbor, that cat that likes to give everyone a chase on D-ranks, the random squirrels that you sometimes spot, the unknown people you see everywhere...these trees all around us, those bushes, that flower over there...Life is lived, and you don't just suddenly cease to exist. You live, Gaara. You're alive because you live." Now, try to beat that for obviousness.

"But why?" he whispered. "What do I live _for_?"

I thought about it. "Well...some people live for others...others live for themselves..." I smiled. "And some do both. Why not try living just for living?" I grinned at him hopefully. "Eh? Sound good?"

"...I could try that," he said slowly.

I beamed. "Lovely!"

* * *

Later, probably several minutes, I found myself staring at Sasuke's shoes, my cheek once again resting on the ground. I glanced up. "'Lo, Ouji."

He knelt down. "Sakura's safe. Gaara's used up all his chakra. The sand around Sakura has gone..."

I gave him a small smile that was probably more than a little loopy. "Good-O. My, you're looking fine today. All three a' you...ya'll change yer hair or somethin'?"

He paused. "...Naruto."

"Yeh."

"Go to sleep."

"'Kay." I promptly did so. Never let it be said that I don't listen to orders.

* * *

**Omake**

* * *

**Shinigami**

* * *

As I watched, I scoffed at the thought that _anyone,_ even an Uchiha, could force _**me**_ to do anything.

_**Make no mistake, Uchiha Madara. Someday, I **_**will _take Senju Hashirama, and you. There is no escape from Death._**

**_But for now...there's not much that can entertain the Shinigami. It will be amusing to see what happens._**

* * *

**End Omake**

* * *

**A/N**

**Shinchō - Prudence**

**Josei - Lady**

**Hikigaeru - Toad**

**Otōsan - Dad**

**Ouji - Prince**

**I wasn't quite sure how Madara was going to get Hashirama back from the Shinigami, but then I thought, _What if I make him mine? _So, I wrote a part in his P.O.V. and I've got to admit, he wasn't what I expected. I like him, though.**

**Now Madara's got Hashirama back and Gaara isn't a murderous Sandy Claws anymore. Next, ****Shinchō tells her teammates that she isn't quite...well, Naruto. And some familiar characters, one stoic and one of a fishy disposition, show up in Konoha.**

**(Last edit: 7/25/2015)**


	12. Brave

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, as I'm sure you've guessed from the last twelve disclaimers.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**So, here's the next chapter. Also, the last chapter got only two reviews. Should I cry?**

**Ha, but no, ignore my fretting. Just enjoy this new chapter. :)**

**And thanks to dragonlover89 and sagar hussain for their comments.**

* * *

_Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind._

\- Dr. Seuss

* * *

**Prelude**

* * *

It rained on the day of the Third Hokage's funeral. Some would say that it was fitting, but he deserved a bright blue sky and sunshine.

My ghosts were with me when I woke up. It was a shock to hear that the old man had died. But they said that he died with a smile on his face. At the funeral, Orochimaru-yūrei commented the same. "It's just like him," he said, cracking a smile.

After a while, it stopped raining, and I bid Iruka-sensei goodbye and jogged back to my team. We didn't have any assignments today, so after Kakashi-sensei went off to do his own thing, I suggested we go to the park. And then I got increasingly nervous as we walked there.

Sakura and Sasuke noticed, and eyed me as I gestured for them to sit down on the grass. At the park, of course. I didn't decide to just get it out halfway there.

"Naruto," Sasuke said bluntly, "what's wrong?"

"Well, uhh..." I glanced at my ghosts, who were watching me curiously, and with some slight concern. I looked back at my teammates and took a breath. "As you've probably noticed, I've got something to tell you. I'm...erm...how to say this..." I bit my lip.

Sakura was looking at me with concern. "Naruto, you know we'll help you and won't judge you, right? With anything that's troubling you?"

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Of course, but it's nice to hear."

"So what is it?" Sasuke prodded.

"Weelll...it's kinda hard to explain," I hedged.

"Just spit it out, child." Madara's patience had finally reached its end.

"I'm not actually Naruto," I blurted.

They stared at me. _Darnit, Maddy, this is your fault._

Inner Madara's voice drifted through my head. _Don't call me Maddy._

"What?" Sakura finally said.

"What do you mean by that, child?" Madara demanded.

"I'm not really Naruto."

"Explain," Sasuke demanded.

So I told them what happened at the cliff, with Hikigaeru-Sennin and my plummet and waking up in the mysterious sewers. Seeing the giant kitsune, then having to explain about the Kyuubi. Meeting the actual Naruto. I told them everything.

After I finished, I glanced at them nervously. They seemed shocked speechless, even Madara (_for once_). Itachi looked stunned as well.

I would've enjoyed it better if I hadn't been about to combust from nerves.

Finally, Sakura found her voice. "...so you're...a girl?"

I winced. "Uh...yeah?"

"Oh. I just thought you were gay," she admitted.

She surprised a laugh out of me, and Sasuke snorted, folding his arms across his chest. "I always knew you weren't normal."

Sakura snickered. "That's an understatement."

I stared, and marveled at how they were taking it so...so normally.

"What did you expect, Naruto?" Hashirama said gently. "They are your teammates, after all."

"As for us, we're dead." Madara snorted. Itachi smiled slightly.

"Oh, yeah, us dead people are judging you like hell," Obito proclaimed.

I jerked in surprise. _What the -?_ "Obito? When did you get here?" I asked, bewildered.

"Eh, I stayed and followed you when Kakashi left 'cause you were acting weird." He scratched his cheek sheepishly.

"Should we have alerted you to his presence?" Hashirama questioned.

I waved a hand. "Nah, it's fine."

I looked back at my teammates. They'd gotten the gist of what had happened thanks to my part of the conversation.

"Um, should we still be calling you Naruto?" Sakura wondered aloud.

I blinked at her, bemused. "Well, people would be pretty confused to hear you call me something else. Especially if you called me Shinchō."

"True," she conceded.

Sasuke stood up and stretched. "Is that what you were so worried about?"

"Uh . . . yeah?" I gave him a slightly incredulous look as Sakura and I stood up as well. "I think it's a very reasonable concern."

"Well, at least you think."

"No matter how much struggle or how long it takes the thought to eventually form."

He smirked. "Exactly."

I laughed and threw my arm around my two teammates.

And everything, it turned out, was all right...

"...Shinchō though? Really?"

...even after Obito ruined the mood...

"I guess you were going for a sense of irony, right?"

...and ruined it quite decisively.

"A kind of blatant sarcasm thing-"

"Obito."

"Shutting up now."

* * *

**Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

_Wake up, wake up  
The sun cannot wait for long  
Reach out, reach out  
Before it fades away  
You will find the warmth  
When you surrender  
Smile into the fear  
And let it play_

_You wanna run away, run away  
And you say that it can't be so  
You wanna look away, look away  
But you stay 'cause it's all so close  
When you stand up and hold out your hand  
In the face of what I don't understand  
My reason to be brave_

_Hold on, hold on so strong  
Time just carries on  
All that you thought was wrong  
Is pure again  
You can't hide forever from the thunder  
Look into the storm  
And feel the rain_

_\- Brave, _Josh Grobin

* * *

**General P.O.V.**

* * *

Kakashi, Rin and Obito were waiting for Sasuke at a dango shop, and it was one of those times when it was especially aggravating to be a ghost. "Uh, 'Kashi, there are some really suspicious characters in there." Obito pulled ineffectively at his sleeve.

"That's right, Obi. I'm sure if you just keep trying, he'll hear you eventually," Rin encouraged. "Despite the last two billion times that he didn't."

"Not helping, Rin!" Obito huffed.

Kakashi had spotted Asuma and Kurenai walking together and greeted them with, "Yo, you two are looking pretty chummy there . . . are you on a date?"

"Jeez, Kakashi, can't you see they're still bashful about it?" Rin cried.

"Yeah, 'Kashi. Be delicate with 'em, Asuma's shy."

"Exactly. You'll make him blush. You don't want to have him retreat into his inner shell, do you?" They snickered.

As he replied to Asuma's question of what he was doing there, Kakashi felt slightly like he was being made fun of, and thought he knew why. He wished, not for the first time, that he had Naruto's ability to see ghosts. It would make it easier to give retorts if he knew what he was giving a retort to.

There was a clink as one of the suspicious characters set his cup (presumably full of tea) back on the table they sat at. Obito glanced down at the sound, then squinted. "What the...is that nail polish?"

Rin's eyebrows rose. "Looks like someone's not afraid of their feminine side."

"But...it's Itachi."

"So?" She turned to the (_live_) Uchiha. "It's okay, Itachi. Embrace your feminine side. Be who you are."

"A missing-nin?" Obito deadpanned.

"No! A girly-man!" she exclaimed. They paused for a moment, then burst into laughter.

"Whoa, Kakashi-sensei...you showed up before me?" Sasuke noted, walking up to him.

Kakashi responded mildly, "Hey. I can be on time once in a while..."

Obito nodded solemnly. "It's rare, but it does happen. These days it's once every couple a' centuries..."

"He's improved," Rin proclaimed.

Itachi-yūrei drifted over, looking amused. Obito immediately wrapped his arms around him like an overly affectionate octopus. "Look, little cousin! It's you!" When they turned to look, however, the two missing-nin were nowhere to be seen. "Oh. You're gone."

"That's bad," added Rin.

"Should we have been keeping an eye on him?" Obito wondered aloud.

"Not at all. You were completely right to let a missing-nin- who is intent on getting his brother to hate him as much as possible to make him stronger- yes, you were quite right to let him out of your sight," Itachi-yūrei deadpanned.

Obito paused. "Oh. Well, that's good, then."

"You're an idiot," Itachi-yūrei replied.

"Yeah, you're an idiot," Rin agreed.

"Wha- hey! You weren't watching him, either!" Obito protested, pointing at her accusingly. She looked away, whistling innocently. Which was kind of weird when you thought about it. Sort of like ghosts getting nosebleeds. It didn't strictly make sense, but then, they were ghosts.

Kakashi gave a small signal, and Asuma and Kurenai suddenly disappeared.

"I think they're following you, Itty-bit," Obito said. Rin choked.

Itachi's usually calm face grew pained. "Cousin Obito, please refrain from using that knickname around me. Or anyone. Ever."

"But Itty-bit, it's so cute! Like you!"

"Yeah, Itty-bit," Rin echoed. "Exactly like you."

"You do realize that I am no longer your baby cousin?" Itachi said dryly.

"You do realize that Sasuke is no longer your baby brother?" Obito countered.

Itachi paused in what he was about to say.

"Exactly." The older Uchiha looked pleased. "And you'll always be my baby cousin."

"Bam," Rin added. "You just got logged, bro."

They looked at her.

"What?"

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

I slurped happily at my ramen. Naruto had suggested it, and I figured, why not.

Behind me, there was a rustle of cloth, then an amused voice spoke. "It's just as I had heard...you really do eat nothing but ramen, huh..."

"Hkgru-Snn?"

Madara gave me a look of disgust. "Swallow, child."

I did so, then spoke. "Hi, Hikigaeru-Sennin."

"Hey." Hikigaeru-Sennin moved to sit beside me. "That looks good. I think I'll have a bowl, too."

He ordered one, and we ate together. It was surprisingly...nice. Odd, how some people you've known for such a short time can feel like family.

* * *

**General P.O.V.**

* * *

Kakashi followed them. Good thing, too, because just in time, he stepped in front of Asuma to block an attack by Itachi's partner, a fishy guy with a big sword.

Asuma looked slightly amused, but relieved at the same time. Nonetheless, he asked, "Why are you here?"

"I know I asked you to do this for me..." said the shadow doppelganger on the bridge.

"But I guess I got a little worried," finished Kakashi, standing behind Itachi. Who also happened to be standing on the water.

"Kakashi..." Itachi murmured, turning. Their eyes met, two Sharingan on one.

"You know, you really are quite young..." Rin observed quietly.

"As are we all," Itachi-yūrei answered.

Obito nodded. "No age in the world is old enough for tragedy."

The girl who still looked thirteen years old smiled. "True."

There was silence for a moment between the ghosts.

"...okay, that just got depressing," Rin finally said. "Subject change time!"

Obito nodded, expression relieved. Then he noticed the live people. "Oh, hey, were they talking all this time?"

"Shark Dude is looking intense," Rin noted.

"His name is Hoshigaki Kisame," Itachi-yūrei corrected.

"He has fish eyes. And gills. And he's blue," Obito stated.

"I see your eyes are still working."

"Eyes after death?" Obito mused.

"I wonder if he has a fishy outlook on life."

They turned to stare at Rin. She noticed. "What?" she defended.

Slowly, Obito shook his head. "You were such a sweet, normal girl. What changed?"

"Uh, lessee, my life?" she suggested. "Plus, I've spent some ten-odd years with you. And odd they were. That's bound to make anyone a little bit crazy. I'm of the theory that your crazy met what little there was of mine and made it grow. So, really, it's your fault if I'm totally loony."

Obito's protest was lost in the sound of Kakashi's watery defense against Itachi's attack. He managed to block it, but then Itachi was behind him, sticking a kunai into his back.

"A shadow doppelganger?" Kurenai exclaimed. "He's superhuman!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm supernatural!" Obito said proudly.

Itachi-yūrei raised an eyebrow at him while Rin muttered, "You're super something, alright."

"Super...awesome?"

"Right. Let's go with that," she said blandly.

Kakashi turned to water.

"Oh no!" Rin gasped. "He's melting! Meeelllttiiing!"

Obito eyed her, inching away. "Uh, yeah. That would be his shadow doppelganger turning back to water."

She shot him a disdainful look. "I know. Jeesh, you think I'm stupid? Don't answer that." She sniffed, turning away.

"I wasn't gonna." Obito whispered to Itachi-yūrei, "I like my jewels right where they are. As in, attached to me."

"I heard that."

The older Uchiha 'eep'ed. "Yes'm."

Water blasted everywhere as Itachi's shadow doppelganger near Kurenai exploded. Luckily, Kakashi managed to get in front of her in time, shielding her. Asuma shouted their names, jumping from the bridge. He landed near Kakashi and Kurenai. "Don't let your guard down," Kakashi grunted, looking distinctly battered. "He's someone who rose to Black Ops Squad Commander by the time he was thirteen."

Asuma muttered, "I can't believe he's this good..."

"No, actually, he's better. He hasn't even begun to show his true strength."

"Shit," Obito worried. "'Kashi's looking stressed."

Rin didn't even bother to protest his swearing.

Itachi was silent. He could do nothing. He was but a watcher, a quiet observer, not to be seen, heard, or felt by the living. Unable to comfort, attack, protect...

How...frustrating.

"Do you know why the Uchiha clan has been lauded and feared as the most powerful?" Itachi asked, closing his eyes. "Let me show you...my clan's true strength!" He opened them.

"Oh, fuck," Obito said.

Kakashi jolted. "You two, don't look him in the eye!" he barked at Kurenai and Asuma. They immediately shut their eyes. He shut only his right eye.

"Baka 'Kashi!" Obito yelled. "Close both of 'em!"

"Listen closely, both of you, do not open your eyes no matter what," Kakashi commanded. "If you meet eyes with him right now, you'll be finished. Only another Sharingan can handle him now."

"Not like that, 'Kashi," Obito said weakly.

"If one possesses the Sharingan," Itachi began, sounding slightly meditative, "one can resist the Mangekyo to some extent. But -you- cannot break this special Sharingan jutsu...Tsukuyomi, the nightmare realm. Only someone with kekkei genkai and a Sharingan can stop me!"

Kakashi realized, "Sasuke..."

Itachi activated the Tsukuyomi.

In a last-ditch effort, Obito dove in front of Kakashi, but as neither could see him, it didn't work. What did work, however, as he stared him straight in those Mangekyo eyes of his...

Kakashi found himself trapped to a pillar in the shape of a cross, held there by kunai stabbing through his hands and feet. He was surrounded by Itachis. They all held swords.

But...there was another man. One with short, spiky black hair, scars all along the right side of his face, one eye, and a confounded look on his face. That is, until a familiar grin crossed it. "Oh, hey! Cool!" Then he looked at Kakashi, stuck to a pillar, and the Itachis all around them, and concluded, "Okay, not cool." He squinted at an Itachi and added, "Really not cool, baby cousin."

"Obito?" Kakashi blurted out. Sure, he'd known from Naruto that Obito was there, but to actually see him...

"Hey, Baka 'Kashi. Ow! Rin!" he whined, upon being hit upside his head.

Upon seeing Obito disappear, Rin had decided to try the same thing.

"Not the ideal reunion greeting, Obi!" she hissed.

"For that matter, not the ideal reunion setting," observed the calm voice of Itachi. Except this one didn't have a sword.

Rin paused. "Is that correct grammar we're using?"

"What are you doing here?" interrupted Itachi.

Obito sent him a frown. "What do you think we're doing, little cousin?"

"You are not supposed to be here."

"Save yourself the inquiry and let me simply state that no, we're not, but yes, we are, and we have no intention of leaving until you release this man," Itachi-yūrei stated.

"And we won't allow you to hurt him until then," Rin said fiercely.

"Yeah. 'Till then," Obito repeated. "And maybe after, if we find something to do about our incorporeality."

"Ooh, I didn't know you knew you that word." She turned to Kakashi, and didn't hesitate as she pulled the kunai from his flesh, making him gasp.

Obito caught him when he fell from the stone cross. "Easy there, buddy."

Kakashi didn't dare close his eyes, but he let Obito hold him up for a moment before straightening.

The older Uchiha let his hands linger, hovering near, just in case.

"Ya know," Rin said conversationally, "if this wasn't so serious, I would say something about how I just realized I now totally sail on this ship."

"What?" Obito gave her a bewildered look.

"Yeah, dude. I went there. And I'm not coming back," she said smugly. She ignored his confused expression.

"No matter what," Itachi-yūrei mused, "it always turns into a comedy sketch."

"Very well," Itachi finally said. "Let's see how you fare against an infinite number of myself for three days."

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

"And then it caught on fire, so then Hashirama said-"

"Wait," Hikigaeru-Sennin interrupted. "Hashirama?"

"Uh..."

He raised his eyebrows. "This wouldn't be the First Hokage Hashirama, would it?"

"Er..."

"What is it you younglings say nowadays?" Madara mused. "'Busted'?"

"Ugh, 'nowadays'?" I muttered. "You're so old, Maddy."

"Don't call me-"

"'Maddy'?"

I blinked. "Whoa. You totally knew what he was about to say."

Orochimaru-yūrei snorted. "It was a question, idiotic child."

"Aand, now there are two of them," I said to no one in particular.

* * *

**General P.O.V.**

* * *

Kakashi was panting, but he managed to stay on his feet. Three days in a nightmare realm would do that to you.

Itachi was beathing heavily, too, but he wasn't as bad as Kakashi. Infinite was, after all, infinite, and there were only four of them.

"What's wrong, Kakashi?" Kurenai demanded.

"Keep your eyes shut," he snapped.

"What's going on?" Asuma asked.

"Tell me, Kakashi," Itachi said quietly, "what was that?"

The silver-haired Jounin dredged up a grin. "Ghosts."

Kisame sent his partner a curious look.

"Now you tell me, Itachi..." Kakashi tried not to let show how exhausted he was. Getting stabbed was not fun. "The thing you seek...is it Sasuke?"

"Damn, he's not looking too good," Obito fretted.

Itachi scrutinized him. "No...the legacy of the Fourth Hokage..."

_Naruto._

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

I sneezed. I blinked and sniffled. "...and that's why you should never let Madara in the kitchen," I finished thickly.

Hikigaeru-Sennin handed me a handkerchief. "You better not be coming down with a cold, brat."

Orochimaru-yūrei scoffed. "I sincerely doubt her nine-tailed inmate would allow that."

"The Snage just gave a scathing reply to that about my Snooky Furrums." I wiped my nose.

Hikigaeru-Sennin looked amused. "The Snage?"

_**Snooky Furrums? **_came the outraged howl in my mind, combined with the hysterical laughter from my other half.

"Child, you will take that cloth, and you will burn it," Madara said flatly.

I glanced down at my handkerchief, then at him. "I swear, Madara, you're such a pyromaniac."

"Now, now, Naruto. Just because he likes to set things on fire doesn't mean..." Hashirama trailed off.

"I am beleaguered by comedy sketches," Orochimaru-yūrei muttered.

Madara scoffed.

"You know nothing of comedy sketches, Snage," I said seriously. "My life is a comedy sketch." I paused and added, "Except when it's not."

* * *

**General**

* * *

"The Fourth Hokage's...legacy, eh..." Kakashi spoke roughly. Asuma and Kurenai jolted.

"Who are these guys?" Kurenai asked. And how did they know about Minato's legacy?

The only reply was the rustle of trees as the wind blew.

"You seek the nine-tailed fox inside of Naruto?"

Rin studied Kakashi with a medic's sight. "This isn't good. He's exhausted."

Kakashi plunged on. "You're not the only ones, are you? I...know all about you...you call yourselves the Akatsuki?"

"'Red Dawn'?" Obito noted, "That explains their outfits."

Itachi spoke. "Kisame...change of plans: we're taking Kakashi with us. Make the other two disappear."

Just like that, the shark man was dashing at them, sword in hand.

"Oh, sh-"

A green blur, a leg thrust out of nowhere, and he was flying across the water.

"-i..." Obito blinked. "Oh. Never mind."

"Oh, yeah!" Rin cheered. "Go, Gai! I knew I liked your eyebrows for a reason!"

Obito gave her an incredulous look. "What?"

She shrugged. "They're sexy."

Even Itachi-yūrei's own eyebrows shot up at that.

"Who are you?" Kisame growled.

"Konoha's noble Blue Beast...Maito Gai!" Gai stood in front of the three Jounin in all his green, spandexed glory, and never had their been a more welcome sight.

At the name, Kisame bared his sharp teeth in what might have been a grin. "What do we have here? The leaf village's fiercest beast of battle?"

"Do not underestimate him," Itachi cautioned.

"That's right! Flee! Cower! Fear those eyebrows of might!" Rin called gleefully. Obito inched away.

"Have you considered you may be a bit obsessed?" Itachi-yūrei asked mildly.

She looked at him incredulously. "You can talk, Big Brother Complex-san."

Obito whistled. "Burn."

It was then that Kakashi allowed himself to collapse, falling through Obito as he automatically tried to catch him. Gai immediately knelt to pick up the fallen silver-haired man before he drowned.

"Don't look Itachi in the eye! He'll snare you with his jutsu!" Asuma warned, his own eyes still shut.

"You don't have to tell me the obvious," Gai responded. "I've already mastered counter-Sharingan battle techniques from all my bouts with Kakashi!"

"Ooh, 'battle techniques,' 'bouts,' tell me more," Rin joked to keep Obito's mind off of the fact that he couldn't stop his best friend from going down.

Itachi calmly returned Gai's stare as the Blue Beast ordered, "Open your eyes, both of you."

Itachi-yūrei ignored the others to focus on Obito. "You couldn't have done anything. Remember, we are ghosts, cousin."

"How could I forget?" Obito asked sardonically.

Rin coughed. "You're kinda bad at this comforting, aren't you, Itty-bit?"

"I will exorcise you if you ever call me that again," he replied mildly.

Asuma was asking, "What's the plan?"

"Kurenai! Get Kakashi to the medics!" Gai handed over the silver-haired shinobi. "Asuma, you're going to be backing me up." He straightened, settling into a stance. "All we need to do is buy some time...until the ANBU Black Ops reinforcements that I requisitioned arrive!"

Kisame grinned, lifting his sword. "Ya got guts."

His anticipation, however, was cut short when Itachi stated, "Kisame...I'm calling it off. We didn't come here to start a war...tempting as it is, this is not the way to do this...let's go."

Kisame scowled and humphed, settling his sword back on his back. "They don't know how lucky they are..."

"Yeah. We're so unappreciative," Obito said blandly.

"Congratulations, Obito. You just used a big word."

The two missing-nin vanished.

Itachi-yūrei glanced at the two other ghosts. "I must get back to Sasuke. In the meantime, cousin, stop sulking."

Obito pouted, folding his arms across his chest. "Don't wanna. Rin was mean to me."

"I see. I believe I will go back to my less childish relation now."

The older Uchiha threw his hands in the air. "Everyone's against me!"

Itachi gazed away blandly. Rin averted her eyes and started whistling.

"You could at least bother to deny it!"

* * *

**Omake**

* * *

**Shinchō**

* * *

I paused. "Why do I feel sort of deprived?"

Madara raised an eyebrow. "Deprived of what?"

"Well...it doesn't really make any sense...it's just a weird feeling I get," I hedged.

"Just tell me, child," he said impatiently. "What do you feel deprived of?"

"Chapter appearance."

He paused and gave me a look that said _'you make no sense'_.

"Hey, I warned you, bro."

* * *

**End Omake**

* * *

**A/N**

**Yūrei - ghost**

**Shinchō - Prudence**

**Hikigaeru - Toad**

**Sennin - Sage**

**(EDIT: Thanks to usaginekohime for correcting me on the word for 'ghost'. No idea where I got the other word from.)**

**I just couldn't let Kakashi get all beaten up without any ghostly help.**

**So, hope you liked the chapter. Happy days, guys. :^)**

**(Edit: 6/23/2015)**

**(Edit: 6/24/2015)**


	13. In Memoriam

**Disclaimer: As I'm sure you've all guessed by now, I don't own Naruto.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Heey, guys! Gosh, it's been a while since I've updated, huh? Sorry about that. Once I saw all the amazing reviews I'd gotten on the last chapter, I wanted to start writing right away. Unfortunately, I haven't been feeling very well, which is why it took so long for this to come out.**

**But let's get back to those amazing reviews. Seriously, you readers are the best, and I love you bunches! Thanks go to anyone who followed, favorited, reviewed, or even liked this story enough to continue reading past the first chapter. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well. :)**

(_General perspective_)

* * *

_O days and hours, your work is this  
To hold me from my proper place,  
A little while from his embrace,  
For fuller gain of after bliss;_

_That out of distance might ensue  
Desire of nearness doubly sweet;  
And unto meeting when we meet,  
Delight a hundredfold accrue,_

_For every grain of sand that runs,  
And every span of shade that steals,  
And every kiss of toothed wheels,  
And all the courses of the suns._

_ \- _Alfred, Lord Tennyson,_ In Memoriam A.H.H._

* * *

I was walking beside the Hikigaeru Sennin, looking up at him with raised eyebrows. "And why do you need me along with you while you do your 'research'?" Along with the quotation marks came a pointed cough.

"This is no ordinary research jaunt, you know," Hikigaeru-Sennin said. "There's a particular woman I want to cover, so we need to find her. And what was with that cough, anyway? Got something in your throat?"

"Something like that. But anyway, I'm not sure I can go with you. I have got to train, you know," I reminded him.

"...well...I know this real cool jutsu that I could teach you."

In my head, Naruto perked up at that, and Orochimaru-yûrei glanced up with slight interest.

I eyed him consideringly. "What cool jutsu?"

"You'll have to come with me if you want to find out," he said cheerfully.

_Let's go, 'C__hō__! _Naruto cheered.

I shrugged and smiled. "Alright. Are we going now? 'Cause I'll need to pack a few things."

"Yep. Go get your stuff, kid."

"Right on, old dude."

"Hey, I'm not that old!" he protested.

I snickered and went to go pack some stuff.

* * *

_And we'll need that and that and- ooh! That, too! Don't forget that! And-_

"Naruto."

_Yeah?_

"Do you want me to be able to carry this bag or not?"

_Well . . ._

"Yes, you do."

_Okay._

* * *

I met the Hikigaeru Sennin at the front gates. "Right, then. Let's go, eh?"

* * *

**Later**

* * *

"So, what kind of jutsu are you going to teach me this time, old dude?"

That last 'old dude' seemed to strike a cord in him. He scowled down at me. "Hey...you really don't know how distinguished I am, do you? Listen up..." He struck some kind of weird pose. "The Hikigaeru Sennin is just an alias! But no more disguises! North, South, West, East! I am the toad master, the white-haired prodigal son, one of the three great shinobi! A ladies' man that can hush even a crying child! 'Jiraiya-sama,' that's me!"

"Oh, Kami," Madara muttered. Hashirama smothered a snicker.

I stared at 'Jiraiya-sama'. "...huh," I finally said, somewhat doubtfully.

Orochimaru-yûrei chortled. "Looks like someone's not impressed with you, eh, Jiraiya?"

I took pity on him and patted the Hikigaeru Sennin's arm somewhat awkwardly. "Er...I'm sure you're just as...distinguished...as you say."

He stared at me.

I took his arm. "Come along, now."

"I think you've broken him, child," Madara commented.

(_Jiraiya, meanwhile, just followed the mini Minato and felt like an old man being led across the street by a young'un. He mourned for his youth._)

* * *

**Third Person P.O.V.**

**Sasuke**

* * *

Sasuke stood in a rather damaged area, panting, and remembering that feeling of...of uselessness. Against Gaara, he'd done practically nothing. It had all been Naruto. He- she- kept getting stronger and stronger, while he...felt like he had to run to keep ahead, and even that slight distance was diminishing. No, maybe it had already diminished...completely.

When he watched him, he could tell that he- she- had some massive power hidden inside. Sometimes, he even felt afraid. He quickly dismissed that feeling, however, when that bright smile and those blue eyes (_the color of safety_) were turned on him.

That he needed protection was...not laughable. And that irked. That irked badly.

He needed to get stronger, but he didn't know how. And that irked even more. Everything was irking lately.

* * *

**Obito**

* * *

The three shinobi, Asuma, Gai and Kurenai, were gathered around Kakashi's beside. Gai was commenting upon the missing-nins' behavior, and how it didn't seem like they'd found Naruto yet.

Obito was by the windowsill, comforting Misutā-Ukki. "Don't worry, I'm sure Daddy'll be up soon. He'll be right as rain in no time!"

"Yes, so don't worry your leafy little head about it," Rin added.

The plant had nothing to say about that, but Obito was certain it felt suitably assured.

Rin noticed Gai shushing his companions, and she nudged Obito. A moment later, Sasuke opened the door. "Kakashi..." He stopped. "...why's Kakashi-sensei bedridden? And what are all you Jounin doing here...what the heck's going on?"

"Oh...nothing, really..." Gai hedged.

And then a shinobi burst through the door. "Is it true that Itachi showed up in town?! And that he's after Naruto..." He noticed Sasuke standing there. "...oh!"

"Idiot," Kurenai muttered.

Gai covered his face with one hand. "Gah..."

Obito took from look at Sasuke's expression and said, "Oh, shit."

"Double that, bro," Rin agreed as Sasuke suddenly turned, shoving past the shinobi, presumably to go find Naruto.

"Why does it always have to be like this," Gai complained, sprinting after the young Uchiha. Obito and Rin, meanwhile, after one last glance at Kakashi, were already gone.

* * *

Sasuke went to Naruto's favorite ramen shop first. After getting information there, he rushed off again with three concerned ghosts following after him.

* * *

**First Person**

**Shinchō**

* * *

I glanced around the city Hikigaeru Sennin had taken me to. The street sign said: Fun Fun Avenue.

I exchanged a look with my ghosts.

"If you wish to, now is the time to leave, child," Madara told me flatly.

"Naruto," Hikigaeru-Sennin called to me. "We're going to stay here tonight!" It was then that he noticed something, and I turned to see.

A beautiful woman with long dark hair and a sleeveless black dress caught Hikigaeru-Sennin looking. She winked.

"Naruto!" Hikigaeru-Sennin suddenly turned to me, grabbing my hand. "Here, here's our room key! Go up to the room and practice manipulating chakra!"

"What?" I managed. "You're just gonna...you can't just leave me here!"

"Naruto." He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me solemnly. "You understand what a man's duty is, right?"

_Well-_

"Good!" He went off.

"Perverted fool," Orochimaru-yûrei muttered.

Madara scowled. "Irresponsible kook."

Hashirama frowned. "Careless caretaker."

"Silly frog. At least he's got good taste."

They looked at me. I shrugged. "What? She was pretty."

Orochimaru-yûrei rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Let's go to the room."

We started walking, Madara muttering, "Children, no idea how to foster a good grudge nowadays..."

We all very tactfully did not mention a very specific history event instigated by a certain wild-haired Uchiha.

Once we found our room, I set down my bag on one of the beds and took off my shoes. I then sat on the bed cross-legged and set about doing as the Toad Sage said. It wasn't long, however, before there was a knock at the door.

Madara sneered. "Back already?" The words 'Rejected already?' hung in the air.

I gave him a chiding look and stood, padding over to the door. I unlocked it and turned the knob, glancing up, expecting to see the tall form and sheepish face of my teacher.

Instead, I stared up at Uchiha Itachi.

"Child? What..." Madara saw the missing-nin standing there and shut his mouth.

"Oh, dear," Hashirama said quietly.

"This is quite a twist," Orochimaru-yûrei mused.

_I'm guessing this is...bad? _Naruto said uncertainly

Itachi gazed down at me with impassive, swirling Sharingan-red eyes.

_Definitely bad, _I decided.

Beside him, Shisui waved. "Hi, Naruto."

_Bad time, Shisui._

It was then that another man, wearing the same cloud-patterned cloak as Itachi, came to my attention as he remarked, "Hard to believe that such a child carries the Nine-Tails..."

He was blue. And he had gills. The thing that I blurted out, however, was, "My God, you're tall!"

Shisui choked on a laugh. "Don't ever change, Naruto."

Meanwhile, the two missing-nin stared down at me. I shifted uncomfortably. "...sorry."

Finally, Itachi slid back. "Why don't you step out of the room...?"

_Oh, I don't know, maybe because there are two missing-nin out there?_

I didn't say that, however. I just swallowed and did as he said.

Once I did that, the shark-man examined me a moment. "Hmm...Itachi...it would be bothersome to have him wandering off..." He lifted a hand to grip the handle of the sword on his back. "Perhaps we should cut off one of his legs or something..."

My eyes widened. "I'd rather you not," I quavered.

Itachi said nothing, as did Shisui, though he looked rather more fretful than his live cousin.

"Well then..." mused the shark-man.

Finally, Itachi spoke. "Long time no see...Sasuke."

My gaze shot to the person standing behind them. Why had I not noticed him before?

"Itachi..." Sasuke uttered the name with loathing. Beside him, Itachi-yûrei moved as if to hold him back.

* * *

Elsewhere, two ghosts were panicking. "We lost him!" Rin cried.

"And Itachi didn't bother to help us keep up with him!" Obito raised his fist to shake it at the sky. "Darn it, little cousin! When we find you, we are going to _have words_!"

* * *

"My, my...today truly is an unusual day indeed," Shark-Guy remarked. "To be able to see...other Sharingan not just once, but twice."

Indeed, Sasuke's eyes swirled red. He paid no attention to the shark-man, focused solely on Itachi. "I will kill you!"

After that dramatic announcement, there was a pause. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't think of anything. I fretted.

"Well...Sharingan. And he looks an awful lot like you..." Shark- Fuka- observed. "Who is that kid, Itachi?"

I had the feeling he either really didn't know, or he did and just wanted Itachi to say it out loud.

"He's...my brother," Itachi acknowledged.

"...that's funny, 'cuz the whole Uchiha clan was wiped out, the way I heard it...by you."

I gaped. _Holy cheeses, no wonder Itachi didn't want me to tell Sasuke about him!_

Shisui commented, "Wow, he just put it right out there."

At last, Itachi turned around to face his little brother. The longer they stared at each other, the worse the dread I felt got.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Just as you told me to...I've resented and hated you...and lived solely..." There came the sound of birds chirping as he lifted his arm, lightning crackling. "..._to kill you!_"

I cringed as the Chidori destroyed the walls as he ran at Itachi._ No, Sasuke, gaw, think of the property damage!_

Yes, I get concerned with things like that at the oddest times.

Just as Sasuke reached his brother, Itachi caught his arm and held it. The crackle of lightning slowly faded. They stood there a moment, looking at each other.

Then Itachi-yûrei snapped, "Naruto!"

I realized that I should probably do something. I summoned up some chakra, making the signs for summoning, and as I did I heard Sasuke begin, "You..."

"You're in the way," Itachi murmured. There came a crack from the wrist he was gripping, and Sasuke cried out, falling to the floor.

Shisui and Itachi-yûrei cried out while my eyes widened, and I think something in me went a little crazy, but I was finally on the last sign.

And then Fuka said, "Too slow," and slashed his sword through my chakra.

And suddenly it was gone. My chakra, not the sword. Because that's _just my luck_.

"The heck?" I muttered.

Shisui grimaced. "Crap. His sword."

Fuka explained, "My Samehada cuts through...and devours chakra, too!" He peered down at me. "We don't need this kid whipping out any more jutsu," he mused. "Forget the legs. Maybe I should start with those arms." He hefted his sword.

Hashirama and Madara moved in front of me, to shield me, even though they couldn't. I had just enough time to think _Aw, such sweeties_ and _Oh, cra-_

Then Samehada's descent was blocked by a toad bigger than I was, with arm guards that effectively stopped my eminent demise. Or at least, my eminent loss of limbs.

"Finally!" Madara snarled.

Behind me, I heard the Hikigaeru Sennin's voice. "You don't know me at all. You should have done your homework...the Toad Sage Jiraiya falls victim to no woman's charms. Beauties drop for me like blossoms in a storm!"

Over Orochimaru-yûrei's mutter of, "Oh, please," I had a sudden vision of the Hikigaeru Sennin, surrounded by the dead bodies of young women. Probably killed by his overwhelming 'charm', quote unquote. Quote unquote hard. _The most quotiest unquote ever, _I thought, slightly delirious with relief.

"A man like me isn't wired to just blindly follow a woman like a dog!" Hikigaeru-Sennin proclaimed. "When you get to my level, the women are the ones who writhe at my charm!"

That brought an image to mind that wasn't pleasant at all. "Ugh, Jiraiya-sensei, did you really have to phrase it like that? There are children here, you know!" I whined.

He looked affronted. "You're a male!"

_Not quite. _"So?"

"So take it like a man! You're ruining the atmosphere I've created!"

Naruto surfaced. "You mean your pervy atmosphere?" He sniffed, unimpressed. "I guess it fits. A pervy atmosphere for a pervy sage."

"_What?_"

Shisui cackled.

Fuka interrupted before our argument could really get going. "Ah, Jiraiya-sama, touted as one of the legendary three great shinobi. No matter how much of an unrivaled woman-chaser you are, I didn't think our delaying tactic would succeed that easily, but..."

"He's caught onto you, Hikigaeru-Sennin," I said, a little absently once I finally noticed the woman thrown over Hikigaeru-Sennin's shoulder. She was the lady from earlier. The 'delaying tactic' I presumed.

"It seems you've undone the genjutsu we placed on that woman," Fuka noted.

_Genjutsu?_

"Placing a Saimingan genjutsu on a woman to separate me from Naruto...what kind of coward would do something like that?" The growl in Jiraiya-sensei's voice was at odds with the careful way he handled the woman, gently setting her down so that she leaned against the wall.

I softened. _He's really not so bad, you know._

Naruto hummed. _I guess not._

Hikigaeru-Sennin looked up then, and his normally jovial face was grim as he faced the two missing-nin. "I know he's the one you're really after."

I blinked. _Wait, what?_

"This is...not good," Madara observed.

"Very not good," Hashirama agreed.

"Very, very not good." Shisui nodded.

I looked at them. _Gawsh, you mean this isn't, in fact, a tea party with biscuits and tasty little cakes and tiny cups to drink from? Say it ain't so!_

There was a pause in my mind.

_Sorry. I get sarcastic when I'm tense._

_No kidding, _Naruto said.

"Now I know how Kakashi knew," Itachi said. "I see...so you were his informant."

_Kakashi-sensei? Shoot, what happened to 'im?_

"Kakashi is alright, Naruto," Itachi-yûrei assured me. "Obito will be able to tell you the details later."

I breathed easier. That is, until live-Itachi said, "To take Naruto with us...is the supreme order given unto us by the Akatsuki."

_The Aka-whatnow? And did he just say 'unto'? How old _is_ he? Older than Hikigaeru-Sennin? Older than Madara? Older than dirt?_

The big toad in front of me suddenly disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Sharky lowered his sword, which I was glad for. Behind me, Hikigaeru-Sennin spoke. "Sorry, can't give you Naruto." And thus he earned Madara and Hashirama's seal of approval.

Itachi looked at him impassively. "Really..." It was clear he wasn't about to accept that and let it- _me-_ go.

"Fine, just as well..." Hikigaeru-Sennin mused. "I'll just take care of the two of you right here."

Then we heard someone speak.

"Stay out of this..."

_Ouji?_

Sasuke slowly stood up, his body shaking. "The only one who'll do any eliminating...is me...!"

I gaped. _Uh, dude, that is not a good idea. For one thing, he's your brother, for another, you can barely stand, and lastly, isn't your wrist broken, man?_

Madara frowned. "Don't be foolish, child. Even I did not fight unaided in battle."

"Man was not formed to live alone," Hashirama murmured.

_Aw, Maddy, Hashi..._

Itachi looked down upon his little brother. "Go away...I have absolutely no interest in you." He dismissed him.

I could feel both Naruto and I wince. _Ouch, burn..._

And then, just because that wasn't enough, Itachi kicked him into a wall. Sasuke cried out and I called out his name, which didn't do much except make more noise. I started forward, perhaps a little stupidly, but that's what friends do. Be stupid for each other.

But Sasuke opened his eyes and snapped, "Naruto! Don't butt in! Mind your own business!"

"What?" My eyes widened, then narrowed. "You _are_ my business, you...duck!"

He stopped for a moment. It didn't last, though. "This is my fight!"

"Then it's my fight as well!" I said, exasperated. "Jeez, Ouji, am I not your friend? Don't answer that. Yes, I am. And your battles are my battles. If this was anyone else, I would still be here. Because we're friends, and friends intrude in personal space and personal business and make it their personal business, too. So as your friend, I'm here to fight with you and probably annoy the hell out of you by doing so, but I probably annoy the hell out of a lot of people, so that won't stop me."

_Nice speech,_ Naruto told me.

"How touching," Fuka mocked. I ignored him, glaring at Sasuke. Who was wounded, and made me feel kind of guilty for berating him, but that wasn't the point.

Sasuke looked like he didn't know what to think. (_Because on the one hand, whenever he'd imagined fighting Itachi, he had always been alone. On the other, there was Naruto, so loyal and fierce, and such a rock in swirling waters..._)

Itachi's eyes flickered from me to Sasuke. After a moment of thought, he walked over to Sasuke. (_Such a burning look in your eyes, now clear if a little confused, all because of one golden child...should I destroy that clarity? Shall I fan the flames of your ambition into a fire that sears the hand of friendship and brands revenge in your mind, into your very soul? Solitary is the life of an Uchiha. And yet...there is that child...and several choices to make._)

(_One to increase hate, one to increase love. Shall we leave them hand-in-hand? Or torn apart?_)

* * *

**Gen P.O.V.**

* * *

Itachi knelt and pressed his hand into his little brother's shoulder. "You are weak," Itachi murmured. "You won't beat me. Not like this."

Sasuke gritted his teeth and met his eyes. Perhaps a little unwise, that, because at that moment, Itachi revealed the Mangekyo Sharingan.

Sasuke found himself back in the Uchiha compound. And there was Itachi, with Mother and Father, and a knife. Itachi's voice echoed in his head. "For the next twenty-four hours...relive that day." He swung the knife.

Sasuke screamed.

Outside, both Naruto and Shinchō yelled together, "That's enough! Stop! Itachi!"

Itachi-yûrei pushed himself between him and Sasuke, not that either of them felt it, and looked into his own eyes. Just as with Kakashi, he was suddenly in that terrorscape. He hid himself until something in the outside world made the live Itachi retreat from that nightmare world, then he stepped out.

"Sasuke." Hands reached out, covering Sasuke's eyes and the anguish in them. "Don't look. You need not watch this, little brother."

"Why are you saying this?" Sasuke whispered. "You are the one who..."

"I know, otouto. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Sasuke cried, shoving away the hands and shooting upright. "You killed them! You killed them all! And you're letting me watch it happen over and over and over again!" His red Sharingan eyes burned. "I'll kill you."

"As sorry as I am to interrupt this little family drama," a deep voice drawled, "I feel I must step in." A man stood there, with wild black hair and dark Uchiha eyes.

"Have you been watching TV again, Madara?" asked the man beside him. This man's dark hair, unlike Madara's, was straight. It was just as long, though.

"It's those shows Naruto leaves it on. It's not like I can change the channel myself," 'Madara' grumbled.

"Madara," Itachi-yurei murmured. "Hashirama."

Sasuke stared at them. "Are you...Naruto's ghosts?"

Hashirama smiled at him. "Indeed we are. And so is Itachi."

"What? But..." Sasuke shot a confused look at Itachi-yûrei. "Itachi..."

Madara grunted and patted the boy on the head. He reminded him a bit of Izuna when he was that age. "Naruto will explain it when we get out of this thing."

Hashirama nodded. "She's the one who told us to come here when she realized we could."

Madara snorted. "Impertinent child, ordering us around...'Prudence' suits her not at all."

Sasuke couldn't help but agree.

"Hey, guys! Is this invitations-only, or can anyone join the party?"

The expression on Madara's face was not joyful. "You."

Shisui grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. "Your enthusiasm flatters me, Maddy-pie." There was a pause. Then a scream. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't ever do it again! _I'm sorryyyyy_!"

Itachi mused that it was going to be a long twenty-four hours.

* * *

**Omake**

* * *

Outside, Orochimaru-yûrei muttered, "I would not wish to be in there." He paused, because he was Orochimaru. "On second thought, perhaps there is some experimentation to be done..."

Meanwhile, as Orochimaru was musing to himself, Jiraiya was saving the day with a Super Special Awesome jutsu. Unfortunately, Itachi and Kisame escaped when Itachi used an equally Super Special Awesome jutsu called Tiramisu. Or something like that.

Orochimaru really started regretting the impulse to stay when Gai jumped in with a shout of "Dynamic entry!" It got better when Gai accidentally kicked Jiraiya in the face, though.

While that was going on, Shinchō was lamenting the missing-nins' escape. "Darn!" She punched her fist into her other hand. "We'll get those scoundrels next time! Believe it, dammit!"

_I'll believe, _Naruto volunteered.

"You don't count. You're just my schizophrenia talking."

And with that conceivably calm acceptance, she was sane again...

_Not._

* * *

**A/N**

**Yûrei - ghost**

**Misutā - Mister**

**Shinchō - Prudence**

**Fuka - Shark**

**Ouji - Prince**

**Super Special Awesome - reference - Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged version, by LittleKuriboh**

**Tiramisu - an Italian dessert**

**My gosh, over one hundred reviews! I could cry from sheer happiness. Instead, though, how about I give you some smiles? I've certainly got enough of those. (.'^D)**

**Also, I thought of putting a Calvin and Hobbes reference somewhere in the Omake ("I'll crush their pitiful dreams and ambitions like bugs in the dust!") but then decided, _Eh . . . there's already one reference. Do I really want another? Well, possibly . . . meh . . ._**

**And now, I'm going to be replying to some reviews.**

**To FlightfootKeyseeker: Itachi only looked like he wasn't fazed. On the inside, though, I'm sure he was at least a little startled and confused. And Team Mostly Dead quite probably did talk a bit, traded a few quips, but not too much, because they were busy fighting, y'know.**

**To JAAR: I'm glad you liked the comedy. I'm sorry you didn't like that Naruto turned out to be Shinchō. As for Naruto not being mad at ****Shinchō**** for possessing his body, that'll be explained sometime later in this fic. And Minato and Kushina . . . well, I'm sure I'll come up with a way to explain that sometime. .**

**To Oni no Kuno: You can thank my sister for most of the lack of mistakes. :) She's like my beta reader.**

**To Waldo Santiago: Yes, indeed. Not to mention ****Shinchō****. I mean, she'll clearly be able to tell that he's not Madara at all. And yes, there's also Obito . . . man, imagine his reaction when he finds out! Whoo.**

**To everyone else: Thank you for your reviews, favorites and follows. Gosh, you're all so wonderful! I'm glad I decided to post this story on here. You guys 'n' gurls are awesome. :)**

**(Last edit: 12/10/2015)**


	14. The Time of My Life

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto about as much as I own a Wal*Mart store. Which is to say, not at all.**

**Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)**

**Rated: T**

**By: Wynter Spite**

**Hey, guys. Yeah, I'm _finally _updating, though it's shorter than usual. My only excuse is a sudden, mind-numbing onrush of writer's block. The moment I sit down to write this story, my head goes blank and I stare at the screen blankly, my fingers poised on the keyboard, ready yet unmoving.**

**Yeah. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed and fav/followed. Thank you.**

* * *

_I've been waiting for my dreams  
To turn into something  
I could believe in  
And looking for that  
Magic rainbow  
On the horizon  
I couldn't see it  
Until I let go  
Gave into love  
And watched all the bitterness burn  
Now I'm coming alive  
Body and soul  
And feelin' my world start to turn_

_And I'll taste every moment  
And live it out loud  
I know this is the time  
This is the time  
To be more than a name  
Or a face in the crowd  
I know this is the time  
This is the time of my life  
Time of my life_

* * *

**A few days ago**

* * *

_Dear Naruto- or should I call you Shinchō?-_

_I apologize for being so late in replying to your letters._

_Firstly, I will say that I was sorry to hear about the Third Hokage's death. If I'd known about the invasion beforehand, I would have done something; however, I had no foreknowledge of it, and so I had to learn of it from your letters. (Should you really have told me of it, by the way?) I am sorry about the Hokage's death but- and I hope you take no offense to this- at the same time, I am glad that there were not as many lives lost as there could have been._

_Also, I must say, I was deeply surprised when you told me about your experience at the cliff- or rather, over the cliff. But if I was surprised, you must have been even more shocked. You appear to be taking the revelation well, however._

_It was impressive what you did to- and for- this Gaara you talked about. I can feel your sincere hope for the boy to just live, and not feel the need to kill anything to do it. I confess, your tale reminded me a bit of myself._

_Your ability to see ghosts-both living and dead- is quite fascinating. I would like to question you on it sometime, if that would be permissible._

_Again, however, I must ask- should you really be telling me about all of this? I am flattered by your trust, but you need to think carefully before revealing any sensitive information._

_Also, as to that matter you asked me about-_

_Ah, I'm afraid I must cut this letter short; being a missing-nin is not without its perils. The second letter I've enclosed will give you your answer._

_I look forward to seeing you again, Naruto, whenever that time may be._

_\- Haku_

* * *

**(Written on Haku's second letter)**

_Sorry about the old man. You're probably sad now, but cheer up. Sometime, I'll kill someone for ya._

_And my name is Zabuza, you damn brat. Stop calling me by your weird nicknames._

_Z_

* * *

_Dearest, most beloved, precious Haku,_

_You may call me whatever you wish. And I hope you're not uncomfortable with my flamboyant use of endearments._

_Your response time is fine. There's no rush._

_I hope you're not feeling guilty about not knowing about the invasion beforehand. I didn't know, my teammates didn't know, my ghosts didn't know...a lot of people didn't know that it would happen._

_Also, how could I be offended about being glad that more people didn't die? My dear Haku, I feel precisely the same._

_Yes, I was rather...er...well, shocked would be an understatement. But I don't think there's any need to overreact to it. I mean, sure, I like to do that sometimes (overreact, I mean) but this just feels like one of those times when I stay cool. Also, I like Naruto. He's pretty friendly, and not angry at all that I took over his body! I also like my furry inmate. He kind of reminds me of Madara._

_Yeah. You know, I thought about you in the middle of one of his speeches. When I see you again, Haku, I hope you won't mind if I hug you and snuggle you a little. I also hope Zabeanza will let me live after I do so._

_Questioning me is perfectly permissible. No worries, Haku. I'll brace myself for bombardment._

_Haku, the very fact that you're asking if it's okay for me to tell you about all this makes it even more okay to tell you. I pride myself on being a pretty good judge of character, and your character, Haku m'dear, seems pretty darn sterling to me._

_Stay safe, my friend. (Yeah, right, missing-nin, but still...Seemed the thing to say.)_

_And thanks for the second letter. I'll write to you again soon, my lovable confidant._

_~ Naruto/Shinchō_

* * *

**(Written on a note inclosed with Naruto's letter)**

_Thanks, Zabean. That really means a lot to me. Your kind words have touched my soul and warmed my heart._

_Also, I'll stop calling you by my weird nicknames when you stop calling me brat._

_~ Bratty McBratcakes_

* * *

**Now**

* * *

_Holding onto things that vanished_  
_Into the air_  
_Left me in pieces_  
_But now I'm rising from the ashes_  
_Finding my wings_  
_And all that I needed_  
_Was there all along_  
_Within my reach_  
_As close as the beat of my heart_

_And I'll taste every moment_  
_And live it out loud_  
_I know this is the time_  
_This is the time_  
_To be more than a name_  
_Or a face in the crowd_  
_I know this is the time_  
_This is the time of my life_  
_Time of my life_

_And I'm out on the edge of forever_  
_Ready to run_  
_I'm keeping my feet on the ground_  
_My arms open wide_  
_My face to the sun_

\- _The Time of My Life, _David Cook

* * *

We stood outside the town we'd stopped at, with Sasuke being carried on Gai-sensei's back. I looked worriedly at my duck-haired teammate and hoped he'd be alright.

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

* * *

Sasuke twitched.

"Hey, respected ancestor, can you get me down now?" Shisui asked from where he was tied up, hanging upside down. "Madara? Seriously, this tree is not supposed to be here." There was a pause as Madara ignored him. "Little cousin?"

Itachi didn't bother to glance up.

"...littler cousin?"

Sasuke's face was impassive.

"Help? Anybody?"

Silence.

"...please?"

Even Hashirama didn't look up, instead continuing to tell Sasuke about the time he and Madara accidentally walked- well, floated- in on a hot spring bath. On the females' side.

"...Madara's husband?"

At that, Hashirama blinked and glanced up. "What?"

"It's kinda funny how you immediately know I'm talking about you," Shisui commented.

Madara stood up.

Soon, the screaming started. Again.

* * *

**Back to Naruchō**

* * *

"Jiraiya-sama," Gai-sensei was saying, "Please do...find and bring back Tsunade-hime."

"We will," I said firmly. "But in the meantime, please take good care of Sasuke, Gai-sensei." I perked up when I felt Jiraiya-sensei pat me on the head. I gave it an eight on the Pat-O-Meter.

"Well then, Gai," Mikigaeru-Sennin said, "I'm leaving Sasuke in your hands."

Gai-sensei nodded and then gave me a sparkling grin. "Nothing intrigues me more than guts, kid! Let me give you this!" He reached into his vest. "This helped Lee get stronger..."

"Really? What is..." My voice trailed off, my mouth still open.

"This!" He grandly held up a green jump suit, just like the one he and Lee usually wore. "It's breathable, retains moisture, and offers complete freedom of movement all in one sweet package! If you wear it while you train, you'll notice the difference immediately!" I gaped. "Soon," he continued, "you'll start wanting to wear it all the time, just like Lee! I've got a bit of a thing for it m'self!"

"Wow," I managed.

He sparkled at me. I had to take the jump suit or be blinded.

When Gai-sensei finally left, with a final wave and a shouted farewell ("Bye-ya!"), Mikigaeru-Sennin finally said, "Don't…tell me you're planning to wear that thing?"

No in this lifetime, but I put a thoughtful look on my face. "Well..."

"Just don't," he advised me. "Man, that is goofy."

* * *

Later, I was thinking about what Itachi (the live one) had said, about their organization, the Aka-whatsis, wanting me. _But why? _I mused. _Is it because of my little Snooky Furrums?_

_**I told you not to call me that, brat!**_

_And I'll give you the same response I gave Zabeanza. _I sniffed._ I do have a name, you know._

_**That's right. It's Brat.**_

_That is not what it says on my birth certificate!_

_**Do you **_**have**_** a birth certificate?**_

_Uhh…_

Snooky Furrums sneered. _**Oh, look. Another thing to add to the vast list of things you don't know. **_Before I could retort, he went on,_** But enough about your blatant ignorance. We've still got the major problem of that **_**organization of highly dangerous individuals **_**being after you.**_

_What, that? That's nothing, 'Kura. Relax, _Naruto said cheerfully.

_**...brat. I am going to kill you.**_

_You know, Snooky, you completely fail at being a murderous, bloodthirsty, rampaging demon,_ I informed him.

_**Don't call me Snooky.**_

_Wow, major deja vu._

_**Would you focus? **_Snooky growled.

Right, organization of highly dangerous individuals.

_They are probably after me. I have no idea why, however._

I thought about and realized, _Hey, wait, why are we even fretting over this?_

_**I do not fret!**_

I ignored him. _I mean, we basically have no information whatsoever on them, not their motives or who else is part of them, except for Itachi and the shark guy._

_Itachi called him Kisame, _Naruto informed me.

_Okay, Itachi and Kisame, then._

_**That sword of his...Samehada...it was able to eat your chakra, **_Snooky mused. _**Not stop it, but actually **_**eat**_** it.**_ He was silent for a moment, then stated, as if I didn't already know, _**You'd better get stronger, brat, and soon.**_

I snorted. _What do you think I'm trying to do?_

_**Cheeky, **_he grumbled.

_Always, _I responded cheerfully, but my thoughts were turning to Itachi. Kisame had said that he killed his entire family except for Sasuke. That would make him evil, right? Except there was Itachi-yurei, and he just didn't seem...bad. In fact, his only wish seemed to be to protect Sasuke. But how would killing his family be protecting him? And how could one person, even one as skilled as Itachi, kill off all those other Uchiha alone? Was he alone? He certainly gave off that impression. And also, he killed everyone, right? His aunts and uncles, his cousins, his parents, men, women, children...so why leave Sasuke alive? Just Sasuke? And even when they came face-to-face again, he'd still left him alive. Beaten up, sure, but alive.

I tried to figure out what Itachi could possibly be thinking. _'Killing you would be too troublesome'_? That would be more like a Nara. _'You need to be alive'_? But why? _'You're too young for me to kill'_? Like that stopped him from killing other children. _'You're my brother'_? Oh, but murdering the rest of his family was okay?

Okay, enough of that. I wasn't going to figure out what he was thinking. Instead, what did his actions tell me?

Well, he didn't want to kill his brother- at least, not yet. He wouldn't refrain from hurting him, but he wouldn't make it bad enough that it would cripple him. _In fact, _I realized, _it was like he was telling him that he wasn't strong enough yet. Encouragement? 'Get stronger so that you can give me a challenge'_? Or maybe…'_Get stronger so that you can kill me'_? But why? God, this was making my head hurt. I didn't have enough of the facts. Maybe I could focus on this again once we got Tsunade-hime...

_Wait. Tsunade-hime? Haven't I heard that name before?_

It suddenly hit me why her name sounded so familiar. I tugged on the Hikigaeru Sennin's sleeve. "Hey, Hikigaeru-Sennin, Tsunade-hime wouldn't happen to be Hashirama's granddaughter, would she?"

He blinked, but smiled down at me. "Indeed she would."

I nodded. "Hashirama told me about her. In fact, he's the one who taught her to gamble. It sounds like she's inherited his luck, though." Which, I reflected, was not a good thing.

Hikigaeru-Sennin laughed. "Seems so!"

* * *

**What follows is a series of omakes which are not, absolutely not to be taken at all seriously…Like, at all. Okay, maybe except for that middle one...or not...**

* * *

**-Omake: That Time [pre-cliff incident, i.e. 'that time the toad dude pushed me off a cliff and I met my fursome Snookums for the first time']**

* * *

One day, Sakura came to training even grumpier than Madara is most of the time. Concerned, I asked her if she was okay.

She glared at me. "You…you have no idea how lucky you are being a man, Naruto." She drew in a slow, scary breath. " You don't ever have to go through this. Appreciate your maleness, Naruto. Appreciate. It." Then she stomped off.

I stared after her, then looked at my ghosts. "What was with that?"

"Ah, it appears that time of the month has come around," Madara mused.

"'That time of the month'?" I repeated, confused.

"Once every month, Naruto, a female becomes the most dangerous being on the face of the Earth," Hashirama explained.

"Uh..."

Madara said, "It is called the menstruating cycle, child. The women in my own clan were greatly feared for it. Even my father hid from them- he called it a 'survival tactic'- whenever that time came."

I stared at him. "You had a father?"

He looked slightly miffed. "Of course I did, you idiot child. Did you think I just suddenly popped into existence?"

"Well…it was definitely a possibility. But anyway," I said quickly, "this 'time of the month' thing sounds scary."

Hashirama nodded. "You should have seen when it happened to Mito. Most frightening thing I've ever witnessed."

"I concur," Madara stated. "I attacked Konoha once when it was that time."

"I remember that. On that day, Mito was in a worse mood than usual. And then you came, and it got even worse…she stomped out to confront you..."

"For a moment, I thought the Kyuubi had taken her over," Madara reflected. He gave me a pointed look. "It hadn't. It was something much, much more terrible."

I was deeply mystified. "Who's Mito?" I asked.

"My wife," Hashirama answered.

I gaped at him. "You had a wife? And it wasn't Madara?"

"Just what is that supposed to mean, brat?!" Maddy appeared outraged.

I held up my hands. "Hey, whoa, you can't deny that you guys sound like an old married couple a lot of the time."

"That may be so, child, but understand this!" He pointed a finger at me, furious. "If anyone was going to be the wife, it would be Hashirama!"

Hashirama choked. "What?"

I laughed.

Obito wandered over. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?"

"It's 'that time of the month' for Sakura," I explained.

"Ooh." He shivered. "I remember the first time Rin came to training after it had just started. On that day, Sensei had also decided to pit us against some minor enemy nin. That day, I was deeply afraid…for the enemy nin. Sometimes I wonder if Sensei planned for that," he reflected. He turned his gaze on me. "Naruto, you must never, ever bother a lady when it's their time…follow this sage advice, my friend, and you may well survive to an old age."

I stared at him, deeply frightened. "Uh…okay..."

"Obito?" Rin asked sweetly, drifting over, "What were you talking about?"

"Nothing, Rin," he squeaked. "Nothing at all!"

I gazed at him. Women, it seemed, could make mice of us all…

* * *

**Omake: Family [after the invasion]**

* * *

I watched Hashirama as I sat in bed, my arms around my legs. "So Tobirama is gone?" I said softly.

"Yes."

"Won't you miss him?"

The First Hokage smiled, bittersweet. "Of course, but the Shinigami will come for us all sometime. And Tobirama...I believe he mainly stayed for Hiruzen. And me." He said the last part quietly.

I would have patted his shoulder if I could, though it probably would've been somewhat awkward. Luckily, Madara was there, and he unknowingly did it for me. I almost snorted at how matter-of-fact it was. On Hashirama's other side, Izuna rolled his eyes. Yes, it was a very manly pat.

Hashirama, however, ruined it by smiling warmly at Madara and leaning into his side. Izuna took that as a cue to throw his arms around them both. I could practically feel the masculinity in the room dwindling, even though there were only males in the room at the moment. Though, considering one of those 'males' was me, that wasn't saying much. If Zabuza had been there, the manliness would've gone up about 50%...but since he wasn't, it was at about 18% and declining.

_You are so weird, _Inner Obito said.

_Takes one to know one. _I sniffed.

_I'm a voice in your head._

_Oh...right._

* * *

**Omake: Promise [for MorbidApocalypse, who gave me the idea to actually write this part]**

* * *

"Hey, Snooky Furrums!" I appeared in front of the cage that the giant fox lay in. "Ready for your brushing?" I held up the brush in my hand and looked at him expectantly.

"**Don't call me that.**" He fixed me with one large, dubious eye. "**And you were serious about that?**"

"Of course," I said, somewhat offended.

"**...alright, brat. Show me how you'll do this, then.**" He lay his head on his paws and watched me with amusement.

I scrutinized the bars in front of me. "Well, they're pretty big. I could just go between them."

"**That's not what I meant.**" He looked greatly entertained.

I stared at him blankly, then glanced down at my brush, which was just a bit bigger than my hand. I looked back up at the Kyuubi, who was significantly larger than my entire body.

The fox's eyes glinted.

This, I concluded, was going to take forever.

"Crap."

* * *

**A/N**

**So, first of all, I must deeply apologize, because this may or may not be the last chapter I ever post, depending on whether I get my inspiration back, or my 'mojo' as I usually call it in my head.**

**Secondly, it has come to my attention by way of my sister that there may be some misconceptions about this fic. Namely, Naruto's harem. Yeah, uh...I don't know if anyone really thinks that Naruto will be actually sleeping with all these people, but, just to be clear on that, he/she won't. It's not a serious harem, really, it's more like a group of friends that she/he calls a harem for fun. Soo...yeah.**

**Thirdly, I must ask...is Shinchō becoming a Mary-Sue? I really hope she isn't, but just in case, I'd like to know your opinions, and whether there are things that need changing.**

**Anyway, thank you for reading.**


End file.
